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HELP - SOMEONE...ANYONE

207 replies

joash · 10/04/2005 15:24

SORRY THIS IS A LONG ONE _ BUT I REALLY NEED HELP.

My grandsons father has applied for parental responsibility and a residency order in his favour. How likely is it that he'll get these?

For those of you that don't already know, on July 1st last year, a residency order was made in our favour for our grandson. He was placed in our care, for his own safety, by social services when he was 5 months old, we were told that he would be living with us until he's 18. GS's dad is a complete D*head. He put the baby in hospital at 5 months old - his face was covered in bruises and with a suspected chest fracture. I say 'suspected' because, as GS was very tiny (at five months old he was still in new born clothes - it turned out that his dad wouldn't allow him to be fed in the night - he believed that he was too old and should be sleeping through, so GS wasn't growing), there was some sort of anomaly on his x-rays, but he was too small to be sure what it was, the paediatrician says it was most likely a chest fracture. Anyway, I did think that it was all in the past now. At 2 years old (and four months) GS is extremely well and just about caught up on his height, etc. He's so amusing and such a pleasant child. Yet when his parents are here - he's miserable.

The residency order was made on 1st July 2004. The assessments of GS's parents parenting skills and abilities were conducted over a 14-month period, during which they were obstructive, aggressive, and demonstrated no commitment to GS?s needs and well being. All parties concerned with GS?s welfare (CAFCASS officer, a number of social workers involved in the case and information reached this conclusion from the NSPCC). The actual order clearly states that RMBC Social Services have no current plans to rehabilitate GS with his parents now or in the future. And a recent conversation with the supporting Social Worker showed that the Social Services are still taking this stance.

There has been no change in any of the circumstances that brought about the application for the residency order. Indeed GS?s parents circumstances have degenerated even further. To this day - his father remains aggressive when dealing with social workers, at least once to the point of the social worker requiring their security officers on ?standby? when he had gone into their offices.
We are still very concerned for our daughter. Physically, she often arrives at our house dirty and sometimes smells ? to the point of having to change into her fathers clothes, or spraying herself with fabric freshener whilst she is here. They cannot afford to feed themselves adequately and she often eats with us or leaves our house with parcels of food. She remains is often quiet and subdued, particularly when he is around. When she comes to see GS alone ? his dad constantly telephones her until she leaves. This is not the strong-willed, fun loving, lively young woman that we knew prior to her beginning her relationship with him.

DD claims that this application has been made without their knowledge, and that dickheads solicitor has gone ahead with the application without consulting either of them. However, we believe that this application is a deliberate ploy to try and prevent us from moving on with our lives. We have never made any secret of the fact that we are moving to Cornwall. In fact, before GS was born, his parents were included in that plan. Dickhead knows that our house has now been placed on the market and that my DH has received confirmation that his job will finish in July this year. I have also been accepted onto Social Work training, in Cornwall, to start at the beginning of September. We plan on moving as soon as possible, in order to settle GS and DS with regards to schools, nursery, and a new home, etc. DD has informed me that dickhead has been told that if they can get the supervision order extended, the social services will pay for them to get to Cornwall, under their pretext of visiting GS. Dickhead repeatedly complains to the social worker and, his behaviour and attitude towards them remains aggressive.

As for the contacts - dickhead has turned up for 24 contacts out of a potential 51, with many of those having to be chased up by us, and has arrived at the agreed time only 12 occasions. He is supposed to spend at least 6 hours with GS on each contact (arriving by 11 and staying with GS until teatime ? a potential total of 300 hours). In reality, he has spent a grand total of 31 hours 25 minutes with him.

We are in court this Tuesday morning and I really need to know - What are the chances of the judge
throwing this out?

Are we going to have to start everything all over again?

OP posts:
jayzmummy · 12/04/2005 15:36

joash....just seen this ....so sorry that you have had this upset. How did it go today...well i hope.Please post here with an update.

I am an adoptive mother and was wondering what the long term plan is for your GS....have you considered adopting him yourself? I know of many cases where this has happened.

JanH · 12/04/2005 15:37

I've only just seen this too, joash, hope the judge did throw it out. XXX

joash · 12/04/2005 15:40

Hi everyone.

Only got back a little while ago.

How did it go? well, reasonably well. But we still have to go through the whole procedure again.

Firstly, on the plus side, Dickhead was trying for a 'Prohibited Steps' order which would have prevented us moving to Cornwall with GS - to which the judge simply shrugged his shoulders and said "Why on earth would I want to make one of those, if it hadn't been for his grandparents, the baby would have been in care or even adopted".

Secondly, the Social Services have made it quite clear that they have no intention of suporting dickhead in this application.

Thirdly - (and very amusingly) - dickhead got into a slanging match with his solicitor in the middle of the public waiting area and she 'sacked' him as her client. Obviously she then had to seek permission from the judge to be removed from the case, but she was granted that permission. So dickhead has lost his third solicitor in two years, and was attempting to represent himself. However, the judge has told him that he has to get a solicitor.

Fourthly - the judge has ordered that all files and information from the original case should be part of this application.

We now just have to hope that we get a CAFCASS officer who can see through him, and agrees with what everyone else has said.

We're back in court on the 29th for timetabling, when we find out when things have to be done by.

