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HELP - SOMEONE...ANYONE

207 replies

joash · 10/04/2005 15:24

SORRY THIS IS A LONG ONE _ BUT I REALLY NEED HELP.

My grandsons father has applied for parental responsibility and a residency order in his favour. How likely is it that he'll get these?

For those of you that don't already know, on July 1st last year, a residency order was made in our favour for our grandson. He was placed in our care, for his own safety, by social services when he was 5 months old, we were told that he would be living with us until he's 18. GS's dad is a complete D*head. He put the baby in hospital at 5 months old - his face was covered in bruises and with a suspected chest fracture. I say 'suspected' because, as GS was very tiny (at five months old he was still in new born clothes - it turned out that his dad wouldn't allow him to be fed in the night - he believed that he was too old and should be sleeping through, so GS wasn't growing), there was some sort of anomaly on his x-rays, but he was too small to be sure what it was, the paediatrician says it was most likely a chest fracture. Anyway, I did think that it was all in the past now. At 2 years old (and four months) GS is extremely well and just about caught up on his height, etc. He's so amusing and such a pleasant child. Yet when his parents are here - he's miserable.

The residency order was made on 1st July 2004. The assessments of GS's parents parenting skills and abilities were conducted over a 14-month period, during which they were obstructive, aggressive, and demonstrated no commitment to GS?s needs and well being. All parties concerned with GS?s welfare (CAFCASS officer, a number of social workers involved in the case and information reached this conclusion from the NSPCC). The actual order clearly states that RMBC Social Services have no current plans to rehabilitate GS with his parents now or in the future. And a recent conversation with the supporting Social Worker showed that the Social Services are still taking this stance.

There has been no change in any of the circumstances that brought about the application for the residency order. Indeed GS?s parents circumstances have degenerated even further. To this day - his father remains aggressive when dealing with social workers, at least once to the point of the social worker requiring their security officers on ?standby? when he had gone into their offices.
We are still very concerned for our daughter. Physically, she often arrives at our house dirty and sometimes smells ? to the point of having to change into her fathers clothes, or spraying herself with fabric freshener whilst she is here. They cannot afford to feed themselves adequately and she often eats with us or leaves our house with parcels of food. She remains is often quiet and subdued, particularly when he is around. When she comes to see GS alone ? his dad constantly telephones her until she leaves. This is not the strong-willed, fun loving, lively young woman that we knew prior to her beginning her relationship with him.

DD claims that this application has been made without their knowledge, and that dickheads solicitor has gone ahead with the application without consulting either of them. However, we believe that this application is a deliberate ploy to try and prevent us from moving on with our lives. We have never made any secret of the fact that we are moving to Cornwall. In fact, before GS was born, his parents were included in that plan. Dickhead knows that our house has now been placed on the market and that my DH has received confirmation that his job will finish in July this year. I have also been accepted onto Social Work training, in Cornwall, to start at the beginning of September. We plan on moving as soon as possible, in order to settle GS and DS with regards to schools, nursery, and a new home, etc. DD has informed me that dickhead has been told that if they can get the supervision order extended, the social services will pay for them to get to Cornwall, under their pretext of visiting GS. Dickhead repeatedly complains to the social worker and, his behaviour and attitude towards them remains aggressive.

As for the contacts - dickhead has turned up for 24 contacts out of a potential 51, with many of those having to be chased up by us, and has arrived at the agreed time only 12 occasions. He is supposed to spend at least 6 hours with GS on each contact (arriving by 11 and staying with GS until teatime ? a potential total of 300 hours). In reality, he has spent a grand total of 31 hours 25 minutes with him.

We are in court this Tuesday morning and I really need to know - What are the chances of the judge
throwing this out?

Are we going to have to start everything all over again?

OP posts:
joash · 08/05/2005 23:09

Thanks surfermum. I know I keep saying it, but I'm so bloody worried. DH is his usual laid back self and keep saying "He's got no chance...he'll not get him back...nowt to worry about..." etc, etc. I can't get him to understand that if the CAFCASS guardian says that GS should be with his mum and dad - they'll send him home and just put him on the child protection register. We're not even into the middle of this yet and I keep looking at GS and photo's of him and crying like a blody idiot at the thought of him being given to dickhead.

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joash · 08/05/2005 23:22

I'm Still ranting;

When I mentioned the judge denying a prohibited steps order (Tuesday, 12 April) - according to our solicitor, he could stil apply again, either for that order or a specific steps order - both could prevent up moving and gettin on with our lives. This is something that we've been planning for almost 10 years. DH has given up his bloody job (at the end of July) and there's no chance of turning that one round at this stage. The house is on the market (although that's another thread in itself) and we are told that we might not have any choice - the judge will not take into account what we've given up, only what he (or CAFCASS) decide for GS.

