Went through our finances and we're fucked.

Why on earth would you post that? I genuinely despair at some people lack of sensitivity

Seriously? You really think that was a helpful comment? If you read any of the OP’s further posts you will see she has no intention of doing that and was just venting.

Concentrate on clearing the smaller debts first when they are clear divert that payment to the bigger debts.
money saving expert has a forum which has lots of advice about getting debt free and also a heap of ideas to boost your income. Good luck

You’ve had some great advice on here but also use the debt free wannabe boards on money saving expert. They can be straightforward which may be seen as a bit blunt so no wallowing and woe is me talk but I’ve seen people with much lower incomes and much worse debt be given advice plus gain help from stephchange or similar.

There is help and support out there but you and your family have to be committed to change too. Things may be tight and frugal for a while. This is a situation you can get out of.

@ClusterFukt Just wanted to send you a hug xx

OP...this feeling of massive overwhelm is totally normal when you've got so many creditors nipping at your heels but I promise, there will be a way out of it. As others have suggested, book a free appointment with CAP (Christians against poverty) or Stepchange and just go through everything with them. They'll help you put it into perspective and explain all your options.

If it helps I have a friend who was in a similar situation a few years back and she did end up in a bankruptcy situation but it was absolutely not the end of the world as she thought it would be. She had a manageable payment each month and the feeling of being able to breathe again was HUGE. 5 years on, she's clear and is now a homeowner.

There's loads of other options too but the best thing you can do is allow yourself to be vulnerable with a debt advisor. It's not fun but the relief once they give you a way forward, will be immense.

@ClusterFukt - hope you got some sleep. I have to say that threads like yours on MN are very very common and there is always some amazing advice from people who have been exactly where you are. I think you will be fine. Can I suggest that if you are not great with numbers and figures that you do everything with your DH so you are not feeling so panicky.

I think with your early years training someone up the threads suggestion of babysitting is a great one if you can. Even two nights a week would be good. Maybe as a Christmas fund.

If you’ve got defaults already, a dmp really isn’t going to make a difference. I’d go to Stepchange and get yourselves sorted. I’d switch your focus from getting a mortgage and just getting yourselves on track. Do cash stuffing each week so you’ve got a set budget for everything. OP I’ve been there and went on to buy a house and now debt free :) if you want to buy a house in the long term, you really need to sort it out now

I know from experience how stressful it can be. Can you live somewhere cheaper, are you able to survive on one car. Once my youngest went to school I got a better paid job with more hours it made a huge difference. Could you retrain? Student finance etc is available and not repaid until earning £25000. As a police officer your dh will earn more in time. Could you shop cheaper change to cheaper food shops. I worked on paying the smaller debt first. Have a look on Martin Lewis site for ideas. It will get better.

Sometimes outside help can make a big difference. Christians Against Poverty are not just there to help Christians but anyone in a totally non-judgemental way. https://capuk.org/get-help. Many food banks offer budgeting help as well - you don’t need to be at a level that needs food help from them. I was struggling with overspending a few years ago and they were recommended to me and I’ve never looked back. Just call your local one as they should be able to help. Sometimes just getting someone else to look at your position with a fresh pair of eyes can really help. Good luck x

Thank goodness you were here to point that out

Start with the council tax debt, call them and explain the situation. They will in most cases arrange an interest free small monthly amount that you can pay.

Start selling items, if you are a shopaholic there will be plenty of stuff that you can sell on Vinted (no commission unlike eBay).

Take on another job if you can, e.g. dog walking

Move to cheaper accommodation e.g. move in with parents until you can get yourself sorted.

Haven’t read the whole thread and I’m hoping it’s already been mentioned but there’s a brilliant charity called Stepchange who will help you get through this. Please call them.

If you’re still servicing your debt out of the income you have and you know you’re chronic over spenders then there really is still hope. It’s going to be tough, but it can be done. X

Do you really really need both cars?

I imagine you get loads of emails enticing you to spend? Click on unsubscribe for all of them.

You can do this!

Op I'm sure people roll give excellent advise on the loans and how to tackle them.
I want to say get a few of those can opener money tins and pop a little in when you can.
One for Christmas, one of for birthday and one for holidays
When we were really broke I tried to put 2 pound a week in each.
And didn't touch them for a year so if you start now for Xmas don't open until next Xmas.
I used my small holiday build to to buy a 20 pound youth hostel card which got me 25% off sometimes on prices which meant we could at least go away.
I had more than 20 pound in BTW which helped pay for room.
Because your always adding to it it's always building up.
We also drew out cash for each months weekend spends. Even 20 a weekend, it helps to see it in cash and know what you cannot spend without worrying.

