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HELP - SOMEONE...ANYONE

207 replies

joash · 10/04/2005 15:24

SORRY THIS IS A LONG ONE _ BUT I REALLY NEED HELP.

My grandsons father has applied for parental responsibility and a residency order in his favour. How likely is it that he'll get these?

For those of you that don't already know, on July 1st last year, a residency order was made in our favour for our grandson. He was placed in our care, for his own safety, by social services when he was 5 months old, we were told that he would be living with us until he's 18. GS's dad is a complete D*head. He put the baby in hospital at 5 months old - his face was covered in bruises and with a suspected chest fracture. I say 'suspected' because, as GS was very tiny (at five months old he was still in new born clothes - it turned out that his dad wouldn't allow him to be fed in the night - he believed that he was too old and should be sleeping through, so GS wasn't growing), there was some sort of anomaly on his x-rays, but he was too small to be sure what it was, the paediatrician says it was most likely a chest fracture. Anyway, I did think that it was all in the past now. At 2 years old (and four months) GS is extremely well and just about caught up on his height, etc. He's so amusing and such a pleasant child. Yet when his parents are here - he's miserable.

The residency order was made on 1st July 2004. The assessments of GS's parents parenting skills and abilities were conducted over a 14-month period, during which they were obstructive, aggressive, and demonstrated no commitment to GS?s needs and well being. All parties concerned with GS?s welfare (CAFCASS officer, a number of social workers involved in the case and information reached this conclusion from the NSPCC). The actual order clearly states that RMBC Social Services have no current plans to rehabilitate GS with his parents now or in the future. And a recent conversation with the supporting Social Worker showed that the Social Services are still taking this stance.

There has been no change in any of the circumstances that brought about the application for the residency order. Indeed GS?s parents circumstances have degenerated even further. To this day - his father remains aggressive when dealing with social workers, at least once to the point of the social worker requiring their security officers on ?standby? when he had gone into their offices.
We are still very concerned for our daughter. Physically, she often arrives at our house dirty and sometimes smells ? to the point of having to change into her fathers clothes, or spraying herself with fabric freshener whilst she is here. They cannot afford to feed themselves adequately and she often eats with us or leaves our house with parcels of food. She remains is often quiet and subdued, particularly when he is around. When she comes to see GS alone ? his dad constantly telephones her until she leaves. This is not the strong-willed, fun loving, lively young woman that we knew prior to her beginning her relationship with him.

DD claims that this application has been made without their knowledge, and that dickheads solicitor has gone ahead with the application without consulting either of them. However, we believe that this application is a deliberate ploy to try and prevent us from moving on with our lives. We have never made any secret of the fact that we are moving to Cornwall. In fact, before GS was born, his parents were included in that plan. Dickhead knows that our house has now been placed on the market and that my DH has received confirmation that his job will finish in July this year. I have also been accepted onto Social Work training, in Cornwall, to start at the beginning of September. We plan on moving as soon as possible, in order to settle GS and DS with regards to schools, nursery, and a new home, etc. DD has informed me that dickhead has been told that if they can get the supervision order extended, the social services will pay for them to get to Cornwall, under their pretext of visiting GS. Dickhead repeatedly complains to the social worker and, his behaviour and attitude towards them remains aggressive.

As for the contacts - dickhead has turned up for 24 contacts out of a potential 51, with many of those having to be chased up by us, and has arrived at the agreed time only 12 occasions. He is supposed to spend at least 6 hours with GS on each contact (arriving by 11 and staying with GS until teatime ? a potential total of 300 hours). In reality, he has spent a grand total of 31 hours 25 minutes with him.

We are in court this Tuesday morning and I really need to know - What are the chances of the judge
throwing this out?

Are we going to have to start everything all over again?

OP posts:
joash · 29/07/2005 09:06

Thanks everyone. We're off to the court in around 10 minutes. Still feeling very nervous ans even though I'm pretty sure of the result, that nervousness won't go away until today is over. Keep your fingers crossed that they don't, somehow, get the judge to extend the case.

Thanks again - chat later. X

OP posts:
irishbird · 29/07/2005 10:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tiredemma · 29/07/2005 15:41

good luck xx

joash · 30/07/2005 16:54

Hi everyone. This is the first opportunity I've had to let you know what happened. I was very ill last night, it started during the first adjournment yesterday (probably some sort of stress release), cause I feel fine now.

Anyway, it was a very long, very tedious day (rather like this post I hear many of you say ), yet interspersed with some amusement. Things were adjourned twice throughout the day. We started at 10 and didn?t finish until 5.30 ? talk about knackered.

Dickhead had managed to get another solicitor, who had, in turn, had booked him a barrister. He had an initial meeting with his barrister which lasted a total of 8 minutes - before the barrister 'sacked' Dickhead as his client!!!! - so another one bit the dust (I think that's at least four that has refused to represent him). Consequently, he represented himself (I wish you could have been there to see that one ). He called everybody to the witness stand (me, DH, various social workers, CAFCASS Guardian, etc, etc and attempted to conduct a cross examination of each person. His problem was that he thought that he was fabulous and was going to wipe the floor with everyone that he cross-examined. Everytime he asked a question that he thought he?d designed to make himself look good ? he ended up looking a total plonker, and dug himself into a deeper and deeper hole. No one gave him the answers that he was looking for and he opened up loads of opportunities for everyone to throw something in that was damaging to his case. He was really nasty to the guardian, I felt so sorry for her ? but she was brilliant and as for GS?s social worker, she was the one wiping the floor ? with dickhead.

