Went through our finances and we're fucked.

Apologies if this has already been mentioned, I've not read the full thread...if your OH is in the Police I would strongly recommend talking to Police Copperpot credit union. They have helped me and lots of colleagues out of a hole many times. I consolidated lots of unmanageble credit card debt into one loan. Its salary sacrifice so no concerns about defaulting either. I buried my head in the sand but they are very approachable and understanding and take a common sense approach rather than 'computer says no'. Good luck OP 😘

Hi @ClusterFukt your debts aren't huge, but this financial crisis makes them untenable. It's an absolute sh1t isn't it?

I think you're doing the right thing negotiating, but don't let them tell you how much you'll pay, you need to manage what is affordable overall. Citizens advice helped my DSis out years ago - her now ex-DH refused to pay for anything so it was all on her to manage debt - mainly credit cards - of more than £35k they'd built up over 12 years. She applied for a Lloyd's bank account under tgeur guidance, got tgat and was able to build her credit profile back in a few short years, even with payments going out.

You need to have enough money every month to buy food and other essentials. I'd suggest at least £700 as there are several of you, so work backwards from that.

Def cut down everything. I'm sure you're thinking about Christmas too - buying a little each week/month. And where to buy boxed good condition second hand electronics or things the kids will enjoy for tears, like lego which can be bought cheaply second hand.

Maybe sky or TV shows become presents too. Honestly imo, Disney is about the best buy TV package.

Sending you good luck x

She's already explained that her son lives with his Dad for part of the week, so isn't at her home full time.

You have the chance to change how your kids view money and stuff now, and show them a better way. Being 'chronic overspenders" just means you are buying pointless stuff you don't need, making profits for someone else and stress for yourselves. You can see that now.
I don't want to come across all pompous, but I buy my kids basically bugger all for xmas / bdays, they don't care coz they are used to it. They aren't bothered about stuff. Genuinely, its freeing.
You can change your mindset and be happier. All that stuff you've bought has made you miserable. Don't wallow in guilt or shame though, it's not your fault, its just capitalism.

By PC I assume you mean Police. I’d seriously look at what impact any debt solutions like IVA and bankruptcy would have on that and disclosure.

Then make a plan.

Firstly you absolutely need to do your budget according to priority. Rent, Council tax, energy,water and food. Then work related and school expenses such as transport and uniform (secondhand as much as possible).

check if you are eligible for any benefits such as universal credit.

I know you have a high ish income, but you also have high rent and depending on the amount of children you can claim for are you may well qualify especially if you have any childcare costs such as wraparound care

Are you eligible to join any social housing registers. Each area has its own criteria and local connections and income thresholds. Research them. Family members such as mother brother father sister can also give you like a connection again check the criteria. This might be the route to long-term secure accommodation.

Head over to the MSE “debt free wannabe” and post a statement of affairs (they have a template).
they will be able to help, but be warned they are brutal.

OP have you been medically diagnosed with ADHD (or is it self diagnosis?)

Have you sought help for this to help with your organisational skills?

Based on what you have said about being disorganised and forgetting things, do you rely on memory rather than electronic devices that can give you reminders etc?

Have you any strategies to manage your behaviour?

Do you need help with this?

What I meant was, they have enough money to live on

It’s all a matter of perspective

What help are you getting with your mental health?

Does your partner's brain do numbers?

Is he in this with you?

Can he possibly get a few hours extra work somewhere as he's training?

Why 'awful mum' (which you're not)
You're not on your own. Surely it took both of you to get where you are?

Omg 😨your rent is more than your wage. No wonder you can't save for a deposit

OP once you have a plan in place you need to keep on top of it. They way you are feeling is because it feels out of control.

Make sure you check you bank balance every day, set an alarm to do so - this will give you a reminder of your situation and keep you on track.

Do not splurge on pay day - if you have any treat money make it the end of the month for doing well.

Look at previous pensions you may have paid into - you can get back money you paid in (but not your employer) it’s worth checking.

Once you’ve paid off one debt snowball the payment into the next debt. It will get paid off quicker.

As for Christmas, you need to manage expectations. We’ve had secondhand bikes, clothes and toys - kids didn’t notice or care.

Look at places like Shein, things are much cheaper for stocking fillers, bit buy things they need, PJs socks underwear to bill out the gifts, wrap chocolate treats. Go to free events - carole singing, church do family events by candle light and are quite nice. Lights being switched on. Kids remember the good times not the gifts.

Im sort of in the same boat but I usually go mad for Christmas and birthdays. After spending a week de cluttering I found toys some brand new I sold on vinted and have some to charity just so I had space as it was overwhelming. My advice is only buy things they need at Christmas, I use to buy for the sake of buying to make up for more presents and they didn't get used.

I can well imagine, I'm in Yorkshire and my rent is 600. Crazy the difference in prices in different areas

OP You've had some really good advice on here about how to manage the debt but as a couple of other posters have mentioned, it's just as important to manage spending ongoing and be really, really disciplined about it. From your posts on here I get the feeling you might be a bit disorganised and "flutter brained" especially when it's something stressful.
I would sit down and do a spread sheet detailing EVERYTHING you spend. So obviously all the regular payments but ideally go back over say the last 3 months and list all the key categories - groceries / eating out / kids / maintenance / car etc. You will soon see where you are spending and can potentially save.
Then going forward, enter every penny you spend - both you and DH. Sounds really tedious but it will force you to see where the money is actually going. Your Monzo account will help you do this.
From a few posts here I was somewhat horrified that you are still having takeaways/eating out/have streaming subscriptions etc. and am glad you've started to cut back on these. Also, the kids will survive a low key Christmas. They really will. It is far more important to keep a roof over their heads.
Also as you are now making some savings and earning a bit more, make sure that this is going towards cutting your debts - don't be tempted to use it as discretionary spending.
I wish you all the best. Acknowledging the problem is the first step to solving it.

Well you've unstuck your head so now he has to do the same.

You're getting to grips with it all and now he needs to do the same. Two heads are better than one!