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HELP - SOMEONE...ANYONE

207 replies

joash · 10/04/2005 15:24

SORRY THIS IS A LONG ONE _ BUT I REALLY NEED HELP.

My grandsons father has applied for parental responsibility and a residency order in his favour. How likely is it that he'll get these?

For those of you that don't already know, on July 1st last year, a residency order was made in our favour for our grandson. He was placed in our care, for his own safety, by social services when he was 5 months old, we were told that he would be living with us until he's 18. GS's dad is a complete D*head. He put the baby in hospital at 5 months old - his face was covered in bruises and with a suspected chest fracture. I say 'suspected' because, as GS was very tiny (at five months old he was still in new born clothes - it turned out that his dad wouldn't allow him to be fed in the night - he believed that he was too old and should be sleeping through, so GS wasn't growing), there was some sort of anomaly on his x-rays, but he was too small to be sure what it was, the paediatrician says it was most likely a chest fracture. Anyway, I did think that it was all in the past now. At 2 years old (and four months) GS is extremely well and just about caught up on his height, etc. He's so amusing and such a pleasant child. Yet when his parents are here - he's miserable.

The residency order was made on 1st July 2004. The assessments of GS's parents parenting skills and abilities were conducted over a 14-month period, during which they were obstructive, aggressive, and demonstrated no commitment to GS?s needs and well being. All parties concerned with GS?s welfare (CAFCASS officer, a number of social workers involved in the case and information reached this conclusion from the NSPCC). The actual order clearly states that RMBC Social Services have no current plans to rehabilitate GS with his parents now or in the future. And a recent conversation with the supporting Social Worker showed that the Social Services are still taking this stance.

There has been no change in any of the circumstances that brought about the application for the residency order. Indeed GS?s parents circumstances have degenerated even further. To this day - his father remains aggressive when dealing with social workers, at least once to the point of the social worker requiring their security officers on ?standby? when he had gone into their offices.
We are still very concerned for our daughter. Physically, she often arrives at our house dirty and sometimes smells ? to the point of having to change into her fathers clothes, or spraying herself with fabric freshener whilst she is here. They cannot afford to feed themselves adequately and she often eats with us or leaves our house with parcels of food. She remains is often quiet and subdued, particularly when he is around. When she comes to see GS alone ? his dad constantly telephones her until she leaves. This is not the strong-willed, fun loving, lively young woman that we knew prior to her beginning her relationship with him.

DD claims that this application has been made without their knowledge, and that dickheads solicitor has gone ahead with the application without consulting either of them. However, we believe that this application is a deliberate ploy to try and prevent us from moving on with our lives. We have never made any secret of the fact that we are moving to Cornwall. In fact, before GS was born, his parents were included in that plan. Dickhead knows that our house has now been placed on the market and that my DH has received confirmation that his job will finish in July this year. I have also been accepted onto Social Work training, in Cornwall, to start at the beginning of September. We plan on moving as soon as possible, in order to settle GS and DS with regards to schools, nursery, and a new home, etc. DD has informed me that dickhead has been told that if they can get the supervision order extended, the social services will pay for them to get to Cornwall, under their pretext of visiting GS. Dickhead repeatedly complains to the social worker and, his behaviour and attitude towards them remains aggressive.

As for the contacts - dickhead has turned up for 24 contacts out of a potential 51, with many of those having to be chased up by us, and has arrived at the agreed time only 12 occasions. He is supposed to spend at least 6 hours with GS on each contact (arriving by 11 and staying with GS until teatime ? a potential total of 300 hours). In reality, he has spent a grand total of 31 hours 25 minutes with him.

We are in court this Tuesday morning and I really need to know - What are the chances of the judge
throwing this out?

Are we going to have to start everything all over again?

OP posts:
joash · 19/07/2005 22:11

Sorry - not with it at all lately. Can't wait to get my life back. Thanks for the support

OP posts:
ElliesMad · 19/07/2005 22:13

HI Joash
They probably had that attitude to try and get more out of you, in a bad way. unfortuntely they have to do that to get to the truth. You have proved your worth and they have not. I cannot see anything but the right decision being made.

We have visit with baby tomorrow. No further forward, psychological evaluations supposed to be in by next Tuesday, otherwise another delay!
Court in two weeks.Just after yours.
Fingers crossed, eh!

joash · 19/07/2005 22:14

Good luck Elliesmad - I will be thinking about you .

