D'y ever wonder how life got like this?

[FrumpyGrumpy]

New to MN but like what I read so far. Struggling to get by day by day at the minute and feeling isolated but not enough to make the effort to join in the 'groups' the whole world seems to think are just what I need!!!!

Have daughter of 4 and girl and boy twins of eight months. Not had time since they were born when all three kids have been well, am I just cursed? Throw in a house move that took 6 months, a partner that works away most of the week and a mother-in-law I can wait another lifetime to deal with and I've ended up the sort of person I used to look at and wonder how life got like that.

Anyone give me hope that when the babes are eighteen months I'll feel better?!! If not, anyone tell me that alternate nights of gin then chocolate is an ok passage through?

Thankfully no more sickness! They are both at nursery now and I feel exhausted must get on and catch up from yesterday.

Triplets I know exactly what you mean when you say "Isn`t it amazing how down and depressed you can feel one day then good the next?" i think this is something my dh can't get his head around! Sometimes it can be something so small & trivial to most people but sends me feeling really useless & depressed. Doesn't happen so much since i have been having my councelling sessions!

Frumpy Grumpy you wrote "My trick when someone is pushing it is to be ultra, helpful, kind and considerate. Its hard but boy does it unsettle them and turn whoever it happens to be into putty in your hands. It was my way of dealing with THE MIL until I couldn't even stomach that. I know I'm a witch!" Just wondered where your at with your mil. I havent seen or spoken to my mil since last august when i was at my lowest point. She hasnt been here although she is quick to moan at my dh if she hasn't seen the twins for a while!Think a lot of how I was revolved around my mil and i think it is the final thing that needs sorting. I think maybe I'll move to Florida that should sort it!!

Hope everyones ok today!

I'm soo tired today, one baby decided to stay awake for the first half of the night, and then we got him off to sleep and his brother decided it was his turn to wake.
dd has also started acting up, has been in trouble at school and keeps ignoring me. I'm trying to make time for her but it's not easy atm. Thankfully ds has had fewer tantrums as the week has gone on, but he does get mroe attention since he isn't in school yet.
I just got rid of soreness in one breast and now it's reappeared on the other side and I have a stinking cold! Chocolate and gin sounds so appealin right now - and I need sleep!

Hi all.

Kelly:when one baby wakes for a feed, do you wake the other? I found it a good idea to do that then I got to spend a semi decent amount of time sleeping. Gets them into a good pattern for later.

Twins2:I'm lucky, I haven't seen or spoken to DH's mother for over 5 years. Life is so much easier this way.

Triplets: How's today going? Hope all well with you.

My DTs have both got colds. They seem to be well for about a minute and then ill for a month. The joys.. the joys... I've not had a lot of sleep for the longest time it seems. I'm looking forward to the summer which seems to be the season that everyone is well.

I can't seem to do that as one feeds more often than the other, so we can't get them synchronised. Also in the eves I can't cope with them both awake on my own as they cry a lot then. They seem to be able to go so long without sleep, fighting it for a good 2 hours or so and when it isn't at the same time it means I get virtually no sleep. I finally got off at 6.30 then was woken at 7.30 and it was time to get up. I think I would be ok if i didn't have this cold nd I'm feverish so I don't know if it's mastitis as well. I can't wait til the weekend.

God , this brings back memories! My twin DDs are 4 now and reading this brings back that exhausted feeling! I spent a couple of months feeding them separately and got no sleep but eventually started waking the other one up and feeding at the same time - best thing I ever did. At least you get a reasonable stretch of sleep until the next feed.

Good luck girls. It does get a lot better. I look at photos of them at that age and wish we were back there instead of about to start school

kelly go to the doctors. The last thing you need with twins is mastitis. I had it twice and it was bloody horrible. I think that it is easy to get with twins, esp when one feeds more than the other. You probably need some antibiotics. Then when you get that sorted do you best to synchronise the twins, it really will pay dividends. You can't exist on no sleep, especially with a 4 year old.

Sorry, don't mean to be bossy, but it is all still so very fresh in my mind.

