Protecting myself and my future as a farmers wife?

[DahliaBr]

Hoping someone can relate or offer some advice.

I am happily married to a farmer. We live in a house with our child and another on the way. Our house is owned by the farm and the farm is currently owned by my husband’s father.
My husband’s father who’s in his 60s still won’t let go of the farm and hand it over to my husband.
Recently my husband’s parents have become very toxic towards me. I feel they are not happy that I am pregnant again because it takes my husband away from the farm to take care of our children. They have openly attacked me over with their toxic opinion's about women having children. There has been a lot of negative behaviour towards which has made me feel very sad and insecure about my security here living on the farm. My husband protects me and supports me but my worry is what if something happened to my husband.
How would I protect myself and my children? I have become especially worried since they have become toxic towards me.
What rights do I have? Is there anything I can do to protect myself?

I literally own nothing or have anything to secure myself.

@LoftyCoralBird Retirement from a farm isn’t necessary when the ownership is diversified. It’s can be split into shares, a trust or a limited company or a partnership. A business doesn’t have to be handed over 100%. It can have a variety of ownership models which are not full retirement for the in-laws. Plus they don’t own the land anyway.

@BeOchreDog Do you know about smaller family farms? This is not a ducal estate with an absent owner or part of an estate. A land agent? Highly unusual for a family farm that’s probably not making much.

Yes, quite a lot. I am a land agent. Have been for years, most smaller farms will also have a local practice land agent that give them advice on an ad hoc basis, most land agents aren’t resident agents or estate managers. Seems like in this circumstances some succession planning would save thousands in the long run. Do you know much about farms?

@BeOchreDog Yes. Farmers DD! Most family farms don’t have a land agent involvement. What % do you think do? Rare where I am! No one makes enough money. Most farmers cannot divert money to pay for land agents. They just about scrape a living together.

I would imagine the disabled kids the OP cares for (and their parents) consider that she already has a 'proper job'.

Potentially what you meant was 'plan to go back to your previous job assuming it paid a better salary'.

Unfortunately the words you chose massively undervalued the significant contribution is making in her current role.

I'm sure what she does might be very worthy but I wouldn't put my or my family's future financial security at stake on the basis of a job's feel good factor.

It's not like being a research scientist isn't without its merits.

How do you know there's a feel good factor? Care work can be hard and undervalued

I don’t think you know what land agents do. Most farmers require the services of a land agent at some point, even if it’s the NFU land agents. Who is doing your insurance valuations, machinery and standing crop valuations, farm and machinery sales, livestock auctions, advising on new schemes, wayleave and easement negotiations, mapping the farm for environmental schemes, land sales, rental agreements - all land agents.

By the virtue of attending an agricultural university, being in young farmers and working in agriculture I know quite a lot of farmers, I don’t know a single person that has zero involvement from an agent ever.

The only thing we use Land Agents for are farm sales and rental agreements. Everything else on your list is done either in house, by the insurers or the accountants. I can see why a small farmer might not have a huge amount to do with land agents.

It's not about 'feel good factor' it's about it being a worthy, dignified and 'proper' job.

It may not pay very well and that is a perfectly valid reason for someone to choose not to do it but that doesn't mean we need to degrade the value of the role itself when we discuss the merits of choosing to do it.

Well, then work less hard for more money at a different job?

Well paid highly qualified research scientist pivoting to self employed part time carer is an unusual decision to have made

It would be worthwhile speaking with the NFU.

Also, would your dh consider asking his parents to sell your home to you both? Security for the grandchildren.

What’s their problem? Are you not from ‘farming stock’ or something? Some of them can be odd about that sort of thing.

@WhitegreeNcandle Exactly. There are ways around this problem but the DH needs to work up a plan that involves the op. He should know she’s concerned about the future. If he owns the land, is there no chance of getting a house on it? Their own house? It’s unusual to have a house separate from a landholding on a farm. IHT is the elephant in the room as well.

The whole ownership arrangement here is odd. DH is paid a wage, presumably by his parents. Most farmers are self employed when they work their own land. So why isn’t DH? How is the business separate from the land? The op isn’t part of the business but she could be.

I suppose she is expected to work on the farm as the farmer's son's wife. And if it's rural very little opportunity to work outside the farm.

So much needs working out doesn’t it. I used to describe my profit share of a partnership I was involved in as a wage to non farmers. I wonder if the point being made is that he does draw an income from the farm rather than explaining dividends or partnership shares!

@chirrupybird This is often the case when the wife is a business partner, but she’s not. What’s in it for her? Even DH gets a wage. He’s not a business owner. It’s all very odd. Farmers wives do participate in farming life but they have a stake in it. Many run a letting cottage, a farm produce shop and broaden the scope of the farm they are part of. The op isn’t part of anything. They seem to see her as just a farm labourer. There’s no business plan to include her.

He needs to see all the paperwork. If they got him life insurance it may have them down as the beneficiaries and it needs to be you.
I'd buy a small house/cottage and let it out long term. So you have something if they did turn on you in the event he died.

Even just asking if he had a life insurance policy through the farm would be an insult to them.

He would know already!! You can’t just take out a life assurance policy on someone else without them being intrinsically involved and indeed signing it and their signing being witnessed by independent parties

There’s a whiff of sketchiness about all this

Life insurance is besides the point. He doesn’t own a business. He owns land. As his spouse the op gets that if he dies. If he has insurance great, but it’s not solving the business problems and the fact he’s employed with a wage. He’s not part of the business and that’s the issue that’s fundamental. He needs to make a will too.

Yeah definitely something not adding up. Half a story here.

I would be worried in your shoes @DahliaBr . You have a low paid job of 11 hours a week; a husband who doesn’t seem to have any grasp whatsoever of future planning or finances or rights; and in laws that seem to hold a lot of power and despise you.

@DahliaBr I haven't read the full thread, but yes, you can apply for life insurance online. I then had a phone call the following day (beware if you live in a place with limited phone signal!) where I was asked questions about if I smoked, took drugs, alcohol intake, any current health conditions, who I'd like the pay-out to go to in the event of my death and so on. As I don't smoke, do drugs, drink and am in good health so far, mine is just over £20 a month.

I hope that you've had a better day today!

I’m sure many of us feel for you, OP in a rural area with perhaps limited social interaction, the vulnerability of pregnancy and unpleasant in laws on top of everything else. I do believe you.
One reason for not doubting you is that I’ve known farmers’ wives in a very similar circumstances. Good enough to carry the third generation but not good enough for their sons. It happens.
There are no doubt many many women in similar circumstances around the country too exhausted and demoralised to say anything.
To the doubters, perhaps the OP had to travel some distance for her scientific work and possibly the other work is closer to home and far more rewarding to this woman?

There is some first class advice on this thread and OP, we are here for you so you don’t have to feel alone.