What do I do?

[DontTellMeToTakeInIroning]

Let me preface by saying I entirely accept that this is all my own fault and I hold my hands up. I am in debt. A lot of debt. I'll estimate it's around £50k. Largely interest on previous loans/credit cards which were ran up because I have a compulsive spending habit.... holidays, clothes, beauty treatments, etc. I earn well so it's been largely manageable - but now it all feels like just too much. An example is that I wrote my previous car off and ended up with a car on PCP (two years in) - I have been using the pay out I got in insurance for the monthly payments but this will run out soon as I'll need to find an extra £289 a month.

I will point out that I have a complicated relationship with my mum, who has bailed me out a couple of times already over the years - I've always paid her back the full amount. I have a bit of a front to keep up with her to stop her knowing the situation I'm in as I don't want to alert her to it e.g. suddenly stop going on holiday with her, stop nail appointments, etc.

I currently earn £54k a year which will go up to £56k soon and £62k after October. But I am single so solely responsible for the home and all bills - the house has approx. £50k equity and mortgage is due for renewal in October, but I'm not convinced about borrowing more with my credit rating. I am looking for a second job but already work around 50 hours a week in my main role. I can't take in a lodger, move house, or take in ironing.

My options are:

1. Come out of the work pension scheme until I am more financially stable - but I'm 40 now and can't guarantee how long that might be
2. Struggle on until October and hope that I can re-mortgage - although I can't borrow enough to pay everything off and it will kill my credit rating even more if they turn me down
3. Get a secured loan now via a broker - see above (and yes I'm aware it should only be done for home improvements but needs must)
4. Confess all to my mum and ask for help - she has no mortgage and I'm an only child so I would possibly suggest equity release but I'm scared to even flag it up...

If it helps I have 21 years left on the mortgage, and was always planning on selling up and travelling when I eventually retire - not taking any money with me when I go!

You need to tell your mum if the situation means living beyond your means. There is no shame in saying "no, I can't afford this".

All of your suggestions are the wrong ones. Don't try to borrow your way out of debt. You're very unlikely to be approved for a debt consolidation mortgage anyway as you don't have much equity.
Coming out of your pension is a bad idea, getting a secured loan is even worse. Your mum bailing you out is also a terrible idea.
What you need is a budget, cut back fully on everything, stop spending and start repaying the debt

I would be wary of asking your mum for help. That really is a last resort. I think you need to try other options-I have a great relationship with my adult children but would not be impressed if they asked me to do equity release so they can pay off their lifestyle debts. If your relationship is complex, it will be worse. However there is nothing wrong with being firm with her when declining spending trips. No mum, I’m on a strict budget for now and can’t afford it.

You don’t mention that you’ve ever had debt counselling-that can really help. Have you sat down with an experienced professional to go through income and outgoings and the amount you can afford to repay. They can help you approach your lenders with a payment plan.

You could stop your pension-however, you will be losing the 40% tax relief you will get by earning over 50k-so it may not make as much difference as you think. However as a temporary option, you could-but your pension will take a big hit.

Is it impossible to take on a lodger? Tax free income is a no brainer-or is it you don’t have the room?

There is light at the end of the tunnel-you earn well so with a plan, you should manage it.

This is more deep rooted than money. Of course you shouldn’t be asking your mum about equity release.

If you don’t want to tell her about the debt, say you’re saving to put towards the mortgage when you renew it - so no more nails, holidays, anything unnecessary. Instead, throw everything you would’ve spent on those things at the debt.

Don’t borrow more, that won’t help you either.

Try listening to the Financielle podcast or getting the app. They have a playbook that gives you some rules and some permission on how to get out of debt, but their big thing is that you have to do the work and feel the pain or you won’t learn anything and you’ll just run it up again.

@Recpert I'm already paying for treatment which I hope will help

@Pennyfan I'm autistic and home is my safe space so there's no way I could ever share with a stranger

Sorry I should have added that my outstanding mortgage is £130k and the house is worth £180k so although it doesn't sound much I could borrow up to 95% of the value and raise £35,000 (Money Supermarket seems to think I can based on my credit file but in practice it could be a big fat no, and also it doesn't pay it all off).

Nobody will lend to 95% LTV for debt consolidation

It sounds like you really must cut back on your spending. Put on your big girl pants and be frank with your mother. With any luck she'll support your sensible decision. There's no shame in admitting that you can't afford treats for a while.

If you don't want to tell your mum the whole truth about the debt you could fudge a little by saying that you're saving hard for a new car.

Can you move some of your debt onto 0% cards? some of those have 0% for 12 or even 24mos. Then concentrate on paying the interest bearing debt first.

Presumably, you've audited yourself and worked out how much you need each month for essentials (rent, petrol, groceries, etc.) so the hard medicine here is to stick to that.

Decreasing your pension contributions should be done carefully to avoid paying higher rate tax on any wages above ca. £49K since this is counterproductive. If you choose to decrease your pension contributions (temporarily), make sure that you are moving that money straight to your debt repayment, not skimming off even a smidge for nail appointments et al.!

It hasn’t been manageable at all, you have to stop spending on holidays, clothes and beauty treatments and either contact Stepchange or the credit card companies to sort out a payment plan.

How on earth you have written your car off but not informed the pcp company is mystifying

I think possibly illegal too?

I agree with talking to step change who can help you navigate this situation with the companies you owe money to.

I think you are going to have to stay with your current mortgage provider in order to avoid someone carrying out a full credit check on you also

All of your suggestions seem to be borrow more rather than spend less.

You need to massively cut back absolutely everything and throw everything you have at paying it off.