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joash · 09/05/2005 14:44

Feeling a lot calmer today. Just spoken to the solicitor (finally) and she's attending court tommorrow - we don't need to be there because its only another time tabling thing.

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bubbly1973 · 09/05/2005 19:06

joash, glad to see you are more calmer today, i know its frustrating but please do try not to let him wind you up, its exactly what he wants to do, make your life as hard as he can

hang on in there hun

joash · 09/05/2005 22:11

thanks bubbly - think I'd go potty, if I couldn't unload on MN.

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joash · 11/05/2005 20:50

Okay ... Didn't go to court. As I said the other day - it wasn't necessary. A guardian has finally been appointed, had a telephone conversation with her today and she's coming out next week. Waiting for confirmation from solicitor as to time tabled dates, etc.

What I want to know is- diskhead is acting for himself - he has no solicitor. He didn't turn up yesterday, hence there was no-one there to represent his interests ... so how come it wasn't adjourned?

How come, they went ahead with everything?

If our solicitor hadn't turned up , surely they wouldn't have acted on anything?

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joash · 11/05/2005 20:51

that should be dickhead - although the amount of time he spends on his playstation, perhaps diskhead is more suitable.

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irishbird · 17/05/2005 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

joash · 19/05/2005 22:33

Hi Irishbird - GS is almost 2 1/2. Apart from the 8 weeks that he lived with his parents he has always lived with us. (From birth to three months - then they moved out and he was placed with us for his safety at five months old). I didn't realise that CAFCASS and the guardinas are different. She is a Court appointed Guardian, but she's from CAFCASS - if that makes any sense.

Met the guardian the other day. I am scared that they are going to send him to his dad. She did say that if we hadn't been moving to Cornwall, she would have already recommended that he stay with us. But she's concerned about the move to Cornwall and is having to think about what she is going to recommend. Surely, if the move to Cornwall wasn't a problem when we were awarded the residency order, it shouldn't be a problem now.

She also said that dickhead 'flipped' when she asked him a simple question - so she knows how easily his buttons are pushed.

She asked if I wanted GS to go back and I replied honestly and said "...no - it would be like someone taking away one of my own. If he went back to his mum - at least I know that he'd be safe and although I would be devastated at losing him, at least I could get on with my life and know that my grandson is safe. I don't even want to think about if he want back to his dad - that really scares me."

I still get the impression that she's goint to recommend he stays here and is returned to them under some kind of supervision - regardless of what social services say. I did point out that the three incidences of bruising that culminated in the severe injuries that resulted in GS's hospitalisation happened in an eight week period - after I had already reported my concerns to Social services and they had had one visit.

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irishbird · 20/05/2005 15:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

joash · 20/05/2005 22:38

Hi again irishbird - we've just discovered that GS's mum's solicitor is now acting for dickhead as well - surely this is a direct conflict of interest?
As for not moving - we can't stay. DH has no job after 23rd July, DS has no school place here after 22nd July - he has a place in Cornwall. The house has to be sold because of DH's redundancy - so we will have no home here. I have the social work training that starts in September.
We have talked to everyone concerned all the way through this - It's not about presenting a black and white situation - our argument is that we have NEVER made any secret of our move. We have already been told by one CAFCASS officer, the Social Services and the previous court that it's the best thing for all concerned. Why can they suddenly make an issues of it?

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joash · 20/05/2005 22:42

The best place for GS is with us and there's no way on this earth that I would leave him. We have offered face to face contact, every school holiday and pointed out that even if they only stayed one day every six weeks - GS would actually see them for a longer period that the one hour or so every week that they turn up now.
We are keeping money to one side permenantly in case they ever have to come down to us in an emergency. We have assisted them in getting on the housing registers in cornwall.
The cheeky 'gits' have even asked if we would be willing to pay for them to come down every time thay want to see him!!!!!!!!!! - errrr NO!!! Even if we could afford it, I wouldn't do it on principal, surely it's their responsibility to make the effort to visit him. They supposedly care about him, so why don't they have to prove it?

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joash · 20/05/2005 22:45

As a direct consequence of what they have done - we will have lost our home, gone from earning a total of around £70,000 a year to £10,500. Not to mention the permenant stress and anguish. They sit on their backsides laughing, getting public funding and have none of the hassles of true parenting.

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irishbird · 21/05/2005 09:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

joash · 21/05/2005 12:09

She wouldn't do that - she thinks that the sun shines out of dickheads backside - even though he has admitted to hurting GS, he told her he was a bit too rough with him and she beleives him even though two doctors (one a nationally recognised 'expert') have said that GS's injuries were definatelt non accidental.

