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Original poster

Should my husband be asking my parents for inheritance money now?

331 replies

Wwe175 · 13/04/2026 16:10

My parents are of an age to be doing IHT planning. They have not decided on anything yet.
I know my OH and I have much more money than my brother and his wife, and a much fancier lifestyle. My brother just moved house. He’s a contented person. He and his OH are quite happy doing the house up slowly, at his own pace, though it does need some work.
My OH just told my parents that they were on course to be the richest corpses in the graveyard. He suggested them giving my brother £100k right now to help him employ decorators, replace windows and install a new kitchen more quickly.
Then my OH told my parents that if they do, he will fight them for £100k for me now, too. We don’t even need the money. I am worried he’s making my parents think he’s greedy and they might change their plans. My parents say they are ignoring it but I think they are cross.
I want OH and me to be a team and I want to involve him in financial discussions with my parents. But I am uncomfortable with this.
I think my OH needs to take his lead from me and not ask my parents for money.
Thoughts please?

OP posts:
MarriedTwiceOneGrownUpDaughter · 18/04/2026 18:44

Marieb19 · 18/04/2026 18:10

You husband has been greedy, crass and rude. If I were your parents I would try to ensure whatever money I left to you, in whatever way, would be protected away from your husband.

This 100%.

Jesslovesengineering · 18/04/2026 18:51

This type of mercenary, avaricious and presumptuous behaviour would be a massive red flag to me. Like, enough for me to be getting rid of the husband. So many red flags.

Pigwig22 · 18/04/2026 19:14

Wwe175 · 13/04/2026 16:10

My parents are of an age to be doing IHT planning. They have not decided on anything yet.
I know my OH and I have much more money than my brother and his wife, and a much fancier lifestyle. My brother just moved house. He’s a contented person. He and his OH are quite happy doing the house up slowly, at his own pace, though it does need some work.
My OH just told my parents that they were on course to be the richest corpses in the graveyard. He suggested them giving my brother £100k right now to help him employ decorators, replace windows and install a new kitchen more quickly.
Then my OH told my parents that if they do, he will fight them for £100k for me now, too. We don’t even need the money. I am worried he’s making my parents think he’s greedy and they might change their plans. My parents say they are ignoring it but I think they are cross.
I want OH and me to be a team and I want to involve him in financial discussions with my parents. But I am uncomfortable with this.
I think my OH needs to take his lead from me and not ask my parents for money.
Thoughts please?

You can be a team and make financial decisions about YOUR money when it is actually YOURS. Under no circumstance should he be making such a rude comment to your parents about their money.

If they asked you for an opinion - and only if they do ask not unsolicited - then you might want to discuss it with him separately, but I would make sure he was nowhere near when you then go back to them with your opinion on THEIR money!

My parents are also IHT planning and have spoken to my brother and me about their thoughts and we have told them to enjoy what they can while they can. My husband and I make all decisions as team. But on this he would never dream of giving an opinion (other than nothing to do with me) and leaves the room if it is raised.

BeAzureRaven · 18/04/2026 19:28

Wowwhat an over the top and completely inappropriate thing for your OH to say to your parents! It's shocking, reallyto me anyway. My ex (who made a huge salary) once asked my parents how much inheritance they were leaving me. None of his business! Our marriage was already struggling at that point, and this was just one more thing that made me realize I no longer wanted to be with him.

B33cka8 · 18/04/2026 19:36

Phoarrrr if I were your parents I'd be ensuring he got zilch in the will! It'd be going directly to any grandchildren, held for them until they're old enough to manage it.

Apprentice26 · 18/04/2026 19:38

He’s quite clearly given this some thought hasn’t he?

ScottishSoupDragon · 18/04/2026 19:40

Wwe175 · 13/04/2026 16:10

My parents are of an age to be doing IHT planning. They have not decided on anything yet.
I know my OH and I have much more money than my brother and his wife, and a much fancier lifestyle. My brother just moved house. He’s a contented person. He and his OH are quite happy doing the house up slowly, at his own pace, though it does need some work.
My OH just told my parents that they were on course to be the richest corpses in the graveyard. He suggested them giving my brother £100k right now to help him employ decorators, replace windows and install a new kitchen more quickly.
Then my OH told my parents that if they do, he will fight them for £100k for me now, too. We don’t even need the money. I am worried he’s making my parents think he’s greedy and they might change their plans. My parents say they are ignoring it but I think they are cross.
I want OH and me to be a team and I want to involve him in financial discussions with my parents. But I am uncomfortable with this.
I think my OH needs to take his lead from me and not ask my parents for money.
Thoughts please?

What a bloody cheek! Does he realise that, WHEN THE TIME COMES, it will be solely YOUR inheritance, and nothing to do with him, unless you want it to be!? He sounds like a walking red flag.
I've been in this position with my now ex. Both my parents died within 10 days of each other, and my sister and I each inherited quite large sums of money. NOTHING will change someone more than the prospect of gaining access to a big chunk of money. And my ex? Well, change he certainly did. It was the wake up call I needed.
So, if I were you inheriting money in the future, I'd ring-fence those monies entirely separately from your joint/family finances. I'd also add to your will that any funds remaining from that inheritance should be go directly to your children in the event of your death. It sounds extreme, but please believe me when I say that those kind of red flags should never be ignored. And I'd reassure your parents about your future plans... stressing that you don't want that day to come anytime soon.

Inthecountrryside · 18/04/2026 20:12

He's got debts he hasn't told you about

Betcha

LubyLooTwo · 18/04/2026 20:12

Your husband is a despicable piece of s*e. Number 1, it's your parents money not his. No 2, you are no doubt the beneficiary of your parents estate not him. No 3, your parents may need the money at some point. No 4, there are severe tax implications if you parents palm off large suns of cash - it is potential tax evasion. If brother need help they could make small gifts to help him out. I would divorce your DH tight now. He is a disgusting scumbag.

