Went through our finances and we're fucked.

As you are on Universal Credit, you are eligible for a help to save account. If you stick £50 a month in there each month until Xmas, you will have £200 to withdraw and put towards Xmas AND you will get £100 in Sept 2025.

On vinted/ebay, enlist the kids in this. Offer them 50% of whatever they can make rummaging through old items, which reduces pressure on you to fund their discretionary spending and brings you in a bit of cash. (Just make sure they dont get carried away and empty the house completely!!)

You are definitely not alone!
My initial thoughts are
Sort the kids Christmas present budget out from the money you make selling stuff, set a limit for each of them and don't go over. No big ticket items this year. The older ones you can explain that you're sorting out your finances to get to the point of trying to buy a house. They don't need to know the intimate details.
The car. Is that on finance? Depending on what sort, could you sell it and buy something older and cheaper outright? If it's a PCP type agreement, see if there's any way you can hand it back and again buy something outright. Or could you manage without a car at all for a year or two as you live in London where there is decent public transport compared to most of the country. That would free up more money to put towards your debts.

The good thing is that you're just about servicing your current debts with an increase in income on the horizon, plus being able to pick up extra shifts as well.

A PP suggestion of you picking up some babysitting is also a very good idea.

https://www.hfslondon.com/blog/en/host-students-greenwich/

this might be of interest to you as a side income, along with the babysitting, get yourself on more than one website.

Sell on vinted but also buy on vinted! If this has been mentioned sorry. A lot of stuff is available on there for a fraction of what it costs new so instead of buying brand new clothes buy off vinted, some are like new anyway. I save loads doing that

Vinted is really easy and I put off joining for ages because I was scared to try it 🙈. But it holds your hand through the whole process. Some tips:

• don't overprice stuff, when you do the listing it usually suggests what similar items go for
• make sure items are clean, not creased and photos taken in good light
• turn on bundle deals (in settings) so people can get discounts if they buy multiple items

Do a room at a time and get items to sell on Facebook marketplace. Clear out any kitchen gadgets you don't use, any unwanted gifts. Clear out the shed/ garage etc. I'm on mat leave and had made a couple of hundred quid doing this. It feels really good decluttering too. Be absolutely ruthless, I promise you don't need 90% of the stuff you've accumulated.

When it comes to the kids birthdays/, Christmas, ask family to give them money to put in their savings. It means you won't get another influx of stuff.

@truthhurts23 Thanks for that app. I’ve got £51k worth debt without mortgage. The app says it’ll be paid off in 1 year 10 months 😁

Have a look if there is a Community Money Advice centre near you. They have Face to Face debt advice, which may work better if you have ADHD. They will help with your budget and give debt advice.

If not, then use stepchange/citizens advice and do as they say. You'll feel.much better for it.

Get the teenagers on board with the online selling. If you have lots of books, use er buy books. Use Facebook selling pages, vinted etc and get the teens to do the photos and adverts.

Only use money from that for Xmas and birthdays - give yourself an incentive to get it done!

ADHD - get the assessment as soon as you can, and get medicated. This will help in the with impulsive spending and the "ADHD Tax". Read more about this on the ADDitude website.

https://www.additudemag.com/?s=Adhd%20tax&fs=&orderby=&weight=

Have some spending strategies:

1. Think about when you online shop impulsively the most- find something else to do instead. Eg colour in while watching TV in the evening if that's when you do it.

1. Never buy the things you put in the online basket straight away..wait at least 48hrs. Then you'll have most likely changed your mind or the basket will have emptied.

1. Unsubscribe from emails - avoid the temptation when the sale emails arrive.

1. Give yourself a budget for everything, use the Money Helper Budget Tool or any other FREE one.

www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en/everyday-money/budgeting/budget-planner

1. Have separate accounts for things. ADHD brain needs to be able to see what each pit of money is for. So that you have a realistic idea of how much money is saved for each thing.

I have savings/accounts for; kids uniforms, car maintenance/mot, oil/winter fuel, Christmas, vets fees, school trips, clothes, new shoes. I save a 12th of what I spend yearly every month. If I don't have separate accounts then it looks like a lot of money and it gets spent on crap!

I also have ADHD, and this time last year I was lending money for car repairs and was skint at the end of each month.

Now I have £700 in my electricity account, £1200 in the various accounts for uniforms/car maintenance etc, and around £3000 in savings.

The diff is ADHD meds started oct last year, and deciding to make a budget and stick to it. I use the Money Helper one that I've linked. And doing a budgeting course.

Im not on a huge wage, and am a single parent with 2 kids. I get universal credit top up.

You absolutely can do this. You just need some help - get some Face to face debt support, which includes budgeting. They can help you sort the debt, and then move forward managing the money you have.

