Morning all.................at least I have you lot to talk too, me and H are not speaking..............again. I admit it was really my fault, my side has been so sore again, headache, just felt lousy. Anyway, made roast dinner last night and the potatoes were awful, his from the allotment, boys wanted mash and they wouldnt! Went all gluey. So I just said what a mess it all looked, and he snapped and said "mummys in a bad mood", gave me three of his awful dirty looks which I hate, I stood up and half hurled my supper at him, the cauliflower landing in his lap, he called me a bloody bitch, two kids burst into tears and we havent spoken since. I think the main issue with me was getting angry inside watching him drink, he is back to full capacity and it worries me something awful. I still worry that they may have missed something with me, though I should be reassure by the barium enema and full ct scan, but this diverticular problem is really getting me down. Also feeling weepy already about the end of another era, kids leaving our lovely school in less than two weeks. It will be another big change in my life, selfishly I am so dreading them leaving, I wont be going up to school with them anymore, I shall miss the company. H doesnt want me to find a job, it would be difficult anyway until we know how things are going with him, oh I dont know. The only thing I can think of atm is to do some voluntary time at school, the primary one, that way I shall still see people. I am a person who needs peole around me, our friends here all seem to have tailed off, not school friends, friends we have known well for over 20 years. I just dont want it to be like this, feel so fed up, and its my beloved Matthews 30 th birthday on Thurs