Thanks for the moral support everyone - Still need all that luck though.

OP posts:
JanH · 12/04/2005 15:46

He will probably argue with CAFCASS too, won't he?

So far so good then but what a pain to have to hang around and go through it all again.

(Does he get Legal Aid for all these solicitors?)

Freckle · 12/04/2005 15:48

What a farce. The legal system really does need a bl**dy good shake up when spurious applications like these are given the light of day. Clearly, unless there has been a specific change in circumstances which radically alters the position of the applying party, such applications should not even be allowed to be submitted within a certain period of time following the original order.

So sorry you have to go through this again, joash, but I'm sure you will prevail again - and thank goodness your little gs has you to fight for him.

Surfermum · 12/04/2005 15:52

That's just what I was thinking Jan - what a waste of the Court's time and taxpayers money, not to mention you, Joash having to go through all this again .

Sounds like he didn't do himself any favours today. Hopefully you'll get the same judge again and fingers crossed for a decent CAFCASS officer.

bubbly1973 · 12/04/2005 20:13

joash, its looking good for you, dickhead is doing just that, being a complete dickhead, and his true colours are seeping through for all to see!! which is great for your case

be strong!! and keep it together, you will get through this, and i am sure the outcome will be good if today is anything to go by...he sounds like such a twat!

i bet he is just doing this cos his life is so pathetic and sad and its something to amuse him for a while which isnt fair on you or the system, but then he knows that i bet!

good luck for the 29th...will have my fingers crossed for you
thanks for the update

pixiefish · 12/04/2005 21:24

glad it sort of went well but sorry you've still got to go to court again

joash · 12/04/2005 22:32

Now to try and reply to everyone.

pixiefish - thanks for the thoughts.

bubbly1973 - yep he definatelt is a twat!

Surfermum - we're hoping for the same judge again and a decent CAFCASS officer - the last one on the case saw right through him, I hope the next one does.

Freckle - there has been no change in circumstances at all - unless you count their financial position, which has worsened. He doesn't turn up for many of the contacts, and he's not interestes in GS when he does come. trouble is its our word against his and he lies through his teeth everytime.

JanH - he will definately argue with CAFCASS he did last time, and yes... he does get Legal Aid for all these solicitors.

OP posts:
BadgerBadger · 12/04/2005 23:43

joash, happy for you that today went reasonably well. I have to admit I had a smirk on your behalf at the judge's comment re the 'prohibited steps' order. Quite!

Wishing you loads of good luck for the 29th, I hope it goes well and that 'dickhead' stops wasting everyone's time and causing unecessary worry, following that.

joash · 12/04/2005 23:44

Thanks Badgerbadger - love the name BTW

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sallyenglebertstrawberry · 13/04/2005 00:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

joash · 13/04/2005 00:25

Thanks sally - off 2 bed in a little while. Slept for four hours earlier - getting ready for more now.

OP posts:
sallyenglebertstrawberry · 13/04/2005 00:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

joash · 13/04/2005 00:29

nite sally (& everyone else of course)
XX

OP posts:
BadgerBadger · 13/04/2005 00:35

Night night joash

tribpot · 13/04/2005 08:40

Joash - sorry the news wasn't better but I guess it could have been a whole lot worse! Best of luck for jumping through your latest set of hoops - I'd echo jayzmummy, have you thought about adopting your gs? You - and your grandson - deserve to have some stability and the security of knowing this awful man can't keep coming at you through the courts.

Best of luck to you all, and I assume your planned move to Cornwall can go ahead on schedule?

saadia · 13/04/2005 09:24

Joash, good luck with everything - I do admire you. And, as others have said, gs is very lucky to have you. It is heartbreaking to think of all the vulnerable children in the world who have no-one looking out for them. I do hope that somehow you, your gs, and your dd can be free of dickhead.

piffle · 13/04/2005 09:57

Joash
I believe it is not even remotely possible for them to get any kind of unsupervised access or visitation rights. It sounds like the judge and everyone surrounding the case is aware of the details.
I really feel for you you must be so worried about your daughter as well and hopefully one day dickhead will bugger off and you can repair your relationship with your daughter and perhaps with your support and help (do not know full story so not sure if this is appropriate but here's hoping) you can form some kind of family unit together

snafu · 13/04/2005 10:48

I'm really pleased to see that SS and the courts seem to be on your side, even if it means you do have to jump through some more hoops. Gs is lucky to have you. Loads and loads of luck.

irishbird · 14/04/2005 08:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

joash · 14/04/2005 19:27

Hi irishbird - I'm pretty sure that it will be a different CAFCASS officer, and thanks for the advice. I've already asked about that order - but we have to wait until hes taken it back to court at least four times before we'll be granted one. SHITTY OR WHAT!!!!

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irishbird · 21/04/2005 22:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BadgerBadger · 28/04/2005 01:44

Hope tomorrow goes well. Be thinking of you!

joash · 29/04/2005 09:12

Oh Badger - I was just coming on here to let everyone know that we're back in court today and may be in need of major whihge later and you've remembered. THANK YOU!!!

Sounds corny - but definately warms the heart to think that someone remembers andcares enough to post. We're off at 9.30 - so I will be back later to update. Thanks again for the support

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