I can't get to the doctors today, not with four kids in tow. I'm hoping dp will throw a sickie tomo so I can go then. I had mastitis with dd, and although it was 4 yers ago, i'm sure that's what it is.
How do u get them both feeding at the same time?
I have tried waking a when r wakes, but he doesn't take much of his feed, and then wakes up again later anyway. He seems to need a lot less than his brother. I aso struggle at keeping them both awake when I'm on my own, as I can't deal with two screaming babies at the same time. Once dp goes back onto earlies it should be easier. They tend to stay awake for 2-3 hour stretches after a bottle, and won't be put down. Then they have the next feed and go to sleep for a couple of hours, and the other one wakes up!

how about when the first finishes feeding you put him down then wake the other, then sleep whilst you can. Do this in the days as well until you feel able to have both awake and can feed them together. If bfing then you need a v shaped pillow, if bottle then pop them in chairs (bouncychair/carseat)and hold bottles in both of their mouths. It takes a bit of work and practice, I remember how hard it was, but so worth it. Even now they wake at the same time. Can you call the doctors and ask to speak to your GP explaining why you can't get to him/her so that your DP can pick up a prescription for you?

I have tried to get them together but it really hasn't worked out. With bottles they dribble terrribly so I have to do them individually, and on the breast they fall asleep after 5 mins and I can't wake them easily when I'm still feeding the other. I'm hoping it will get better as the get older, I really can't cope on 1-2 hours sleep for very long.
I really don't now how triplets managed it!

Hi all,
Things ok here today, the sun is shining so that makes all the difference, and I have booked our flights to Florida for next year so something to look forward to, just want to find the perfect villa now! I obviously couldn`t breast feed my triplets, they were in hospital for just over three weeks, but what I did was expressed my milk every day for almost 5 months and they had it in bottle, at least someone else can give a hand then! They soon put weight on and now they are all about the same weight despite the fact that James was over a pound lighter than the other two!

Kelly, my heart goes right out to you honey. Mine were difficult to feed together too. My son also had colic which worsened if he fed too often so I had to try to space his feeds out a decent amount. For me, I gave up getting them on the same timetable in those early weeks and if my partner was home we took a baby each at night (I only b/f in the day and stopped at 6 weeks against what I hoped) so that at least we each had one baby for the whole night. If he was away it was hellish. The nights meant an hours sleep at a time if I was lucky.

In the day I let them be in the house if they were content to look around and I'm afraid that they spent a hell of a lot of time outside in their buggy! The stress of a crying baby is high and when that doubles and you have other kids feeling it too AND on your own I don't think there is any harm in getting them into a cot and shutting the door or buggy and outside. I would bring each of mine in in turn for a feed so it meant I could pretent for my older daughters sake it was all under control. There is so little you can do to entertain a newborn who is awake. I couldn't manage to feed together in seats either and just gave up. It meant on the plus side that each baby in turn got a lovely cuddle and one to one and I didn't feel too bad when they were crying later and I couldn't get to them because I knew that they had had a turn and would get another. I bought a baby swing (pricey but worth it) too which helped.

Remember, they will remember nothing of these weeks and as long as they get fed and changed on a reasonably regular basis they are loved and you are doing your very best. You're other children will remember and I found it reassuring to think I was making it ok for my big little girl. Best of luck honey, I'm thinking of you. This is definitely the worst bit and you'll not do it again (probably!!).

I hit a wall today. I have suspected for months now that the pnd demon was after me. I can't even 100% admit it to myself. Shouted at my big little girl totally undeserved and waaay too harsh and can't hold back the tears. Sometimes on a bad day I cry when I am feeding the babies because she's eating and I'm facing the other way. She can't see me then. Or I have a quick cry in the cupboard and come out with a headache and an oscar winning smile. I'd laugh if I was happier cos I can't believe I just shared that!! My long suffering partner is getting it in the neck too. He is very good and understanding and supportive and he's the only one that knows the bare bones of how I feel but maybe I'd like it if he took control and ordered me to get come help. I'm so very strong willed and against sharing with anyone that this is getting me.

Have to go crying babes. Might come back later and rant some more, it seems to be helping.

you come and rant when you need to darling. There are also lots of mums here who can give you advice and/or empathise with the PND. I'm pretty sure that there is a thread just for that. You are still welcome here, even though we may not know the right things to say. I think you are doing brilliantly and I'm glad that we are able to listen.

Frumpygrumpy, thanks for your post, it sounds like you sent through exactly the same as I am now. I think I mgiht have to try what you said about leaving one to scream, it might save my sanity rather than siting listening to it, and sometimes I just can't pacify both at once. I hope you can get some help if you do have pnd - I had it after my first, and it isn't nice.

It's the weekend, so I'm getting a bit more rest here, but have hit another problem. After just getting dt1 back onto full time breast milk (dt2 is still on mixed) my supply seems to be drying up. I don't kow if the mastitis has caused it or what, but I'm only getting about 2 oz out of that side each time I express now. Does anyone know if I am going to be able to build it up again?

The only way to build up milk supply is to feed honey, or continue to express. Glad you're getting a bit of rest. Make sure that you are eating and drinking honey.

