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HELP - SOMEONE...ANYONE

207 replies

joash · 10/04/2005 15:24

SORRY THIS IS A LONG ONE _ BUT I REALLY NEED HELP.

My grandsons father has applied for parental responsibility and a residency order in his favour. How likely is it that he'll get these?

For those of you that don't already know, on July 1st last year, a residency order was made in our favour for our grandson. He was placed in our care, for his own safety, by social services when he was 5 months old, we were told that he would be living with us until he's 18. GS's dad is a complete D*head. He put the baby in hospital at 5 months old - his face was covered in bruises and with a suspected chest fracture. I say 'suspected' because, as GS was very tiny (at five months old he was still in new born clothes - it turned out that his dad wouldn't allow him to be fed in the night - he believed that he was too old and should be sleeping through, so GS wasn't growing), there was some sort of anomaly on his x-rays, but he was too small to be sure what it was, the paediatrician says it was most likely a chest fracture. Anyway, I did think that it was all in the past now. At 2 years old (and four months) GS is extremely well and just about caught up on his height, etc. He's so amusing and such a pleasant child. Yet when his parents are here - he's miserable.

The residency order was made on 1st July 2004. The assessments of GS's parents parenting skills and abilities were conducted over a 14-month period, during which they were obstructive, aggressive, and demonstrated no commitment to GS?s needs and well being. All parties concerned with GS?s welfare (CAFCASS officer, a number of social workers involved in the case and information reached this conclusion from the NSPCC). The actual order clearly states that RMBC Social Services have no current plans to rehabilitate GS with his parents now or in the future. And a recent conversation with the supporting Social Worker showed that the Social Services are still taking this stance.

There has been no change in any of the circumstances that brought about the application for the residency order. Indeed GS?s parents circumstances have degenerated even further. To this day - his father remains aggressive when dealing with social workers, at least once to the point of the social worker requiring their security officers on ?standby? when he had gone into their offices.
We are still very concerned for our daughter. Physically, she often arrives at our house dirty and sometimes smells ? to the point of having to change into her fathers clothes, or spraying herself with fabric freshener whilst she is here. They cannot afford to feed themselves adequately and she often eats with us or leaves our house with parcels of food. She remains is often quiet and subdued, particularly when he is around. When she comes to see GS alone ? his dad constantly telephones her until she leaves. This is not the strong-willed, fun loving, lively young woman that we knew prior to her beginning her relationship with him.

DD claims that this application has been made without their knowledge, and that dickheads solicitor has gone ahead with the application without consulting either of them. However, we believe that this application is a deliberate ploy to try and prevent us from moving on with our lives. We have never made any secret of the fact that we are moving to Cornwall. In fact, before GS was born, his parents were included in that plan. Dickhead knows that our house has now been placed on the market and that my DH has received confirmation that his job will finish in July this year. I have also been accepted onto Social Work training, in Cornwall, to start at the beginning of September. We plan on moving as soon as possible, in order to settle GS and DS with regards to schools, nursery, and a new home, etc. DD has informed me that dickhead has been told that if they can get the supervision order extended, the social services will pay for them to get to Cornwall, under their pretext of visiting GS. Dickhead repeatedly complains to the social worker and, his behaviour and attitude towards them remains aggressive.

As for the contacts - dickhead has turned up for 24 contacts out of a potential 51, with many of those having to be chased up by us, and has arrived at the agreed time only 12 occasions. He is supposed to spend at least 6 hours with GS on each contact (arriving by 11 and staying with GS until teatime ? a potential total of 300 hours). In reality, he has spent a grand total of 31 hours 25 minutes with him.

We are in court this Tuesday morning and I really need to know - What are the chances of the judge
throwing this out?

Are we going to have to start everything all over again?

OP posts:
ElliesMad · 29/06/2005 23:18

Hi Joash,
Me and DH are looking into fostering my cousins baby so have been looking for news of your progress. I have been told that social workers and indeed guardians often say things simply to guage your reaction, so they will ask something obvious- should your gs go back to his parents- no- this could be to judge your reaction and nothing else. Try not to worry ( I know!!!). The guardians reports count for an awful lot. Have gs's parents had psychological examinations???

