Protecting myself and my future as a farmers wife?

[DahliaBr]

Hoping someone can relate or offer some advice.

I am happily married to a farmer. We live in a house with our child and another on the way. Our house is owned by the farm and the farm is currently owned by my husband’s father.
My husband’s father who’s in his 60s still won’t let go of the farm and hand it over to my husband.
Recently my husband’s parents have become very toxic towards me. I feel they are not happy that I am pregnant again because it takes my husband away from the farm to take care of our children. They have openly attacked me over with their toxic opinion's about women having children. There has been a lot of negative behaviour towards which has made me feel very sad and insecure about my security here living on the farm. My husband protects me and supports me but my worry is what if something happened to my husband.
How would I protect myself and my children? I have become especially worried since they have become toxic towards me.
What rights do I have? Is there anything I can do to protect myself?

I literally own nothing or have anything to secure myself.

Thanks for the advice lovely, appreciate it.

This is not helpful, but thanks.

Also what about a family trust? The ownership must be clear now and needs to be for future security. Farmers are allowed some time off!

You need life insurance. And more than you think. Think about how much it would cost to buy a place to live, subsidise living expenses while you can’t work because you’re supporting two children who just lost their dad, and then while you go back to work part time until you can go up to full time. Think about how you would fund university for them and help them financially when they’re older. Think about how you would need to pay for everything that he currently does. That’s how much you need to insure him for.

He went nuts at both of them!! It’s been hard seeing him this angry and upset.

Wound we both need life insurance or just him?

Good idea but I would be hard to get his parents to discuss anything like this.

When you can you need to get back working full time and be in a position to get a mortgage if needed.
The in laws have you where they want you, they can treat you like crap and they know you are stuck

Both, but they might be for different amounts, as presumably he is less likely to be in a position where he might find himself without anywhere to live. What costs would he have if you died? Eg would he need to hire additional help on the farm so he could take time to spend with your grieving children? More childcare if you’re not around? Help around the house?

Why would you expect your FIL to hand over his assets in his 60s?
I say this as a farmer’s wife also. I work full time (3 children). The day of farmers handing over everything or retiring in their 60s is long gone. Hardly surprising given the separation/divorce statistics. Surely you realise that? Instead of looking to take what others have worked all their life for, perhaps you should focus on your career and whatever becomes your husband’s in time (and yours by default) is a lovely bonus.

My husband’s dad owns minority of the business but my husband owns all the land.

Yes my husband takes a wage from the farm.

I wound like to hope they wouldn’t kick me out but the way they have treated me recently has scared me a little.

In our family there tends to be rental homes bought these are ostensibly "for the children" but they are assets outside "the farm".

You also want about £1m life policy imo.
You have a disabled child.your ability to work work will be more curtailed than your run of the mill widow.

This doesn’t give them an excuse to treat their daughter in law like rubbish. As someone who knows very well how farms work, their attitude is unacceptable. If they’re struggling then it needs a family discussion to sort out how to cover the OPs husbands absences, it not to take it out on his wife for having his children and working part time.

I am already working and taking care of myself. I am talking about the house we live in and the toxic behaviour towards me from his family. I am worried we would be homeless!!!!!! I am not after anything. This is about security for my children.

I am aware of more than one farming will where the son inherits but the daughter in law would not get anything if the husband were not in the picture. Is your husband aware of the will? What is the relationship like between grandparents and grandchild? Are they fond of your child?

I think others are right that you need to protect yourself. Life insurance, strong wills both of you, and squirrel away your own money through as much work as you are able.

Thank you 🙏🏼

You said “Our house is owned by the farm and the farm is currently owned by my husband’s father. My husband’s father who’s in his 60s still won’t let go of the farm and hand it over to my husband.”

I asked you why you think he should “hand it over” at the ripe old age of 60?
You said you have “lots of skills” so put them to good use and earn your own money to buy your own home with your husband. Working 11 hours a week isn’t going to cut it, especially when you are taking him away from his work. Pay a childminder?

They love their granddaughter to bits. But my little girl doesn’t want to see them at the moment because grandma upset me in front of her. It’s scared her a little seeing me attacked like that.

yes, I think your right. I need to protect myself for the “just in case”.

Again! Useless information. But thanks.

Very true!

That’s understandable. Farming situations and inheritance and finances surround them are very complicated. I hope they apologise to you and you are able to get on more steady footing. Definitely do everything you can to protect yourself and your children. And don’t let their attitude dampen your pregnancy, congratulations!

Hi @DahliaBr Farming & farming families really are a bizarre world all of their own, & sadly you’ll get lots of unhelpful answers!
As a starting point - if you’ve not already, both of you get life AND critical illness insurance sorted. Once this is done, again both of you, get wills written - make your wishes super clear so there can be no ambiguity over the land your husband owns.
I’d then make an appointment with an expert in agricultural estate planning & trusts. Lay all
your cards on the table with them & see what they advise - they can hopefully provide you with info about all potential outcomes regarding the farm & what happens if/when your FIL dies & his estate. Hopefully your husband & his Dad will have dealt with the farming changing hands long before this happens!
Finally, the advice to buy a rental is really sound! It gives you & your husband a separate income away from the farm, while also being there should you ever need a place to live in the future. Keep squirrelling away your income (as much as possible) for the time being to.
Hope this helps a little!

Ey up - your MIL’s online OP.

And they do still sign over farms - my best mate’s FIL signed over a dairy farm with 350 head of cattle the day after his son married my friend - he was 62.

How does the money situation work? Does dh get a salary? Is it enough?

Does he have any assets, or a pension? If he were to die it sounds like you'd have a roof over your head for a while and could claim benefits but really you should be building assets as a couple.

You do need to be employed as soon as is practical unless dh draws a good wage in which case he can pay into your savings and pension.

Yes you both need life insurance.

Are you entitled to benefits, carers allowance or DLA for the DC?

There’s always two sides to every story. I can only imagine the stress for the in-laws who at 60 were probably at least thinking of slowing down. A lot of wife’s of farmers do work outside of the farm now, but I can’t say I know any farmers that take days off to look after the kids so they can work, it’s not realistic. Most either find childcare or have to take them with them.