Hi All, had a bit of a crappy weekend, just me being me. Going through a bit of a bad time and sometimes feel I'm making everyone miserable. Am on the pc to contact homeopath I used before which seemed to help cos I'm dammed if I'm going to lie down to this. Feel ashamed of myself. Long before I had a visit from the pnd demon (had it 4 years ago after big little girl born) I thought all people had to do was be positive and stop feeling sorry for themselves. This time round I was "Mrs Capable and I Can Do Anything" for the first 6 months then brick by brick I've crumbled. The house move has not helped. I am by nature an organised and clean and tidy person who is living with the mess and clutter of twins plus one and no time to make these walls into a home. We unpacked the stuff we really needed and it stopped there back in December. Now I flutter between pushing myself too hard and dead stop.

Going to use homeopath, herbalist and maybe explore counselling (not even going to try my GP) because I have a lovely family that need me to be the best I can and they deserve it. Last time I got by by staying in the house on bad days (the majority of days were for about 18 months). I played with my girl all her waking hours and then fell to bits when she slept. It may sound crazy but it worked. I just hid from the world when I felt awful and it went eventually. Hiding is sadly no option now. So, have to be brave and force myself to admit it and bite the bullet. If it doesn't work I can always run to the mountains of tibet, grow my leg hair and weave goat hair pants.

Twins2cute, I manage my MIL now by ignoring her. Its a loooooong, booooooooring story but I do what you do. My partner visits maybe once a week with the babies so she can't complain. Once in a blue moon she comes up (only if he's here) and I force my face into a twisted grimace you could loosely call smiling and then make myself extremely busy with something until she leaves. My feelings for her are unrelated to pnd by the way, she is just a complicated woman whose games I have no place for now I have the life I have. The important thing is that kids and her have some contact. I can do that and be civil if the need is there so I think I've gone halfway. I don't think there's a need for us to be great pals, we are after all very different people who would never have met and become friends in the normal run of life.

Phew! Well I think I have cleansed my inner being enough for one session! Probably have you all cutting the plugs off your pc!!

By the way, anyone ever thought a hairdo would make them feel better then got it done and felt like sellotaping a tesco bag to their eyebrows for 8 weeks? I am in that exact moment!

Marslady, how many do I eat to make it grow? 10 - 15 is my guesstimate. Per night.

Kelly, how you doing doll?

frumpy you lost me. Eat what doll?

Well the plug's still on mine, don't go to Tibet! I hope you find some help soon. Why isn't staying in an option if that helps?

All this talk of MILs makes me glad I don't have to deal with one. I'm shattered, but my milk supply seems to be slowly recovering so I've just got to carry on somehow. Ravi was up every hour for the past two nights, keeps drinking an ounce then going sleep. I can't wait til I can give these babies food!

Oh, and I have been leaving the twins to scream occassionally (one at a time) and it has helped no end. Rather than trying to keep him happy for a couple of hours I can put him in the bedroom and half the time he is asleep within 5 mins. I jsut wish I could do that at nighttime. It makes us all happier once he has had a sleep.

Kelly glad things are marginally better, its always different when you feel you're in a bit more control. Wishing you loads of sleep or at least a few hours in a row. Once mine started settling for the night around 7/8pm (say about 12 weeks) I lifted them at 11pm or when ever I was about to go to bed and fed them (in silence and dark so it wouldn't wake them too much). It seemed to get me til around 5am which felt great. Sadly this didn't work for me before that age even though I kept trying.

I stayed in and saw no-one before because my big little girl was just a babe and knew no better and I made it nice for her at home. Now I have her to think of and she'd wonder what was going on if we stayed in. I still have to do the nursery run and a gym thing I take her to. I have to do it for her and I suppose its good for me. It makes me put on my best face and be cheery. Maybe if you do that enough it begins to come naturally again. Last time I felt better when the routine became a bit more flexible so I'm expecting not to feel myself until they're maybe 18months or 2. I can do it, it just gets really tough sometimes. Anyway, leg hair is never gonna be fashionable so Tibet will have to wait .

Marslady, I meant Mars Bars! Thought the name was reference to chocolate but maybe its just the place you'd like to be??!! How's your brood? Your posts always sound calm (and with aaaalllll those kids!). Are you calm? Or just smoking a lot of cannabis?

Gotta stop typing so much, I'll wear my beautifully manicured hands to stumps (HA!). Was just going to bed but baby crying! Both teething.

