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HELP - SOMEONE...ANYONE

207 replies

joash · 10/04/2005 15:24

SORRY THIS IS A LONG ONE _ BUT I REALLY NEED HELP.

My grandsons father has applied for parental responsibility and a residency order in his favour. How likely is it that he'll get these?

For those of you that don't already know, on July 1st last year, a residency order was made in our favour for our grandson. He was placed in our care, for his own safety, by social services when he was 5 months old, we were told that he would be living with us until he's 18. GS's dad is a complete D*head. He put the baby in hospital at 5 months old - his face was covered in bruises and with a suspected chest fracture. I say 'suspected' because, as GS was very tiny (at five months old he was still in new born clothes - it turned out that his dad wouldn't allow him to be fed in the night - he believed that he was too old and should be sleeping through, so GS wasn't growing), there was some sort of anomaly on his x-rays, but he was too small to be sure what it was, the paediatrician says it was most likely a chest fracture. Anyway, I did think that it was all in the past now. At 2 years old (and four months) GS is extremely well and just about caught up on his height, etc. He's so amusing and such a pleasant child. Yet when his parents are here - he's miserable.

The residency order was made on 1st July 2004. The assessments of GS's parents parenting skills and abilities were conducted over a 14-month period, during which they were obstructive, aggressive, and demonstrated no commitment to GS?s needs and well being. All parties concerned with GS?s welfare (CAFCASS officer, a number of social workers involved in the case and information reached this conclusion from the NSPCC). The actual order clearly states that RMBC Social Services have no current plans to rehabilitate GS with his parents now or in the future. And a recent conversation with the supporting Social Worker showed that the Social Services are still taking this stance.

There has been no change in any of the circumstances that brought about the application for the residency order. Indeed GS?s parents circumstances have degenerated even further. To this day - his father remains aggressive when dealing with social workers, at least once to the point of the social worker requiring their security officers on ?standby? when he had gone into their offices.
We are still very concerned for our daughter. Physically, she often arrives at our house dirty and sometimes smells ? to the point of having to change into her fathers clothes, or spraying herself with fabric freshener whilst she is here. They cannot afford to feed themselves adequately and she often eats with us or leaves our house with parcels of food. She remains is often quiet and subdued, particularly when he is around. When she comes to see GS alone ? his dad constantly telephones her until she leaves. This is not the strong-willed, fun loving, lively young woman that we knew prior to her beginning her relationship with him.

DD claims that this application has been made without their knowledge, and that dickheads solicitor has gone ahead with the application without consulting either of them. However, we believe that this application is a deliberate ploy to try and prevent us from moving on with our lives. We have never made any secret of the fact that we are moving to Cornwall. In fact, before GS was born, his parents were included in that plan. Dickhead knows that our house has now been placed on the market and that my DH has received confirmation that his job will finish in July this year. I have also been accepted onto Social Work training, in Cornwall, to start at the beginning of September. We plan on moving as soon as possible, in order to settle GS and DS with regards to schools, nursery, and a new home, etc. DD has informed me that dickhead has been told that if they can get the supervision order extended, the social services will pay for them to get to Cornwall, under their pretext of visiting GS. Dickhead repeatedly complains to the social worker and, his behaviour and attitude towards them remains aggressive.

As for the contacts - dickhead has turned up for 24 contacts out of a potential 51, with many of those having to be chased up by us, and has arrived at the agreed time only 12 occasions. He is supposed to spend at least 6 hours with GS on each contact (arriving by 11 and staying with GS until teatime ? a potential total of 300 hours). In reality, he has spent a grand total of 31 hours 25 minutes with him.

We are in court this Tuesday morning and I really need to know - What are the chances of the judge
throwing this out?

Are we going to have to start everything all over again?

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Freckle · 27/05/2005 16:11

Well,that's pretty fantastic - the Guardian's report, not the fact that you have to go back. I know the court's bend over backwards to keep children with their natural parents, but this particular case does rather seem to be taking that to unacceptable extremes.

