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HELP - SOMEONE...ANYONE

207 replies

joash · 10/04/2005 15:24

SORRY THIS IS A LONG ONE _ BUT I REALLY NEED HELP.

My grandsons father has applied for parental responsibility and a residency order in his favour. How likely is it that he'll get these?

For those of you that don't already know, on July 1st last year, a residency order was made in our favour for our grandson. He was placed in our care, for his own safety, by social services when he was 5 months old, we were told that he would be living with us until he's 18. GS's dad is a complete D*head. He put the baby in hospital at 5 months old - his face was covered in bruises and with a suspected chest fracture. I say 'suspected' because, as GS was very tiny (at five months old he was still in new born clothes - it turned out that his dad wouldn't allow him to be fed in the night - he believed that he was too old and should be sleeping through, so GS wasn't growing), there was some sort of anomaly on his x-rays, but he was too small to be sure what it was, the paediatrician says it was most likely a chest fracture. Anyway, I did think that it was all in the past now. At 2 years old (and four months) GS is extremely well and just about caught up on his height, etc. He's so amusing and such a pleasant child. Yet when his parents are here - he's miserable.

The residency order was made on 1st July 2004. The assessments of GS's parents parenting skills and abilities were conducted over a 14-month period, during which they were obstructive, aggressive, and demonstrated no commitment to GS?s needs and well being. All parties concerned with GS?s welfare (CAFCASS officer, a number of social workers involved in the case and information reached this conclusion from the NSPCC). The actual order clearly states that RMBC Social Services have no current plans to rehabilitate GS with his parents now or in the future. And a recent conversation with the supporting Social Worker showed that the Social Services are still taking this stance.

There has been no change in any of the circumstances that brought about the application for the residency order. Indeed GS?s parents circumstances have degenerated even further. To this day - his father remains aggressive when dealing with social workers, at least once to the point of the social worker requiring their security officers on ?standby? when he had gone into their offices.
We are still very concerned for our daughter. Physically, she often arrives at our house dirty and sometimes smells ? to the point of having to change into her fathers clothes, or spraying herself with fabric freshener whilst she is here. They cannot afford to feed themselves adequately and she often eats with us or leaves our house with parcels of food. She remains is often quiet and subdued, particularly when he is around. When she comes to see GS alone ? his dad constantly telephones her until she leaves. This is not the strong-willed, fun loving, lively young woman that we knew prior to her beginning her relationship with him.

DD claims that this application has been made without their knowledge, and that dickheads solicitor has gone ahead with the application without consulting either of them. However, we believe that this application is a deliberate ploy to try and prevent us from moving on with our lives. We have never made any secret of the fact that we are moving to Cornwall. In fact, before GS was born, his parents were included in that plan. Dickhead knows that our house has now been placed on the market and that my DH has received confirmation that his job will finish in July this year. I have also been accepted onto Social Work training, in Cornwall, to start at the beginning of September. We plan on moving as soon as possible, in order to settle GS and DS with regards to schools, nursery, and a new home, etc. DD has informed me that dickhead has been told that if they can get the supervision order extended, the social services will pay for them to get to Cornwall, under their pretext of visiting GS. Dickhead repeatedly complains to the social worker and, his behaviour and attitude towards them remains aggressive.

As for the contacts - dickhead has turned up for 24 contacts out of a potential 51, with many of those having to be chased up by us, and has arrived at the agreed time only 12 occasions. He is supposed to spend at least 6 hours with GS on each contact (arriving by 11 and staying with GS until teatime ? a potential total of 300 hours). In reality, he has spent a grand total of 31 hours 25 minutes with him.

We are in court this Tuesday morning and I really need to know - What are the chances of the judge
throwing this out?

Are we going to have to start everything all over again?

OP posts:
LIZS · 10/04/2005 15:34

As a layperson I really don't know the answer but I would hope given the history that it is merely a stalling tactic with minimal hope of success. That is a very recent judgement to get overturned and unless they can prove that the evidence was flawed or they have changed significantly I would hope that it would be rapidly dismissed. I'm afraid I don't buy the "solicitor has done it without our knowledge" line though.

