Protecting myself and my future as a farmers wife?

[DahliaBr]

Hoping someone can relate or offer some advice.

I am happily married to a farmer. We live in a house with our child and another on the way. Our house is owned by the farm and the farm is currently owned by my husband’s father.
My husband’s father who’s in his 60s still won’t let go of the farm and hand it over to my husband.
Recently my husband’s parents have become very toxic towards me. I feel they are not happy that I am pregnant again because it takes my husband away from the farm to take care of our children. They have openly attacked me over with their toxic opinion's about women having children. There has been a lot of negative behaviour towards which has made me feel very sad and insecure about my security here living on the farm. My husband protects me and supports me but my worry is what if something happened to my husband.
How would I protect myself and my children? I have become especially worried since they have become toxic towards me.
What rights do I have? Is there anything I can do to protect myself?

I literally own nothing or have anything to secure myself.

Are you sure you’re “happily married”?

Yes! My marriage is very happy and my husband is my best friend. That’s not the point of the question I asked under the topic “money matters”.

I would buy a house and either let it or live there so if things escalate you have your own property to escape to.

I know you're pregnant now but I'd make plans to upskill myself via online courses at the open university in a few years time. Make a plan to retrain and have your own career even if it's setting yourself up as a remote admin assistant. Something that you can work around with the kids and any farm commitments that you have.

It's important that you have your own money, property and career and be as independent as possible.

You need to have a plan in case something happens. The farm nor the house you live in does not belong to you or your DH. If you separate or worst case your DH dies before anything is legally signed over to him, you and your children are entitled to nothing AFAIK
You didn't say if you're paying rent in the house.

I’d get a career going.

Not helpful

You need to talk to you husband. It’s very tricky are and I think there is a lot of trust in this but I can see trust has been eroded by his parents behaviour.

Do you work now or in the past? Or do you work on the farm and is it paid? You need and income and then you need to invest. Presumably housing costs are low? So invest that money into savings. These could be in joint names.

im not an expert but i think seeing a solicitor to draw up a will would be a good starting line and getting some life insurance for your husband. This must be an age old problem. Sorry the are being awful

I am a scientist with lots of research experience. Currently I am a part time carer for children with disabilities. I work two days a week. I do have a lot of skills which is helpful.

Yes! This is what I’m worried about and no we don’t pay rent on our house.

Do you work?

Thanks lovey! Yes, I have a chemistry degree but quit my job to become a carer for children with disabilities. I work two days a week self employed.
Yes, I agree I need to set up a savings account and get my husband to write his will. My husband owns a lot of land a said he’s happy to hand it over to me if something happened. He’s trying his best to help me.

I don’t think his parents would see me on the streets but I’m worried about how their behaviour could impact my future.

You and your DH need to buy somewhere else. Currently if you divorced, or he died, you are entitled to nothing in the way of assets. And frankly, that won't change. His father may well live well into his 80s and farmers tend not to 'retire'. They certainly don't usually hand over the farm until they are dead.

If you aren't paying rent then you need to look at buying somewhere nearby, and off the farm (preferably to live in yourselves). Is there anywhere nearby that's up for sale that you could get a mortgage on?

And yes, I would go back to work.

It's good that you have a job already, OP. I appreciate that working more than a couple of days a week can tricky with small children, especially if you're mucking in with the farm work on top of that. If you can, put aside a bit each month for a private pension and/or savings accounts... and remind yourself (and your PILs, if it's a livestock farm) that if the female sex didn't have babies, they wouldn't have a farm to run!

Your FIL is unlikely to hand over the farm. Farmers do not retire; they just keep on going forever (I've known one to be discharged from hospital in the morning, and he was then off around his cows an hour later...), and probably wouldn't know what to do with themselves if they did retire. Can you and your DH afford to keep the farm in the event of FIL's death, given the inheritance tax? Unfortunately, it will be difficult to avoid your PILs if you live on the farm.

You and your DH need wills. Even if you're his next of kin, if he dies intestate, it could take a long time to sort out, which would put you in a more precarious position. Is the house in his name, or your PILs? Do you have family that you could go and live with if necessary? If all else fails, if your DH has a lot of good quality land and that passes to you in the event of his death, you could rent it out, as land is a big asset to have, and it would provide a regular income.

I apologise that I can't be more helpful. I don't work on a family farm anymore, so it's different for me, but good luck to you, your DH and DC.

Never give up your own independence but try to save for a deposit for a rental as an escape plan if needs be.
Also this is extreme but what if your husband died??? Have you got adequate life cover? Would his parents throw you out as you have no claim on the property. This all needs some serious thought.

What are their ‘toxic opinions about women having children’? How else do they think children happen?

I am definitely going to start a savings account as a small back up.

Would we both need life insurance? My husband owns a lot of land. Would the land come under life insurance or a will?

I don’t think his parents would kick me out straight away but they may do eventually. They love money and would want to rent it out or something. I hate feeling like this but I’m feeling scared because of the way they have been treating me.

Thank you xx

Yes get some cash Nessie’s away!

life cover is independant of anything we have life cover policies and we have 1 each that pays each other £250k when we die and another one that pays out £150k if one or other of us die
we also both have cover via jobs the nhs pays 4x my annual salary to him and I would get 3x his annual salary if he passed away

this is money from premiums paid as such or employee benefits

a will is entirely separate as you are “leaving” any assets to a named person but the issue will be if his family own it legally but they say it’s his.
that sort of thing

you probably need a session with a solicitor to discuss and a financial advisor for life cover

Having been in your situation the most important thing is to buy a house. Use the money that would be going on rent to fund a mortgage. Your in-laws could easily turn against you both and you’d have nowhere to go.

I’m from farming.

What is the agreement- if there is one - between your husband and his father? 60 is quite young for your FIL to retire so he’s unlikely to just hand it over for quite some time.

Does your husband take a salary from the farm? Does he have any siblings?

surely your PIL wouldn’t kick out their grand children? Even if something happened to your DH, and they didn’t like you, your children are still their direct descendants.

Your DH really needs to speak to his parents. I’ve got loads of questions!

Is the farm owned in partnership by your in-laws? I assume your dh isn’t a partner. How is DH paid? Is he an employee or does he get a profit share like a partner ? What is his status and does he have any role in making decisions about the future of the farm? Is there a will? Will he inherit it? Will the estate pay IHT on it if they don’t hand over ownership within 7 years of dying?

Could it be a company with shareholders and directors? Why isn’t your husband a director? Could he be? He needs to sort out the ownership and ownership strategy and secure his family’s future. Usually farmers like succession planning and you are mum to the next generation. In the scenario you describe, they could just sell the farm from under you. Your DH needs to sort out his future as a farmer!

What is the current set up - partnership, company, sole trades? Who owns what?

Because I take my husband away from the farm! I work 11 hours a week and they don’t like it that my husband looks after our children. They think women who are pregnant should somehow give birth all on their own. They hate that my husband comes to all my appointments and scans because he’s not working. They don’t like the fact that I will be in the house looking after new born because it’s means I’m lazy. My husband’s Mum told me I should learn to mange off my husband’s salary because if I go back to work I’m disrupting the farm.

I feel like I can’t be pregnant around them. It’s disgusting.

They can be horrible people.

What did your husband say when your PILs said such horrible things to you?

It’s just having the money to buy the house :( it would take a long time to save up.

It’s not that straight forward to just not work when you’re a farmer. It’s pretty much on call 24/7 with long working hours each day. Who’s farming if your husband is at home whilst you’re at work?
I’m not saying you shouldn’t work but it’s a reality of the job, and it sounds like it’s affecting your in-laws.