ElliesMad · 29/06/2005 23:19

sorry posts crossed!!!!!!!!!!!!

joash · 29/06/2005 23:23

Hi ElliesMad - no they both refused to have a psychological report. The scary thing is that before any of this started, an ex colleague of mine, met GS's dad a few times (she's a specialist in psychiatric disorders - her specialism is personality disorder (PD)) and she once told me that I should be very worried about DD2 being with him, because from what she observed about hes behaviour end demeanor, she felt that he was at least borderline PD. I think that their solicitors are fully aware that he has something wrong with him and that's why they refuse any psychological assessment.

OP posts:
ElliesMad · 30/06/2005 08:58

HI Joash,

The parents in my case are both having psychological evaluations with a forensic psychologist. And a top one from London at that!! I would think that their refusal alarms social services and goes against them quite a lot. It's so difficult when it's family isn't it? I can't really go into too many details as mum looks on the internet a lot. The baby is only 16 months so at least social are trying to get things done quickly.
All the best.

joash · 30/06/2005 21:42

and it continues - DD2 (GS's mum) came to see him earlier and let slip that they had the meeting with the so-called independant social worker at her solicitors the day before he observed contact so that he could tell them what he was looking for!!!!!!!

OP posts:
KatieinSpain · 01/07/2005 08:59

Dear Joash,

I've been reading your thread for ages now and just wanted to say the obvious, very simply because with all the stress you are going through right now, the truth of the matter sometimes gets lost. You have a happy, healthy, safe GS - that is down to you and your DH and other DS.

Another fact is that GS is actually another DS. You haven't engineered this, it is just how it should be after all this time with you, he is your child.

You don't have to justify moving to Cornwall either - it is a good thing and I can't wait to hear the details. Alright, to the authorities, you do, because of the legal circumstances but do hold onto the fact, it is the right thing for you all as a family. If the system is going to pay for DD2 and her partner to visit, don't let it hassle you. Can you see them making it during winter?

This is a very long way of saying how much I admire you and what you are doing as a family to protect the very person who needs it most. I hope you get the legal break you need soon. How is the packing going? Have a good weekend.

ElliesMad · 01/07/2005 12:05

I could not agree more with KatieInSpain. Well said.

joash · 02/07/2005 11:58

I just wanted to say thanjk you to both of you ElliesMad & KatieinSpain (as well as everyone else who has commented). I know that what you say is right and if I don#t think about what's going off at the moment - I'm fine. It's just that the scary thoughts about the possibility of them sending GS back to his parents creeps in sometimes, and I have to let of steam or whinge.

Thanks for the kind words and the support.

OP posts:
Surfermum · 02/07/2005 12:14

The independent social worker sounds appauling, but all the other reports seem to be very strongly in your favour. Have you told your solicitor what DD2 said? I would have thought that would discredit (is that the right word?) any report the independent social worker submits, if they were primed as to how to behave. Nothing independent about that is there?

I hope this nightmare ends soon for you Joash and you can concentrate on your move to Cornwall and your course.

ElliesMad · 02/07/2005 22:44

Aargh! No problem Joash. Your gs is very lucky to have parents like you. (yes parents). Your dd and her partner will showe their true colours and you will be able to concentrate on your new life. My brother got custody (10 years ago) of his ds and dd. DD was actually his ex-partner's child and not hi. YOu can imagine what a lot of people made of that. But in the end she showed her true colours and both children have been with him ever since. The truth will come out. You and your dh sound like lovely people. I hope (if we get the chance) we can be the same for my cousin's baby.

KatieinSpain · 04/07/2005 08:55

Joash - even thinking about your situtation right now unnerves me and that's why I posted. I think the way you are holding it together and allowing, what is tantamount to, very hostile people into your home is just so impressive.

I did have a thought - could the so-called "independent" social worker actually be working for GS's Dad? What I mean is, in legal cases both sides call on "experts" to put their side. I know very little about the legal system, but it might be worth asking around to see if this is the case, as it would explain his attitude and his presence at the solicitor's.