Can you speak to the social worker and find out what their expectation is. They would presumably have a lawyer to represent your gs' interests in all this.

Good luck.

snafu · 10/04/2005 15:49

Joash, I've got no practical experience of this but I can't believe that a judge would take this application seriously even for a second. On the basis of what you have said here and on previous threads, dickhead is unfit to look after a goldfish, let alone a child. The courts have already seen this and I can't see any reason for them to overrule that previous decision.

It must be so distressing for you, though. Have you spokent to the SS? can they, as LIZS says, give you any idea of what they think the outcome would be? Best of luck.

WideWebWitch · 10/04/2005 15:53

Joash, I haven't read any previous threads on this and don't know the background but this sounds so awful, your poor gs. I doubt a judge will remove him from a stable loving environment and order that he be placed with his parents, when this puts him in danger but I'm no expert. I hope someone with experience comes along to help with this. I think all you can do is tell the truth, get your own representation if you need it and hope good sense wins the day.

joash · 10/04/2005 16:04

Thanks for your comments and advice everyone. We do have a solicitor - she's great and we see her again on Monday. I'm so stressed, it's unbeleivable. I was under the impression that they couldn't reapply until at least one year had passed.

I have spoken to the social worker - she advises us (off the record) to move a.s.a.p - because the case will transfer to a court near the child and she can't see Dickhead making the effort to travel that far (neither can I). However, if social services are going to fund his travel - what is the point? He's get what he sees as a free holiday. There has also been mention that if we move before the first year is up - social services will actually move them to live closer to us (paying for furniture, finding accomodation, etc). This child needs some stability and safety in his life, all the agencies involved agreed with this and yet the system backs up the moron that caused this in the first place.

My concern is that we'll have to start the whole assessment process again and spend another 14 months or so of stress and harrassment whilst he puts on one of his acts and wins the case. I've also heard that a judge will think that GS is too small for any damage to be done if they decide to remove him from our care.

OP posts:
tribpot · 10/04/2005 16:17

Hopefully your solicitor will be able to put your mind at rest tomorrow, joash. It sounds like this appalling man is just trying it on partly just to upset you. What little I know about the birth parents of my adopted nephew and niece suggest they are very much the same sort of person [as your grandson's dad], blaming Social Services and the world at large for their own inadequacies as parents and even human beings.

I'm very sorry to hear about your dd - from what you've said, it sounds as if she is being abused and is extremely depressed. Unfortunately I don't know what can be done to help her until she's ready to help herself, have you spoken to your grandson's social worker about her?

Best of luck for the court hearing on Tuesday. I hope you can put some distance between you and this awful man as soon as possible.

joash · 10/04/2005 16:21

Thanks tribpot - yes, much of our time since all this started almost two years ago has been spent trying to support DD. There's not a thing that we, or the social services can do - she is an adult and she has to make her own decisions. I know that sounds a little callous, but that's not the way I meant it.

And, just like your situation, dickhead also blames Social Services and the world at large, especially me, for his inadequacies as a parent and as a human beings. unfortunatelt DD is also starting to do the same.

OP posts:
Freckle · 10/04/2005 16:29

Could I firstly say that no solicitor will initiate any application to any court without the specific instructions of their client. It's not in their interest to, because they run the risk of not being paid, plus each application requires a fee, which the solicitor is not going to stump up him/herself. If the client is legally-aided, then the case must have been placed before the legal services commission first for legal aid to be awarded. If not legally-aided, the client is normally required to pay money on account up front.

Given the background you have described, the short amount of time which has passed since the order and the fact that there have been no material changes in the parents' circumstances, I would be incredibly surprised if a judge gave this application house room, especially as it seems that you have social services and the court welfare officers well and truly on your side.

I'm sure your solicitor will be able to tell you more to reassure you.

joash · 10/04/2005 18:14

Thanks freckle - Can I just say, that I don't believe for one minute that the solicitor is acting without their advice, their comment just shows how gullible they think we are.