GreyBeeplus3 · 18/04/2026 22:18

@Wwe175
My thoughts are wot a cheeky grabby little so-and-so he's probably used to giving his entitled opinion without it being asked for and using your brothers house move/renovations as an excuse has gone in for the jugular to get money he feels owed to him by proxy of marriage and its
Unbelievable that he called your parents 'the richest corpses in the graveyard' so no wonder they're 'annoyed'

Also the talk of youse been a team is not true really is it?
He's no true respect for you to speak to your parents like that
Hate to say this,
But did he really marry for love?
And do you just do as he says, so he assumed your parents would too?
If I were your parents he'd get nothing
And the only way you'd get yours is divorce.
Can guarantee if YOU did inherit he'd assume total control of it all and keep you in the dark

Dliodor11 · 19/04/2026 00:57

As someone who has made literally thousands of wills during a long career, I'd say there's a good chance your DH will cause you to lose your own inheritance.

BeAzureRaven · 19/04/2026 03:23

ScottishSoupDragon · 18/04/2026 19:40

What a bloody cheek! Does he realise that, WHEN THE TIME COMES, it will be solely YOUR inheritance, and nothing to do with him, unless you want it to be!? He sounds like a walking red flag.
I've been in this position with my now ex. Both my parents died within 10 days of each other, and my sister and I each inherited quite large sums of money. NOTHING will change someone more than the prospect of gaining access to a big chunk of money. And my ex? Well, change he certainly did. It was the wake up call I needed.
So, if I were you inheriting money in the future, I'd ring-fence those monies entirely separately from your joint/family finances. I'd also add to your will that any funds remaining from that inheritance should be go directly to your children in the event of your death. It sounds extreme, but please believe me when I say that those kind of red flags should never be ignored. And I'd reassure your parents about your future plans... stressing that you don't want that day to come anytime soon.

Show quote history

Yes! This is the sort of situation that murder mystery writers love"Well, the husband is the one with the motivebut he has an alibi--or does he really? Who actually conked the wife over the head with a candlestick in the library?" (hint: it's ALWAYS the husband)

Picklelily99 · 19/04/2026 08:09

THINK he's greedy???

Star2004k · 19/04/2026 08:18

It is none of his business what your parents do with their money full stop.

If you’re a “team” with this man, don’t be surprised if you get zero.

Crazykatie · 19/04/2026 10:39

bugalugs45 · 13/04/2026 16:12

Jesus Christ, he’d be my ex husband before he could blink if he spoke to my parents like that !
How rude 😳

This is probably why your parents decided not to do anything yet, they don't trust him and neither should you, apologize to your parents and let the subject drop.

Livpool · 19/04/2026 10:53

Your DH sounds awful!

mondaytosunday · 19/04/2026 11:01

It is actually quite sensible to gift your brother some money now- it’s not considered income so it won’t affect your brothers tax. He would though have to pay tax if he earned interest or a dividend if invested. From an inheritance tax POV, as long as your parents lived for seven years beyond the gift then no implications. If they died before then tax will be charged pro rata. In fairness, if their intention is to split their estate between you, some sort of wording in their will that you should get the equivalent in value at their death might be wise.
As for your OH, it’s none of his business and he should keep his opinions to himself unless he is a financial advisor and they have actually ASKED for his input.

Fionuala · 19/04/2026 12:53

what on earth is he doing???
he sounds dreadful
basic rule of family etiquette is stay out of stuff that isn't directly your business
!!!
what about another angle - ask him how much you will get if you divorce him

GlosGirl82 · 19/04/2026 19:58

If I was your parents - I would set up a trust that you and your brother could benefit from and exclude your husband in every way possible - not jokey - insulting and pretty disgusting

Aussiemum87 · 19/04/2026 23:49

If I was your parents I wouldn’t be speaking to him again. That’s incredibly rude and to think their daughter is with someone who thinks and speaks like that would be too much. How are you standing by and thinking this is even remotely passable?

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 20/04/2026 06:46

He needs to apologise to your parents and to you. He needs to know what he did was not acceptable. You need to show your parents you are disappointed with him. Has he acknowledged he messed up?

Hitchens · 20/04/2026 08:53

sounds like you should be divorcing your husband

Menotmummedad · 20/04/2026 09:58

He is out of order in addressing your parents in this way but he has a point.
IHT planning is delicate but if your parents have more than enough for their retirement, it might be sensible for them to distribute some of the "surplus" to reduce IHT liability. Such gifts are still liable for tax (on a 7 year taper). Your parents may well be aware of all this. I had to look at this to help my daughter with a deposit for her house.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 20/04/2026 13:07

I have only read your responses, not all of the replies

' In fairness I think my husband meant to be jokey.'

you go ahead and defend your husband, but
have you ever heard the expression

' many a true word said in jest ' ?

If you haven't here is how Google/AI explains it

"Many a true word is spoken in jest" is a proverb meaning that serious truths or genuine feelings are often expressed through jokes, teasing, or humorous remarks. It suggests that humor can be a safe way to reveal, or hint at, a reality that might otherwise be considered too direct or confrontational...

EagerLemur · 20/04/2026 15:10

so basically your husband wants 100k from your parents, which is why he insists on your parents giving your brother 100k so he can then get 100k for you & him, i'd watch your back if i was you, does he have a gambling problem? or in massive debt? somethings not right here, tell him hes out of order and to shut up, sounds like he thinks your parents have lived longer than they should have