Thanks ooogs, its strange, you would have thought we would have been celebrating tonight, but we have been wound up like elastic bands, in fact we almost lost it with each other. Two boys have been awful today, they wont go out, all they want is to play games on laptops, its 10.30pm their Dad has shouted them to be quiet but on they go. I feel as though my stomach is in knots tonight, the stress has been awful today. I should have gone to my book club supper, but felt I couldnt leave him with the kids, it wouldnt have been fair. Two other things happened today, the wiper blades stopped working on the car, its going to cost us £300 tomorrow to get a new section put in. Also Hs sister phoned up, her husband went for an angiogram today, he has an enlarged heart, 1 fully blocked artery, and 2 furred up! I am sat up in bed, H is sleeping downstairs, just can`t sleep in the same bed lately, we seem to stress each other out. Oh how I sometimes wish I had my old life back, life was good, a lovely boy, all in good health, my lovely Dad, our little dream home in the sun............................I know I have alot to be thankful for, and I love my trio and know how very special they are, its just at times I want all my sadness and worry to go away, to be able to fully enjoy life with them, not living with the shadow of my darling Matthews death, nor this cruel frightening disease. I want to be me, I want to laugh, I want to stop snapping like I just have at Becca because its almost 11pm and she keeps calling me and is just delaying her bedtime. I just want some peace.