OP posts:
sacha3taylor · 10/04/2005 18:24

Havn't got any advice, I just wanted to say good luck and will be thinking of you on tuesday. What a terible situation to be in .

cod · 10/04/2005 18:27

Message withdrawn

debs26 · 10/04/2005 19:22

poor you joash, my xp is a git but not nearly as bad as your gs dad. try not to worry, if there is one thing i have learnt whilst going thru very nasty court battles its that social services have a lot of common sense and they basically make the judges decision for him. i cant see how the judge could justify giving him parental responsibility and a residency order is laughable! would have thought that changing the circumstances this soon would be equal to upturning the previous judges descision, and that would require a lot of explaining so really cant see it happening. good luck, i hope everything works out for you and gs - he is very lucky to have you.

Surfermum · 10/04/2005 20:09

Oh joash, I'm so sorry to hear this. I supported dh when he went to Court to get contact with his dd and it is so stressful, as even though you always hope that common sense will prevail there is always that doubt. What sort of hearing is it? Is it the type when they decide whether they will hear the case or not?

This is all so awful for you when moving to Cornwall should be an exciting time for you. Hope you get lots of reassurance from your solicitor tomorrow and good luck on Tuesday. I'll be thinking of you.

aloha · 10/04/2005 20:20

It's clear what should happen here and I cannot believe a judge would look at all the reports and do anything other than throw this application out. I could cry for your little grandson. I hope it all works out on Tuesday.

chipmonkey · 10/04/2005 20:26

Joash, just want to add my sympathies and just looking at your case, any sane judge, would find in your favour. If your dd and dickheads circumstances haven't changed, theres no reason for the judge to find in your favour.

coppertop · 10/04/2005 20:53

No advice but just wanted to wish you the best of luck for Tuesday. xx

pixiefish · 10/04/2005 21:29

All the best on Tuesday Joash x

joash · 10/04/2005 22:01

Thanks everybody - I'll let you all know how it goes at the solicitors and on Tuesday.

OP posts:
BadgerBadger · 10/04/2005 22:32

Joash, I'm so sorry to hear about the further turmoil your GS's father is putting you through. FWIW I wouldn't imagine his application would be considered with any seriousness.

My niece was in a very similar position to your GS. At two and a half months she was on a resuscitation table in A&E.

She was removed from my sister and placed in foster care (I live in a different country).

My sisters (ex) partner (niece's father), eventually admitted to causing my niece injury and neglecting to seek medical attention for her, at this point my niece had been in care for four months. (She (my sister) had continued to breastfeed by expression throughout and she previously had no idea of what had happened to her daughter at the hands of her father).

My sister had broken up with him prior to this, but the social services kept my niece in care until they were sure all ties had been broken between my sister and her exP, that my sister was strong enough to withstand his attempts of exerting control and manipulation over her. Mainly that my sister would protect my niece's interests, whatever that entailed.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that my sister had to make mammoth changes for the Social Services to even consider returning her
My niece had been moved eleven times throughout the six month period that she was in foster care, but still, this situation was preferable in the Social Services eyes to the situation that had been. (My solicitior was in the process of applying for her to come to us, but unfortunately as it was an over seas case, this was taking time).

Your GS is in such a stable and loving environment I would be surprised if a judge would consider a change of circumstance anything other than a backward step. You and your GS have the Social services support and their word is bound to come above that of 'dickhead's'. Thankfully.

Best wishes for Tuesday, you will all be very much in my thoughts.

xx

hunkermunker · 12/04/2005 00:17

How did it go today, Joash? Thinking of you all xxxxxx

bubbly1973 · 12/04/2005 00:48

joash, wishing you the best of luck today, you will be in my thoughts hun

x

sallyenglebertstrawberry · 12/04/2005 00:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

snafu · 12/04/2005 07:57

Good luck joash - please let us know what happens.

dropinthe · 12/04/2005 08:01

THINKING OF YOU X X X

lou33 · 12/04/2005 09:10

Just saw this Joash, I have no advice for you, but wanted to say I am thinking of you all.

BadgerBadger · 12/04/2005 15:29

Joash, how did it go this morning? Thinking of you all and hope it went well.

xx