You are not unfuckable fuck. Your are 15.000 out of debt that has to be secured before the next step.

You have said that you over spend, make a budget and keep it. Take out the luxuries and change them for a cheaper luxury version. Eating out/ take aways/ drinks/ smoking etc if applicable can be a big chunk of money at the end of the month.

No need to be eating pasta and jacket tatties the rest of your life but cut out and you will be financially better soon.

What did you expect not looking in to your finances for a long time? Money can be expended sooo easy.

The odd tenner a week for both of you is at least 80 quid a month and more than 900 a year.

Make a sensible BOQ of your expenditures. Start with small steps and you will be rewarded soon with a more appropriate way of using the money, less debt and a better financial situation.

It is not the end of the world it is the beginning of you being a more sensible expender.

Just to send love OP - I am similarly terrible and head in the sand over money and also have ADHD.

I think it’s worth you going to see your GP about a diagnoses. There is medication that will help focus if you want that, but also knowing you have it and reading around it will help you understand that impulse control is just harder for you. That doesn’t mean you don’t have to do it, but hopefully it will help you stop beating yourself up about it.

Once all your issues are sorted out, you will work out what you can spend and allocate that yourself.

Because she threatened to jump in front of a train. Extremely selfish thing to do!

Hi OP.

I've never been in your situation, so I've no advice but am very impressed by the advice you've been given - Mumsneters are so knowledgeable about so many things. I do feel for you.

I'd definitely discuss this with your 2 older children. They need to know and you're doing them no favours by wanting to protect them from this. It could be a very valuable life lesson for them. If they are fully in the picture, that'll be 4 people in your home all pulling in the same direction, so if your youngest starts wanting things, at least there'll be all of the rest of you saying no.

Best of luck.

£80 a month for Xmas would be amazing.

@ClusterFukt

I have ADHD and have been in your financial position. I'm married with 2 kids. Last year I bought a house for the first time, I'm in my 40s. This can be fixed.

My advice is very similar to others on here and, apologies if this has already been said, but you need to deal with this now and put saving for a deposit to the back of your mind for the time being.

1. You don't have any spare money to save so it's not going to be possible right now anyway
2. You need to get a handle on your debts as it's spiralling

Today you need to spend time looking into all your debts, getting the balances, monthly repayments and APRs. Put all this information into your spreadsheet along with the agreement numbers.

Then you need to go through your bank statements and take a note of ALL your outgoings (bills, subs, groceries), you can likely export your statements as an excel document and tidy it up from there.

Finally you then need to go onto the Step Change website and start a no obligation assessment where you plug in all the info you've gathered above and your income. They will then suggest potential solutions, all without speaking to anyone at this stage or setting the ball rolling.

They will ask you what you spend annually on clothing/gifts/hair cuts etc. Do not panic about this if you don't know at this stage. Just give rough estimates, it you under estimate a prompt will come up saying it doesn't sound reasonable and you can amend.

You are under no pressure to proceed when doing the assessment, I sat on ours for a few months and tweaked it when things changed before I progressed it. My situation was different though as I knew there were financial changes coming up for me so we were waiting until they came into play before proceeding.

When their assessment tool has calculated everything you will be left with a "surplus" which is what they have determined is what you have left over to service your debts. This means it's really important to make sure you don't under estimate how much for school uniforms/present buying/entertainment etc.

Finally, you mentioned concern about going into something formal because of wanting a mortgage. Kindly, you have a CCJ and at least 1 default already so your credit rating is sub par as it is.

Getting a handle on this NOW will free up disposable income for you and your family and take the metaphorical noose from around your necks.

Good luck.

£160 a month is quite low. I used to pay my parents £150 in 1978. Out of £280 take home a month. I thought I was rich. Could you ask for an extra £10 a week?

Also op one Xmas when dd was young (I appreciate this is harder with older dc) all her gifts came frome free cycle.
Someone gave away two huge bin bag of perfectly good wondeful toys that she loved.

Firstly as others here have said,Draw up a budget plan .(CAB will often help with this) and dont worry about saving for a deposit ATM.Get clear help and you can move forward in the future if necessary.You are not alone in your position! Once you have drawn up a plan ,things will look better.