D'y ever wonder how life got like this?

[FrumpyGrumpy]

New to MN but like what I read so far. Struggling to get by day by day at the minute and feeling isolated but not enough to make the effort to join in the 'groups' the whole world seems to think are just what I need!!!!

Have daughter of 4 and girl and boy twins of eight months. Not had time since they were born when all three kids have been well, am I just cursed? Throw in a house move that took 6 months, a partner that works away most of the week and a mother-in-law I can wait another lifetime to deal with and I've ended up the sort of person I used to look at and wonder how life got like that.

Anyone give me hope that when the babes are eighteen months I'll feel better?!! If not, anyone tell me that alternate nights of gin then chocolate is an ok passage through?

oh dear FP are you feeling better today?

I'm planning my first swim for tonite - adult only is from 9 - 10, so will be after boys go to bed, so DH won't have to do anything! Not really the plan but at least I get some time out! Hoping to corner DH at some point this week for a chat about chores and his lack of interest in the boys when they are being less than smiley. I'm sure men have this picture in their heads of fatherhood, where the baby comes out toddler sized and can walk and talk...the baby stage just misses them completely.

hey ho, another day, another dollar

Ta Meely. Not much different but hey ho thats the emotional rollercoaster for me. Hope swim is good.

Quick hi!

Good to hear that you are going to be out swimming. Once you've started doing that maybe you should consider doing something else as well. Maybe going out with a girlfriend or something once in a while.

I'm lucky that DH does his fair share, mostly, and that I won't let him not. I think it's important that we have things outside the home that allow us space and freedom.

Mine are currently destroying everything they touch. Well, maybe not destroying, but it's chaos wherever they've been lol

You both sound like you are doing well despite the relentlessness of it all. Thinking of you both.

M

Hi fg, sorry to hear you're havign a tough time at the moment, hope things get a bit easier soon. I also felt a bit awkward the first couple of times. I didn't really know what was expected and felt sort of inferior telling this strange woman all my probs. She was really good tho, she actually said very little, but just knew the right questions to ask, and I ended up really looking forward to seeing her. She never actually told me to do anything, or offered any real solutions to my problems. She just gave me a good sounding board so I found myself finding my own solutions, by talking thru my problems and feeling better for that. The first counsellor I had kept saying I was doing wonderful and all this c##p which I didn't find helpful at all, cos I didn't feel wonderful!! The second acknowleged I was going thru a tough time and allowed me to deal with that. I know it helped me a lot, but different things do work for different people.
I'm kinda jealous of ur huge period, can u send some of that my way please! I've still not started mien again yet, and terrified of getting pg again.

Meely - how did ur swim go? Hope u had a good time.

Hi mars, I like the 'won't let him not' bit, sounds like me and dp! I've managed to get the twins off colic medicine altogether now, they finally seem to be coming thru it all. Thanks again for the drops tho, they did help, espec when mummy wanted nice curries .

Hi Kelly, thanks lovely girl. She reckons I need to think about ADs to balance the roller coaster (it gets really much worse before, during and after period times) to allow me to steady a bit to make a way forward. This would be a last resort for me as I would feel disgusted with myself doing that. Will have to see. I love my family too much to allow them to live with it when its me who has the issue. Going to try everything else first to make it ok. I do get the feeling from my experience last time that the only thing that will help is time. When I can chat to my DTs and do real things like swimming and dancing and singing to loud music I'll feel whole lot better. Maybe I'm just sh* at the baby thing.

Took me ages to get a period after having my big little girl. 5/6 months. Are you still b/f? Hope your DP can tie a big knot in his big worm and keep it under control or are you just making yourself tooooo gorgeous for him!!!??? Need to let yourself go a bit I think!!

Mars, can I bring my brood and live at yours? You seem so sussed .

Gotta eat and can't be ar.

Yeah, come on over FG. Not sussed, but can't be arsed to be bothered by any of it.