In addition, on their arrival at court, they had decided that they were going to say that they intended to separate so that GS could go back to DD. The judge asked everyone on the witness stand, how he or she felt this ?separation? might ?pan-out? and everyone said that it would never happen. And that it was something that they had mentioned previously to a social worker ? but had then been stupid enough to also admit that they would then have a quick ?reconciliation? once GS was with them!!!!

The judge was fantastic ? his summing up took him almost 40 minutes, during which time he absolutely slated GS?s parents, called them liars, childish, aggressive, violent, intimidating, a threat to GS?s mental and physical health, untrustworthy, uncommitted, incapable of taking care of a child, as well as recommending dickhead for long-term therapy, etc, etc. He also commented on the fact that neither Dickhead, nor DD?s solicitor had asked for their ?independent? to act as a witness and that having read the report, he wasn?t surprised that they had attempted to skip over that one . At the same time, he heaped loads of praise on me and DH ? embarrassing or what?

His conclusions ? GS moves to Cornwall with me DH and DS. The supervision order is lifted (no social workers anymore ) and DD and dickhead go away and do some growing up.

DD did turn up today and say that she and dickhead are goind to do some parenting classes, etc and then try to get him back. What she doesn't know, is that the judge has told us that if they attepmt to take it back to court we simply apply for the section 91(14) order and that will stop them. In addition, the case would have to be in Cornwall and no-one would pay for them to travel down and they'd need a solicitor in Cornwall.

OP posts:
MrsGordonRamsay · 30/07/2005 17:04

WOW

At long bloody last sense and more sense prevails [jumping up and down emoticon]

yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaaawwwww

LGJ

MrsGordonRamsay · 30/07/2005 17:06

DD did turn up today and say that she and dickhead are goind to do some parenting classes, etc and then try to get him back.

She just doesn't get it does she ???

Surfermum · 30/07/2005 17:06

Really, really pleased for you Joash. Now you can concentrate on enjoying your new life in Cornwall and your course.

joash · 30/07/2005 17:10

Although I do feel somewhat torn because of DD - I am so relieved that GS is staying with us and will be safe. I blubbed like an idiot once the judge had finished (no sound just lots of tears and snotty nose - not a pretty picture I can tell you . The court clerk actually came up to us at the end and said that she just wanted to say congratulations and good luck in Cornwall..that really meant a lot, as I'm sure that they don't do that very often. Gone all blubby now thinking about it and GS has come to give me a hug

OP posts:
snafu · 30/07/2005 17:10

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, joash, I am so, so, so, so, so, so, soooooo pleased for you, and your dh, and your gs! What a well-deserved result!

I seemed to keep missing this thread but I have been thinking of you and wondering how you are all getting on with it. It must now feel like a long nightmare is over. What fabulous news! Very very happy and relieved for you.

tiredemma · 30/07/2005 17:14

god, i cried reading that im so happy for you, at last you can move on and have a wonderful life in cornwall. x

joash · 30/07/2005 17:19

Just took a piccy of GS and trying to remember how to put it on here. Can anyone help?

OP posts:
MrsGordonRamsay · 30/07/2005 17:24

Sorry no idea, I did manage it once, but it took all afternoon.

joash · 30/07/2005 17:36

Did it - herethis

OP posts:
Spoo · 30/07/2005 18:07

Just read the whole thread Joash. I think you are a brave and admirable person. Good luck in Cornwall - looks like your GS will fit right in - my DH is from Cornwall and is equally as mad. What a gorgeous happy boy! Enjoy and relax!

ElliesMad · 30/07/2005 18:08

HI Joash
DOn't know what to say except me and dd have been punching the air and saying yes rather loudly. I've got wet eyes! GS is gorgeous and can now look forward to a certainty in his future that includes stability and love.
WELL DONE AND CONGRATULATIONS

All the best for Cornwall

joash · 30/07/2005 21:04

thanks elliesmad and everyone else

OP posts:
BadgerBadger · 30/07/2005 23:13

Hi Joash, I'm so happy for you all!
It's fantastic news .

irishbird · 31/07/2005 18:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sparklymieow · 31/07/2005 18:36

Just seen this, fab. news!!!!!!!

joash · 01/08/2005 09:51

Thanks everyone, for your support and for putting up with my (often protracted) whinging.

OP posts:
munz · 01/08/2005 10:08

good result for u J, hope GS continues to stop with u and remains a happy settled little boy.

joash · 01/08/2005 10:27
Smile
OP posts:
joash · 06/08/2005 16:09

Hi everyone - I just wanted to add this and then perhaps this thread can disappear into the bowels of Mumsnet .

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for their support and to add that I've recently had a conversation with GS's (ex) social worker, she was just checking if we had heard anything from GS's parents as they have been making all sorts of threats to the social services. She actually said that it is over, they are never going to get GS back - the courts, social services and CAFCASS consider it would be too damaging to him now to be taken away from us and that opinion will only be reinforced further as time passes. It is the first time that any 'professional' has actually said those words and it felt good ( I just hope they mean it). Thanks again everybody.

OP posts:
NannyL · 06/08/2005 16:11

Just read thsi post and WOW.... all i can say is THANK GOD you gto the result you needed (and deserved) for the sake of your grand child!

you sound like the most fantastic (grand)parents and i wish you all a very happy fresh start!

its nice to know that at least (sometimes) courts do get the answer right!

SaintGeorge · 06/08/2005 16:38

Brilliant news joash

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