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irishbird · 21/05/2005 12:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

joash · 21/05/2005 21:46

Thanks Irishbird.
He won't not turn up at court hearings because he has DD2 pushing him into attending.

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joash · 22/05/2005 12:44

The guardian has been today to observe contact.
GS's parents knew that they were supposed to be meeting her here and still arrived 25 minutes late. The guardian has said again that if we hadn't been moving to Cornwall, she would have already recommended that he stay with us. But she's concerned about the move to Cornwall. She also commented on dickheads aggression and mood swings.
They left five minutes after the guardian had left, thus spending a whole 55 minutes with him!!

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BadgerBadger · 25/05/2005 00:26

Hi Joash, I don't have anything helpful to add, I'm sorry. I do think of you and your situation often and keep up with what you post. I really feel for you and what you are going through, it must be overwhelming.
I've got everything crossed for a good outcome for you all and soon!
xx

Freckle · 25/05/2005 07:14

I find their assertion that the move to Cornwall is concerning them rather odd. If they feel you are the right people for gs to be with now, then you are the right people for him no matter where you are. Seems they are putting the parents' desire for contact above the child's need for security. What are they likely to suggest? That, if you move to Cornwall, they will recommend the child is returned to his parents or go into foster care locally? I can't imagine a court would see that as the best solution at all.

joash · 26/05/2005 00:16

Thanks freckle and BB.

Freckle - I totally agree with you when you say "If they feel you are the right people for gs to be with now, then you are the right people for him no matter where you are." That's exactly what I think and even asked the solicitor the same question. Apparently theres no negotiation with the CAFCASS people - they'll do whatever they want to do regardless of their lack of knowledge about the situation. There is the possibility that they could say he goes back to his parents but goes on the child protection register!!!!!!!!

I also agree that they are putting the parents' desire for contact above the child's need for security, regardless of the fact that they are not even commited to the contact that they are allowed.

To put it bluntly - I am so f*cking stressed - it's unbelievable (sorry about the language). I am trying to be positive, but I can't be. I'm at the stage now where everytime I look at GS or a photo of him - I'm blubbing like an idiot - that just isn't me. Even now, I keep thinking "They're going to take him away" - I know that his life will be hell with his parents and that he'll get hurt - but no-one will listen to me, I'm seen as an interfering grandma that doesn't want to give GS up.

We're in court again on Friday

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Freckle · 26/05/2005 02:20

Wish I could give you strength for Friday. I'm sure you'll find it yourself to fight for your gs. I just wish that sometimes these "social" workers would sit and think about the effect they have on others' lives. I'm sure that they are so into their "job" that they lose sight of the people they are dealing with. I know that the courts these days try their hardest to maintain contact between a child and its natural parents, but they are still meant to be acting in the best interests of the child and this doesn't seem to be happening in your case.

Good luck.

tatt · 26/05/2005 05:56

joash there isn't very much I can say. However from what you say about the judge last time he was not at all impressed by the arguments but forward by dickhead's solicitor last time. Hope you get the same judge this time. The court is supposed to put the child's interests first and it seems pretty obvious to lay people that's to stay with you.

BadgerBadger · 27/05/2005 10:30

Thinking of you today Joash xx

joash · 27/05/2005 15:49

Thanks for the support everyone - here's another update.

We've attended the court today, and I was very shocked by the Guardians report - she fully supports us and clearly says that GS's parents are not capable of giving him the care, support and security that he needs. She commented on GS's dada volatile nature and said that she had witnessed how easily he 'snapped'. She also stated that nothing had changed and that they still played down the severity of what had happened to GS when he was a baby.

I was convinced that she was going to recommend giving GS to his parents. Perhaps she was just playing devils advocate or perhaps she was seeing if she could get some sort of negative reaction from me - who knows. Anyway, it's not over yet. GS's dad was abusive towards the guardian at the court today. He has told the judge that everyone is against him and taking our side.

Their solicitor has requested time to get another (this time - independant) social worker to make a report, or time for a psychologist to make a psychological assessment of them to see if they have 'moved-on' and made significant changes to their lives and attitudes. He tried to say that it would take until October (at least) to find a psychologist. Although the judge has said that they have to appoint either the psychologist or independant social worker - he also clearly stated that this has to be finished by the 29th July - so that it fits in with our timetabled move. Social services also have to make a position statement and the current Guardian will make an addendum to hers and the previous guardians report.

So far there have been two seperate CAFCASS guardian reports and reports from six different social worker teams who have worked in this case. All support GS staying with us - how many more do they need? Surely by this stage someone should be saying that this is going no-where.

However, I am feeling more positive - even though we will be having another judge on the 29th July (current one's son is getting married on that date and apparently he's been told that he has to be there ).

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