This is the kind of thing you need to do. You need to make a huge, huge effort to spend as little as possible, and overpay on the debt. It's not easy, and you might have a miserable year or two, but it will be SO worth it when you're debt free and can start saving for your own house.

Perhaps ask your 19yo for a little more contribution in the short term to help out. Plan meals and make a huge effort to save electric/gas where possible.

We've just been there and it's hard, but absolutely doable.

Take a look around the house and see if there's anything you can sell on eBay. Every penny of extra cash goes towards extra debt payments.

It might not feel like it right now, but you're absolutely not fucked, you're in a much stronger position than lots of other people. You can do this, you've got it.

Every single month will get you closer to being debt free.

All well and good suggesting vinted and eBay but OP maybe get someone else to do it I don't know about you but my adhd would never let me sit and concentrate long enough for all that faff

More!

1. Menu planning for a week/month doesn't work for my adhd brain. I buy the food, forget I've got stuff planned on those days, don't make the food, waste loads. So now I buy 3 evening meals at a time. And that limits the waste. I also only shop online delivery - paying the delivery/click and collect at Aldi saves me buying shit I don't need.

1. To save last min rush and paying lots for packed lunch stuff on the way to school I prep. So I buy the crisps, fruit, fruit juice cartons, biscuits etc for the week. And on Sunday I make 5 boxes ready for the week for each child. I use big takeaway containers from Amazon. Containers stay at home so kids don't break/lose them.

1. Think of things you buy in hours worked and tell the kids as well. Eg I had to spend 2 hours working to be able to buy this. Is it worth it?

They are frank, but not nasty or superior. Most of the posters have been there and they just want to help. Tough love, I suppose.

I haven't read the full thread (sorry) but can 100% recommend joining the money saving expert forum and heading to debt free wannabes.

Good luck x

Not read all of the replies but I got a Monzo account to run alongside my current account. I transfer £100 a week into it, which is to buy food and petrol and what's left is to frit away. I have four kids so £100 a week is extremely tight / unrealistic BUT if I dip into my current account it can only be for a £30 petrol top up or a essential shop.

It's changed my life. I can now cover unexpected outgoings like tyres and car service as I put bits aside into pots. My mortgage goes straight into a pot on pay day then is paid back as a standing order the day before its due as an example.

What does vinted charge for selling items?

eBay is a high % for sales and auction but nothing if you don't sell.

Market place is free

You’ve tried to do your best for them but have overspent- you’re not an awful mum.

See what you can sell. We did quite well on whole sets of playmobil etc. I would start with a sort out and sell sell sell. Be honest with the older two and pool ideas for cheap meals- get them involved. It will be a great life lesson for them to budget and rein in spending.

Charity shops are a good source of cheap gifts for your youngest so the present pile is not tiny - kids DVDs etc.

What do you think you’ve gained by being such a twat posting that? The thread is 12 pages long with lots of help and guidance. sadly, a few twats like you who make mumsnet such a difficult place for people to ask for help on many a subject. Have a chat with yourself in the mirror and hope you never have to ask for help on mumsnet.

Vinted is free to sell on. I recommend it and have made quite a bit clearing the house. Every £2-3 adds up if you’re realistic with your prices.

This. Could you look at signing on with an online agency? 12-15ph if you have childcare qualifications and it's not taxing if the kids are asleep. And it's flexible as well... evenings, weekends, holidays.

''We are both chronic over spenders''

THIS is the bottom line.

At least you acknowledge this.

Possessions really don't bring happiness, buying and spending is often an 'Addiction'.

{Rich people are notoriously tight, and that's how they stay wealthy!}

Woman I know is married to a multi millionaire and he goes dottyville if she buys branded bleach for the bathroom.. It has to be Tesco own brand.

John Paul Getty was equally tight.

Kids need to realise there isn't endless money for tat. {Which is what most toys &c are}

Sitters.co.uk are also good... We use their babysitters frequently - they're relatively expensive but usually qualified childcare/teaching staff.

Well done @ClusterFukt, many of us have been in bad financial positions and clawed our way out!

Vinted is great, there are many ways to save money and you will do this!

Good luck x

The best lesson Dad taught us as kids was to ''save'' and budget..

To put away a small amount of pocket money every week, to save up for a much wanted item, even if it took many months.

It was actually so special to finally go to the shop with weeks of savings to buy a special item.

@ClusterFukt When my husband left, I too was really skint - but my son {who is an adult now} really says the most important things were doing nice things- chatting, and stories, rather than buying things.

As a teenager, he had a paper round which helped- and Saturday jobs-
I think it does kids good to not have everything handed to them on a plate.