Hope you can relax between now and the new court date. Well done for getting through it all.

Freckle · 27/05/2005 16:12

Sorry, that should be "courts" not "court's". Pedant .

joash · 27/05/2005 18:46

Thanks Freckle . Here's hoping I feel this positive nearer the final date.

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BadgerBadger · 28/05/2005 00:15

I was really happy to read about the report Joash . I'd suspect you're right re the intention of provoking a negative reaction in you (I witnessed what appeared to be this tactic with my niece's case).

I assume that this further independent assessment is to appease dickhead as much as anything else, to make any decision to keep GS with you as watertight as possible IYKWIM. I suppose then if anything is ever revisited, it is there for all to see that he was given many assessments and even 'failed' the one which he requested.

I would imagine that even if he passed this assessment with flying colours (talking of flying, a pig just came in through the kitchen window ) that all previous assessments would have to be taken into consideration. I mean, if he bluffed it and came out smelling of roses (oink, ........ sorry, that was another one!) the fact that he has shown no improvement over the prior years would surely outweigh that?

Also pleased to read that someone has at last shown some respect for you in that the judge has appointed a date to fit in with your move, rather than expecting you to put everything on hold and bend over backwards, yet again.

I do know how it can overshadow every single waking moment, but I really hope you can enjoy a reprieve of sorts between now and the next court date.

tatt · 28/05/2005 09:21

glad things turned out better than you expected. It seems really silly that you have to go through yet another hoop. Still no-one who has any experience of this man thinks he is safe with his child so why should that change now? He obviously hasn't been able to control himself at all.

joash · 28/05/2005 12:18

Hi BadgerBadger and tatt, thanks for your comments. LOL at the 'piggy' imagery.

I know that I'm going to become increasingly anxious nearer the date. However, I can't see a social worker (even an independant one) disagreeing with all the previous social workers and CAFCASS reports, and if they plump for the psychologist - I can't see any decent psychologist viewing GS's dad as 'normal'. So I'm currently quietly confident...but I can also feel the doubts beginning to creep in again. Trying to remain calm and positive, so lets see how I go on tomorrow when they have their contact visit.

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GRMUM · 29/05/2005 08:31

Joash don't know if this is of any interest to you and your situation?

joash · 29/05/2005 13:49

Thanks GRMUM. We did join the Family Rights Group mentioned in the article, sometime ago and have contributed our story to the many that are to be presented to MP's etc in an attempt to try and change the laws around grandparent carers.

Had dickhead and DD here today. Dickhead sat sulking for the first 15 minutes - then began to speak occasionally. he actually spent a total of 10 minutes playing with GS (in short bursts). Stayed for 1 hour and 25 minutes - so 10 minutes pay is pretty good for him.

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Freckle · 29/05/2005 14:14

Have you ever thought of videoing his visits? Just to show the courts what actually happens when he is there.

joash · 29/05/2005 14:30

I have thought about taping the way he is with GS - but it's illegal to do it without his consent and it can't be used in court because of that.

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Freckle · 29/05/2005 14:34

Have social workers never witnessed supervised contact? Is he bright enough to change his behaviour if he thinks others are watching?

joash · 29/05/2005 14:39

Yes - social workers watched his contacts for over a year from the beginning of everything. He's also been watched by two different CAFCASS guardians and no, he doesn't change his behaviour, he doesn't feel that he has a problem. Last weeks contact was watched by the latest CAFCASS guardian and he just sat either sulking because GS wanted to play alone or with other people (rather than just giving his dad sole attention as dickhead thinks he ought to) - or giving GS dirty looks if he threw a tantrum. He also repeatedly called GS (and I quote) "A dirty little git", very loudly on a number of occasions because GS had wind. The guardian just kept looking at me and raising her eyes up.

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Freckle · 29/05/2005 15:02

This must make it so much more frustrating for you. When everyone can see what an rse he is, but you still have to be dragged through never-ending processes just to ensure that all his* rights have been explored.

joash · 29/05/2005 15:07

Oh yes - very frustrating. I do feel that it's about time someone just said "enough is enough" and finished this.