Are you able to start packing? Do you have a date for a hearing?

joash · 04/07/2005 17:54

Hi Katieinspain - In answer to your questions;
I'm about to start packing this week.
The supposed final hearing is set for 29th July (I say supposed because last years final hearing was set for March and we ended up running through to July).

I know what you mean about the possibility of the "independent" social worker working for GS's Dad? My argument is that both sides do call on "experts" to put their side. I can't see how anyone who is being paid by a client is going to go against them. However, I am constantly being told by every other 'expert' involved that he should be independent....to be very blunt, I still think that it is a load of bullsh*t!!

OP posts:
KatieinSpain · 04/07/2005 20:02

Ahh - he is a professional and therefore, should act as one - hmm, I think your reaction sums that likelihood up.

It seems unbelievable that they could have tabled a hearing so close to your moving date. Hopefully, that is a sign that is a foregone conclusion.

Good luck with the packing. We're moving at the end of July, too, so will think of you and boxes a lot .

joash · 04/07/2005 22:41

The judge that we had at the last hearing back in May - deliberatly picked the July date so that "We could get on with our move, as soon as possible in August" (His words). The problem is that he's not available for that date and we have another judge.

Another problem is that everyone seems to think that their solicitor will try for a contested hearing, he is wel know for them and for wasting everyones time. He's admitted to our solicitor that he's embarrassed to be back in court so soon after we were given the residency order. He's also told our solicitor that he hates her (How professional is that?????), and from what GS's social worker has said - she has been in many cases involving the same solicitor and she has actually seen him being told to shut up and sit down by judges, baristers, solicitors and others involved in cases. I'd like to know how he remains a solicitor if he's so bad.

I just need it to be over - I say that I'm starting to poack, but it is constantly at the back of my mind that they'll send GS to his parents!!

OP posts:
joash · 04/07/2005 22:41

poack??? .. pack

OP posts:
ElliesMad · 06/07/2005 15:24

HI

Had first visit with cousins baby this morning. It was so good to see her again. Took her a little while to settle, which I was expecting. Her and my dd played well and passed toys to each other and smiled and giggled. So hard letting her go at the end though. At least I got to take my dd home though. ANd she's happy because she got to go on four buses!!!!
Joash,
It's highly unlikey social services will remove your gs from a perfectly stable happy and loving home. From their point of view, they just have to be seen to be being thorough. Even if it's obvious he will stay with you, they have to investigate. It's the waiting and the uncertainty. Drives you mad, doesn't it.
All the best.

joash · 17/07/2005 20:02

Hi ElliesMad - sorry I've not responded before. We've been in Cornwall combining visiting DS's new school and GS's nursery with a few days away. All didn't quite go to plan - GS had broken his leg!!! Still waiting for the fallout from that one.

OP posts:
ElliesMad · 17/07/2005 23:06

HI Joash
Oh poor GS!! Hope he's ok?? I wouldn't worry, Social worker shut babies finger in a door the other day!!
Happens to us all.

joash · 19/07/2005 18:04

OMIGOD - I've seen the independant social workers report. It's not available through our solicitor yet, but our daughter actually brought her copy for us to look at. It is not just 'not in their favour' - it absolutely slates them, their attitude and lack of commitment towards GS and basically says that 'dad' is in need of some form of psychiatric assessment and/or care. I am well and truly stunned. From the appaling attitude of the independant, I really did expect him to be all for GS's parents.

We've just got to wait for the court date on 29th now!!!!

OP posts:
Freckle · 19/07/2005 18:57

That's fantastic news! You must be absolutely delighted (well as delighted as you can be about a report which is so scathing of your own dd (( ).

Looking forward to hearing good news after your court date.

joash · 19/07/2005 21:42

I know what you mean about DD. Anyway, thanks Freckle and your fingers crossed for us .

OP posts:
MrsGordonRamsay · 19/07/2005 21:56
Grin
MrsGordonRamsay · 19/07/2005 21:56

LGJ

joash · 19/07/2005 22:03

Appreciate the (but what does LGJ mean?

OP posts:
MrsGordonRamsay · 19/07/2005 22:05

Used to be

LGJ

before that

LapsedGymJunkie

before that

Santagoestothegym

and before that

GymJunkie

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