I have 3 older kids, so I kinda know what's coming. Have to confess that I think the difficult days are just beginning. Difficult in the sense that they are so active and go in opposite directions etc. Plus the terrible 2s don't seem that far away, especially as I'm sure my others got there at 18 months. Only 2 months away AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I suppose cos these are my last babies I just really want to enjoy them. I don't have it sussed cos the DTs are still in bed with us and won't go to sleep until they've been fed by me and they love to be held. Probably end up spoilt cos I'm finding myself attending babygroup etc. I hate babygroups. Dullsville! lol

I think that you are doing well though! But hey, CAT me if you ever need a voice at the end of a phone.

arthur has chicken pox, just a matter of time before edward gets it too, so stuck at home now for a week at least

working as well so i don't have to take unpaid leave, gonna be a busy week me thinks!

ooh you poor love. You have my sympathy. Do you have lots of piriton? Hope they only get a mild case.

Hi Fg, singing along loudly does it for me too, plus if you do it really really loudly can drown out noise of dts! I know how u feel abt anti-ds, I hated them. Didn't agree with em neither so that didn't last long. I tried St John's Wort in the end, that helped, and I didn't feel so bad about that as it was more natural. 10 mnths is such a difficult age, I found dd really hard then. Personally I think it gets easier, once they get mobile and can do a bit more.

I think I might be too irresistable for DP, but I will ask him to consider a knot! If I get pg again it will def be a knot, or a very sharp knife. Yeh, still bfing.

Meeely, sorry to hear about the chickenpox, hope they get better soon. Don't forget to carry on having time for u too! Did the swim go well?

My dts are finally starting to do the s word (daren't say it!) thru 9-6, which helps, except they want entertaining most of the day. Just need to get them sorted into having a big nap during the afternoon too, then we'll be very happy.

didn't swim in the end, routine was shot after trip to docs as they were fed later than normal...

Any tips on feeding solids to twins by yourself? at nursery they get someone all to themselves, now i'm at home alone, not sure how to manage. bottles are easy enough, so i feed half a bottle first to take away hunger pangs, then try the food. They eat at such different rates though, not sure i'm giving each one enough attention...

I used one spoon and one big bowl. They both still eat at different rates, but I just alternated mouths. They seem fine. Thriving and both growing. Just relax and it'll come good.

Hi girls, having a bit of a happier day. My DTs are getting so lovely at times (just occasional!!!). DT2 copying sounds I make and DT1 crawled over just to hug me. DT2 just about walking (I'm shocked, dd didn't walk til well over 1). If I keep taking pleasure in watching the small things it will be ok I'm sure. Kelly, my periods didn't come back till stopped b/f and I'm sure you know its a myth that you can't get pgnt while b/f! Take my tip, grow hair in dodgy places. The surprise shocks them out of an erection !

Meely, I used to give them half a bottle in the highchairs (one in each hand) and then have the solids ready to pop in when the bottle came out to avoid much complaint. I needed a bowl for each cos one eats fast and the other slow so I was never sure if one had missed out. Boy I am looking forward to the days of a couple of large pizza hut pizzas for us all to munch on a Saturday night.

DP home tonight so off to pour large gin and brush my hair .

Meely should have said, sorry bout chicken pox and luck with that.

Cheers Mars, have called my cab ....

my two don't sit up yet, so not got highchairs, I feed them in their car seats so they sat up a bit, gonna try the one bowl one spoon thing later - it may prompt Edward to break out in chicken pox too as he's showing no signs and it can be up to 10 days before he does!

must go, spotty one not happy...

Hi Meely, are they generally good eaters? How's Arthur today, was it a rough night? None of my three yet had chicken pox so we are due a big dose.

Bruce Springsteen is singing his lungs out in my bedroom, the air is warm and there is a garden man across the road laying turf. He has strong arms, black curly ish hair and he smiled at me. OK so my leg hair needs quaratined (sp?), my face is crinkling where it shouldn't, I have red pants, a healthy dose of depression (allegedly) and three kids who take it in turns to squash the life out of me and leave bits of their noses on my face but its nice to know life isn't so hum drum and pc that a boy can't smile at a girl at make her day.