I was quite honest with the Guardian and sadi that I'd love to take a baseball bat to him because of what he did to GS - but as GS's dad, he is GS's family and whether I like it or not, because GS is my family - that makes his dad part of our family as well. She just smiled and nodded.

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Surfermum · 31/05/2005 14:25

Hi Joash. I've just been catching up with all this. I just wonder if the judge is being extra careful to cover everything, hence the independent SW, to make sure he doesn't leave any loopholes so that d*ckhead can appeal after the final hearing.

I don't know if this will help, but when dh went to Court to get to see his dd, his x's solicitor, at the final hearing, requested an order (can't remember what it's called) to prevent dh going to Court about his daughter for at least a year "without due cause". The judge awarded it, but only I think because the x had a barrister fully funded on legal aid and as we couldn't afford one dh represented himself. Dh actually said he didn't mind as once he had a contact order and was seeing his daughter that was all he wanted and there was no need to return to Court anyway. I think her solicitor they were trying to paint a picture of him being a perpetual complainant and just harrassing the "poor" woman, which wasn't the case at all, he just wanted to see his daughter.

Anyway, totally different scenario to yours, but just thought I'd mention it. Keep your chin up and I hope it's all sorted soon.

Hugs.

joash · 31/05/2005 21:39

Hi Surfermum - thanks for the comments, I think that the order you're talking about is called a section 91(14). DH and I have already decided that we're going to tell our solicitor to go for it - even though she feels it will be refused until he has taken us back to court three or four times.

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joash · 05/06/2005 11:55

Just had GS's parents here for their contact (managed a whole hour and 10 minutes with him today). Apparently they've gone for the independant social worker and it's a man. I know that they're just trying to annoy me and I don't let them see that I'm bothered, but they went on to say that this guy is apparently for fathers!!!!

As they are paying for him (or rather their public funding is paying for him) - isn't he mmore likely to agree with what they are asking?

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irishbird · 05/06/2005 15:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

joash · 13/06/2005 22:39

MAJOR UPDATE ... I THINK...NEED TO LET OFF SOME STEAM!!!!

Someone (possibly freckle - if anyone else, sorry to have not mentioned you) suggested that we make a representation against dickheads public funding - we did and as far as we knew, the 'investigation' was ongoing. Received a letter this morning from the Legal Services Commission to say that they have pulled his funding and this decision has nothing to do with our representation!?!?!?!

SO WHO THE HELL HAS MADE THIS DECISION????

At the same time - we received a letter from our solicitor asking us to make an appointment urgently to discuss the case!!!! I was on a high all day - but now I'm not sure what will happen. Been trying to get hold of our solicitor - she's tied up with clients - but it is driving me nuts. I need to know whats happening.

Will we still be in court on the 29th July?

Will things stop here?

Will GS's mums solicitor manage to continue the case even though dickhead made the application?

Will we still have to wait for the independant social worker to do his 'stuff'?

I HATE NOT KNOWING ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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SaintGeorge · 13/06/2005 22:45

Well surely if his funding has been pulled that has to be a good thing? Fingers crossed that's how it works out.

Sorry, no answers to your questions but wanted to offer you a bit of cyber support.

joash · 13/06/2005 22:52

Thanks for the support SaintGeorge - they were more rhetorical questions really, just me letting off steam . I keep telling myself that it has to be a good thing.

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SaintGeorge · 13/06/2005 22:54

Still think Plan B (hiring a hitman) would save you sooooo much trouble though

joash · 13/06/2005 22:55

Oh yes!!
But thats a pleasure that I want to savour myself - not sure if I could let someone else have all the fun .

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joash · 28/06/2005 22:34

Things are still happening - ready for a long update?