Kelly glad things are marginally better, its always different when you feel you're in a bit more control. Wishing you loads of sleep or at least a few hours in a row. Once mine started settling for the night around 7/8pm (say about 12 weeks) I lifted them at 11pm or when ever I was about to go to bed and fed them (in silence and dark so it wouldn't wake them too much). It seemed to get me til around 5am which felt great. Sadly this didn't work for me before that age even though I kept trying.

I stayed in and saw no-one before because my big little girl was just a babe and knew no better and I made it nice for her at home. Now I have her to think of and she'd wonder what was going on if we stayed in. I still have to do the nursery run and a gym thing I take her to. I have to do it for her and I suppose its good for me. It makes me put on my best face and be cheery. Maybe if you do that enough it begins to come naturally again. Last time I felt better when the routine became a bit more flexible so I'm expecting not to feel myself until they're maybe 18months or 2. I can do it, it just gets really tough sometimes. Anyway, leg hair is never gonna be fashionable so Tibet will have to wait .

Marslady, I meant Mars Bars! Thought the name was reference to chocolate but maybe its just the place you'd like to be??!! How's your brood? Your posts always sound calm (and with aaaalllll those kids!). Are you calm? Or just smoking a lot of cannabis?

Gotta stop typing so much, I'll wear my beautifully manicured hands to stumps (HA!). Was just going to bed but baby crying! Both teething.

I do enjoy reading your posts frumpy, and not because of what you say, but the way that you say it. I'm calm only because I have so many children and I can't be ars*d to fret.

I live my life really slowly. That helps. Too many people around me are forever rushing around. I go to babygroup once a week, coffee at least once a week and deffo lunch once a week (Fridays). I'm a creature of habit and routine and I never thought that I would be.

Glad to hear things are going well kelly. You're doing brilliantly. Babies feed continually for the first 3 months, it's not just a twin thing. It's just that with twins you notice a whole heap more.

Aw thanks Marslady, glad someone enjoys my loony ravings! What's your girl/boy mix of your clan? And is dinner/bath/bedtime utter mayhem? Do tell me to mind my own if its nosey, I won't take it personally. I'm just a curious loony.

Got herbal suff. Had to sell a kidney to pay for the consultation and tincture but we mums will do anything for our cherubs. Tastes like a badger has crawled into the bottle and died but not any worse than childbirth so thats a plus.

Teething babes so expecting another broken night. Alone all week til tomorrow night so best get to bed early. Got a date with Bruce Springsteen cd. Peaceful sleep all.

Bum. Both girls ill today. DT1 teething with nappy rash and was sick this morning. Poor thing aimed well though and even though projectile it landed in her high chair tray. Older girl temperature and shivery. DT2 teething but not too badly. He is Mr physical though (pulled up at 7 and half months and now moving around ) so it is a war zone in his waking hours. Big little girl and me dose of sticky eyes too, so looking good!

Its not the road you travel but the terrain you have to cross.

We live in parallel worlds today fg. DT1 has a spectacular projetile vomit thing going today (since last night even). DT2 is streaming with cold. Both are hugely clingy today. I can't stand or breath out without mass hysteria breaking out. A friend called, heard the noise and must've thrown the phone down and run for the hills. I tell you, stereo screaming. Nothing beats it.

Bath times: DH baths DTs and DD2 (sometimes together) DD1 is 10 and bathes herself and DS1 likes to convince us that his filthy body has been in the same vicinity as water within the last 2 years.

Bedtime: DD2 goes to bed at 7 (settles about 7.30/45). DTs go between 7 and 7.30. DD1 goes at 8 and DS1 goes to his room at 9, tends to turn his light out within 20 mins.

Me time: lots of alcohol involved and US Crime TV - CSI, Law and Order, Criminal Intent etc. Desperate Housewives and ER (West Wing). Or Salsa. Out at a club without hubby or kids, dancing till 2. Lovely!

I think that I'm far too lazy to be harrassed. And I've discovered that DTs (at the moment) gets you many points with people and allows you to get away with murder. Either that or they are trying to stay as far away from us as poss.....hmmmmmmmmmmmm

You're a star woman Marslady, your house is a live one! Just away to pour a large gin as its been a day. Big girl progressed to vomitting too and as I tap she's lying on the couch, poor thing just been sick again (nothing left inside though). My DTs are bed same time as yours and big girl just after (except tonight). I'm frightened by the thought that my baby boy who thinks I'm huge fun (ha! if only he knew!!) will turn into the boy that skulks away Kevin and Perry style. I know its going to happen so I guess I should revel in these vomitting times and enjoy them!!!!

Hope you have a big drink of something fab later (certainly not a fruit smoothie) and rest up a while. Rock and roll eh! We're living the dream.