Second thoughts maybe he was grimacing that I had loud music on and the car windows down.....

generally good eaters yes, apart from edward coughing every so often and bringing his milk back.

Arthur has slept through for weeks, it's edward thats up and needing a cuddle...nothing phases that boy, he was the poorly one in hosp and has caught everything going, but he don't seem bothered! Dreading Edward catching it, he will be a nightmare.

FG - oi woman, stop flirting! DH going out tonite on lash - oh joy, I get to sleep til 2am when I will get woken up by the clattering and banging of him trying to be quiet then he'll say, seeing as you're awake can I have a back rub, the room will stink of beer and then the boys will wake up....oh JOY!

A 2am back rub???!!!!! Ye, if he brings home chips maybe......

Garden man was definitely flirting with me and me an old bag of a thing too. Haven't been flirted with for years and it has brought a smile to my heart. It was probably pity but delicious all the same!

Luck to you Meely.

And so my evening begins....boys in bed, dishwasher on, floors mopped, wine glass full, DVD player loaded, DH banished.....big deep contented SIIGGHHHH!

Oh, so easy to see how my life got like this. My only child died on June 2nd 1994, suddenly, no medical explanation, two horrible years go by and I embark on ivf to take my mind off of Matthew. The result was my wonderful special trio, Rebecca, Thomas and James, now 7. My problem is Harry, 11 years older than me, and I am 53 so you can easily work that one out. He has just gone to bed its past midnight, we had an impromptu drinks evening with three friends, lovely night then as usual the minute eveyones gone he gets horrible, and spoils it and I am so fed up and don`t want to go to bed and wish I had a spare room and that is why thank god for mumsnet so I can sit on here and bang away on these keys and get rid of some of my anger!!!!!!!!!!! Oh why did my life turn out like this????????????????

hello triplets! I remember when you first joined mumsnet!
sorry you are having a lousy night. will it look better in the morning?

Doubt it, it hasn`t for the last 5 years!

Feeling for you triplets. [[[[HUGS]]]]
I'm on a late one too having up & down time again!

Poor old triplets - lots of sympathy. (And so nice to see your name here again.)

Are most of you clashes with him over the children? I think as men get older they revert more to their own childhood in expecting how children ought to behave - god knows why, after daily experience of it!

Also, men do often place themsleves slap bang in the middle of the universe (- a place we all got evicted from on giving birth). As they get older I think this increases too - he probably feels genuinely aggrieved. Sometimes I have to think of DH (11 yrs older than me)as one more of my kids, with his own unique foibles [what bluntly I might call gross selfishness]in order to give him the time and attention he craves. Maybe it is just the same 'attention-seeking behaviour' that in kids we know really does mean 'pay me some attention, I'm starving for it".

So when it gets bad I try to really pay him some proper attention, not just carry on with the everyday minor communications.

I know this isn't PC, and it damned well isn't fair, but it can keep the peace, make him feel happier and allow the kids a bit more space without being yelled at. And as someone once said on Mumsnet the view from the moral high ground is much better ...

How was he with Matthew when he was 7?

Do you think the problems are because he's older, or because you have three noisy 7 yr olds? Would he be as bad with one?

I wonder if a thread on mothers' experience of older fathers would be a good idea ...

Good morning Copper and everyone,
Yes what a good idea, a thread on older fathers, be interesting. It is so hard to say, to compare what he was like with Matthew, when Matthew was 7 I was 33 and he was 44, we had a lovely life. Now I am 53, he is 64, also 11 years age gap, and we have triplets! Yes I think if only one had happened we wouldn`t be like this, it would be so much easier, it is soooooooo hard. I ended up going to bed full of sadness and anger at 1am, too hot to sleep and probably too much wine, only to be woken up by Thomas at 6.45am he had wet the bed, Harry had given them all mugs of hot drinks at 11pm as a treat! So I am up, washing on, all three down for b/fast by 7 and Harry has just got up and is having a peaceful b/fast in the garden at 9am! Oh for some space..........