Had a visit from the social worker (a supervision order runs out on 30th June) - she is making a report for the court that recommends extending the supervision order for another year and offering to pay for GS's parents contact visits every two months. They would come down to Cornwall one day - spend the next day with GS - return the following day. Our solicitor seems to think that the judge will go for that.
However, I don't want to take things for granted. We're still waiting to hear from the independant social worker and GS's parents are currently telling lie after lie after lie - I just hope that everyone can see through them.My main concern now is that their solicitor might try for a contested hearing. Does anyone know how likely that is to happen?

We've also had another visit from the CAFCASS guardian. She's told me much of what is in her final report. Basically - she's saying that DH and I are (effectively) GS's parents, we are all he's ever known and that the courts and solicitors get too hung up in labels like 'mum' and 'dad' or 'grandma' and 'grandad'. As far as she is concerned and from what she has observed about the way we all respond to GS's needs, etc, is that his parents show extremely little, if any interest in him as parents. They have not demonstrated any love or a caring attitude towards him that she would expect from a parent. They have no commitment to him and see him as little more that an appendage - something to use as a weapon against us. Apparently they have told her that if they don't get him back they would rather see him go into foster care than move to Cornwall with us. So - regardless of all the sh*t happening around us at the moment, and even though we have to wait for the independant social workers assessments and report - I was, at that time very, very happy and keeping my fingers crossed that the rest of the case goes our way.

However, The social worker asked us to change contact from Sunday to 40 mins on a Tuesday and 40 mins on a Thursday - at GS's parents request. We have done this before after being pestered by grandsons dad. But, we agreed yet again. Dickhead came for one of the Tuesday sessions and then refused to come on the Thursday. He then asked to change back to sunday. I've spoke to our solicitor and she says to just let him do it as we'll be criticised in court if we refuse. I am so sick of being messed around.

AND FINALLY

AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We changed the contacts back to Sunday - at GS's parents request. They also said that the independant social workers visit was cancelled, as well as the contact to be supervised by a local social worker. The independant social worker arrived unannounced early last evening to see if he could change the time from 2.00pm to 4.30 pm today. I explained that there wasn't going to be a contact as they had changed back to Sundays. His reply was that he had just had a conversation with the parents and they would be here at 4.30. So I agreed to him coming.

Whilst he was here GS had filled his nappy and I asked DH to change him - jokingly saying "He pongs, so that's your job". We both laughed as DH took GS off to be changed. The social worker almost bit my head off and actually asked in an aggressive manner "What's wrong with you doing it ... do you refuse to change smelly nappies?". I explained that DH was uncharacteristically home early from work early for a change and that he was rarely here to change any nappy, let alone smelly ones - so it made a change that he was here to do this one.

Anyway - that was last night...this afternoon, we received a call from DD2 to see what time the independant social worker was coming as they had just got a message to say they needed to be here. I explained that he had claimed to have spoken to them and arranged the time on their behalf - she denied this.

At 4.30pm - the social worker came back to observe the contact between GS and his parents. They were in the garden with GS and I came inside out of their way. Half way through, the social worker came in and asked me how I thought the contact was going. I said that it was going very well, but at the same time was extremely unusual as they NEVER, EVER played with GS and today they were doing so. He also asked what I thought of the idea of GS returning to his parents - I admitted that the idea scared me because of his fathers volatile and agressive nature - the social worker practically bit my head off and said "That's for me to find out not for you to tell me." He left without saying a word after he'd been here for around an hour.

I don't like his attitude, he is very agressive and downright rude. I'm not sure what to do and I do think that he jumps to an awful lot of conclusions. I feel that we might have a problem with him and his report. I'm getting to the point where I'm not sure if I can take this much longer!!!!!!

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joash · 29/06/2005 23:12

Had a call from GS's social worker this afternoon as well as a copy of her report. Very favourable on our behalf. Clearly states that GS's parents are incapable of taking care of him and couldn't provide him with a safe environment to live in. She also writes that our move to Cornwall will not affect him negatively at all. Just gotta wait for the independents report now.Feeling very, very stressed, need to relax ... but also feeling an urge to 'kill' IYSWIM.

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