OP posts:
ElliesMad · 19/07/2005 22:16

Right back atcha!!!

Freckle · 19/07/2005 23:00

Sorry, joash, didn't preview my last message and there wasn't meant to be a grin in there. It was meant to be a .

joash · 19/07/2005 23:01

Not to worry - I knew exactly what you meant.

OP posts:
sallystrawberry · 19/07/2005 23:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

joash · 19/07/2005 23:05

have made myself a pact. If everything goes alright on the 29th, I'm giving up the sweeties.....

OP posts:
sallystrawberry · 19/07/2005 23:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

joash · 19/07/2005 23:22

me too with the sweeties (especially the bears and now the snakes) ... got to give em up though.

OP posts:
sallystrawberry · 19/07/2005 23:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

joash · 25/07/2005 10:26

And it gets worse...at least for GS's parents. We received our copy of the CAFFCASS guardians report and it's even worse than the independants.

I do feel sorry for DD2, because I know that at some point, she is going to realise what she has done and regret her decisions and actions. By that tinme, she will have lost her sone. If all 'professionals' have decided at this point that removing GS from us would be damaging to him, I can't see them reaching any different decisions in the future.

OP posts:
Marina · 25/07/2005 10:37

I have absolutely no experience of this kind of process/situation Joash but I am so glad to hear that all the professionals involved with your GS' future have seen that he will be happy and safe with you and dh . Thank goodness he has you both in his young life.
It must be a double-edged sword having your suspicions about the father confirmed from more than one source though - I hope that your dd2 can somehow break free from this dangerous-sounding man

Freckle · 25/07/2005 10:51

I'm glad that all the reports appear to be in your favour. Would you be prepared, at some point in the future, to let dd2 back into her son's life on a more regular basis - provided she had no more contact with his dad?

ElliesMad · 25/07/2005 15:49

That is good Joash. Is it still court on Friday??
If so all the best, although I can't see a problem with GS staying with you now. As for dd2, I'm afraid you can't really worry about her too much now. I now that's sad but GS is more important.
Hugs for Friday.

joash · 25/07/2005 19:17

I have no problem at all about letting DD into GS's life. Ideally, I've wanted her to move in with us and begin the process of him getting to know her as his 'primary-carer', so that at some point in the future they could be a normal mum and son. Trouble is, it's going to be too late very soon, as far as he is concerned, she's just a visitor called 'mum' - he doesn't realise what that word means and as he gets older I can't see him being very happy (nor would I be) about the idea of going to live with someone who is little more than a visitor.

OP posts:
joash · 25/07/2005 19:17

oh sorry - Yes it's still court on Friday.

OP posts:
Ags · 25/07/2005 21:40

Have only just come upon your story and having just read the entire thread am totally on edge. How must you be feeling?

It all sounds incredibly positive and in your favour and I hope and pray and cross every digit on every limb that the result will be the sane one, ie. GS stays with his lovely grandparents and your move is unimpeded.

I will be thinking of you and wishing the best for you all.

joash · 26/07/2005 22:33

Thank You Ags - I will let MN know what happens on Friday - I won't be settled (and still worry) until its over and done with.

OP posts:
SaintGeorge · 26/07/2005 22:43

Oh please do post friday joash - I go away on Saturday for a week and want to know it is all settled and legal before I trot off.

It's about time something went in your favour.

Re your other thread - couldn't believe my eyes when I saw it was you! You are one of the most unselfish people I can think of. Glad to hear DD1 is on the mend.

Best wishes StG

joash · 26/07/2005 22:47

Thanks Stg. Off to bed now. Night all X

OP posts:
BadgerBadger · 28/07/2005 09:53

I'll be thinking loads of positive thoughts for you tomorrow Joash xx

ElliesMad · 28/07/2005 12:19

HI Joash
Thinking of you, dh and gs for tomorrow.
All the best

Let us know.

KatieinSpain · 28/07/2005 15:10

Hi Joash!

I hope it all goes smoothly tomorrow and that your packing is almost done. Have you sorted a house? Good luck with the court appearance and then, the move.

We are half way through moving, so it's back to cleaning for me - cookers are the pits - ugh.

Freckle · 28/07/2005 15:13

All the best for tomorrow, Joash. Do keep us posted. We're off on holiday on Saturday (pretty early) so I'll be checking in tomorrow pm for good news .