This.
You need to work out a way to live below your means and pay off your debts. Have a look at Money Saving Expert boards.

Is point 4 suggesting that you ask your mum to release equity from HER house to help you out?

Regardless of which option you choose you need to tell her and stop spending stupid money on stupid things, if she’s as lovely as she sounds then she doesn’t deserve being treated like an idiot OP

@tarheelbaby I really am cutting back as much as I can without alerting my mum to the fact I'm skint, there are also things I can't cut back on as it supports my already precarious mental health. I wouldn't be saving for a new car though, although could say I'm saving for the balloon payment when my PCP ends in two years.

Unfortunately they won't offer me any new cards - I have quite a few but majority have zero balance on them currently, I will keep an eye out for debt shift offers on them though.

I don't get to set my pension contributions unfortunately as I'm NHS so it's either 10.7% or zero

@Quitelikeit I wrote off my previous car and got the current PCP car to replace it. I've been using the insurance pay out for the old car to pay the monthly payments for the new one, but this won't last much longer

You go to Step Change and they will help you to make one managable payment per month.
You reallly need to speak to them asap and they will help you
They will speak to all your debt companies and negotiate with them. You make one small payment a month and thats it.
As ling as your debts are payable within 7 years they will do a debt management plan for you.

You need to address your spending problems, not find ever more creative ways to get into more debt. My friend remortgaged every few years to pay off some of her debts and by the time she retired she had to sell the house and had barely any equity in it. You are saying no to a lot of options. This problem isn't going to solve itself. Why are you paying for treatment when you can get debt management for free? Is this just another way you are living beyond your means? Has it actually resulted in any changes to your spending behaviours, or is it just about understanding yourself?

And the holidays and nail appointments, you are just gping to have to be honest about that. Its ridiculous to get yourself in more debt for holidays and nail appointments. Jjst rip the plaster and tell her you can not afford it

Borrowing more wont help, what usually happens is you end up in more debt as you dont change your habits
You need to do the hard work so that its tough and a wake up call sorry and so you never get into debt again.

You have to accept you can no longer impulse buy
Start with a budget/ income and outgoings
Post here with your debt totals

Someone will be along with sound advice

What has gotten you into debt in the first place? £50k is pretty extreme for a single person. Are you trying to maintain a champagne lifestyle? Shopping habit? Ware you still spending on cards? Do you have anything to show for the money borrowed?

You definitely sound like you have a borrow mindset rather than save and pay off. Could you share your current budget?

Why can't your mum know you're skint? I mean not details but just say 'i can't afford that holiday- maybe next time'.

Tell your mum you are saving and stop the frivolous appointments.

Do not under any circumstance stop your pension payments.

Can you access a credit union?

You can tell your mum you’re stopping nails and holidays without asking her to risk her own home to bail you out again.

I find your insistence that you’re somehow compelled to keep spending money you don’t have on things you don’t need and can’t afford very confusing. Likewise thinking it’s at all acceptable for your mum to have saved your arse more than once, never mind again now. You’re 40 years old for goodness sake. Your poor mum.

All of the above, plus DO NOT talk to your Mum about equity release. That’s an awful pressure to put on her when it’s your spending thats the problem. Equity release seldom makes financial sense in the long run.

Can you list your take home income and fixed outgoings ie bills, insurance, debt repayments etc, plus what you spend on things like food, take aways, fuel, books - whatever you spend on. Perhaps people can advise on options.

@ToKittyornottoKitty Her answer to everything in life has been to throw money at the situation (partly where my issues come from). Our relationship is very fractious at the moment which is why I wouldn't want to upset her further.

@Hairissueshelp but they will presumably set the payment at whatever leaves me with the absolute bare minimum to live off won't they? And in those years I can't re-mortgage to a better deal, sort out my car finance, etc?

@bigboykitty I've never extended the term of my mortgage so the house will eventually be paid off in the time planned and I don't plan on ever being in as much debt that I need to use the house sale for debts...I really am learning my lesson here. I'm paying for treatment because it's partly my mental health problems that have gotten me into this mess (not an excuse) and I have exhausted everything available to me on the NHS. My spending has long been linked to poor self esteem, cheering myself up, etc. so improving my MH overall should help

@ForLoveNotMoney Some of it has been yes, see my other posts in terms of MH issues and my reply to bigboykitty above. A big chunk of the debt has been high interest on smaller debts, but also I've done a lot of work on my house since I moved in and that has been one disaster after another - walls caving in, appliances breaking, etc.

@Nickyknackered Because she knows how much I earn and so would be questioning where the money was going instead...

@Nimblethimble How would a credit union help - I thought that was for small debts?

I'll share my budget below but I'm genuinely just looking for advice on one of these four options, regardless of how unwise they might be. I am cutting back in some areas but yes appreciate that it sounds pathetic - but for example I had six holidays last year, this year it's two - a week and then three days for my 40th.

Income: £3231

Outgoings: TV/Internet £64 (includes YouTube which I use for meditation)
Gas/Electric: £119
Mortgage: £811
Pet Insurance: £15
Gym: £52 (no other gyms in my town offer Pilates so it's cheaper than £10+ a class - also beneficial for my MH)
Car Tax/Insurance: £58
Loans/Credit Cards: £1352
Water: £31
Account Fee: £12
Council Tax: £115
Tumble Dryer (interest free credit): £16
Phone Bill: £31
Readly: £13
Prescription/Dental/Therapy: £96

= £2785

Salary should go up to £3300 in April and £3500 in October. Sounds great but my car payment is £289 which I will shortly need to start paying out of my wages.