What do I do?

[DontTellMeToTakeInIroning]

Let me preface by saying I entirely accept that this is all my own fault and I hold my hands up. I am in debt. A lot of debt. I'll estimate it's around £50k. Largely interest on previous loans/credit cards which were ran up because I have a compulsive spending habit.... holidays, clothes, beauty treatments, etc. I earn well so it's been largely manageable - but now it all feels like just too much. An example is that I wrote my previous car off and ended up with a car on PCP (two years in) - I have been using the pay out I got in insurance for the monthly payments but this will run out soon as I'll need to find an extra £289 a month.

I will point out that I have a complicated relationship with my mum, who has bailed me out a couple of times already over the years - I've always paid her back the full amount. I have a bit of a front to keep up with her to stop her knowing the situation I'm in as I don't want to alert her to it e.g. suddenly stop going on holiday with her, stop nail appointments, etc.

I currently earn £54k a year which will go up to £56k soon and £62k after October. But I am single so solely responsible for the home and all bills - the house has approx. £50k equity and mortgage is due for renewal in October, but I'm not convinced about borrowing more with my credit rating. I am looking for a second job but already work around 50 hours a week in my main role. I can't take in a lodger, move house, or take in ironing.

My options are:

1. Come out of the work pension scheme until I am more financially stable - but I'm 40 now and can't guarantee how long that might be
2. Struggle on until October and hope that I can re-mortgage - although I can't borrow enough to pay everything off and it will kill my credit rating even more if they turn me down
3. Get a secured loan now via a broker - see above (and yes I'm aware it should only be done for home improvements but needs must)
4. Confess all to my mum and ask for help - she has no mortgage and I'm an only child so I would possibly suggest equity release but I'm scared to even flag it up...

If it helps I have 21 years left on the mortgage, and was always planning on selling up and travelling when I eventually retire - not taking any money with me when I go!

I suppose Option 5 might be worth a suggestion... join OF???? (I have to laugh or I'll cry). But plenty of people have actually suggested it and said I'd make a killing... 😂

I know it’s not much but I think most public libraries have a digital service - I use BorrowBox and Libby. Magazines and newspapers are available as well as books. Absolutely free. That would save your Readly subscription. Please don’t stop paying into your pension. Ask your mum for help. If she says no, well that’s the time to consider your other options.

You need specialist debt advice, start with the CAB or consider charities like Step Change. Don't borrow your way out of this. Also you need to drop the front, you need to face up to your debt not live beyond your means. Sorry OP, I know how worried you must be.

Step change. They helped my son enormously when he was drowning in debt

How is it you could ask your mum for money but can't tell her that you are in debt and need to economise?

I was going to ask if you had considered ADHD. My daughter has recently started medication, we're really hoping it will be life changing for her. Are you paying a lot of interest on your debt at the moment? I know it's not generally recommended to get a loan if you have issues with overspending but personally getting the interest as low as possible would be my priority. Have you heard of snowballing?

MoneySavingExpert forums are really good for things like this, I think there's a debt free board.

This. Get help from free debt services.

With a low'ish mortgage relative to your income you should be able to build a plan to pay off the debt.

Tell your mum, you are prioritising paying off mortgage and pension, if you really can't face telling her the truth.

Don't get into more debt to pay debt.

@DontTellMeToTakeInIroning
I think you need to sit and re-read your opening post as if it was someone else writing it.
If you are working on yourself, hopefully you will see that none of the suggestions you have there are you solving the issue. They are you moving money/ borrowing elsewhere, so you don't have to sort the issue.

I know it must be hard to be upfront with your mum, but you can't afford holidays, or new cars, or manicures, or new clothes at the moment. You are in debt to the tune of £50,000. You need to go speak to step change or similar and change your lifestyle.
It will be shit. Your mum will know. But otherwise it's all going to come and bite you on the arse and you could end up losing your home.

Can’t believe posters are suggesting you ask your Mum for more money. It hasn’t worked in the past has it? To be honest, getting more money isn’t the solution if you dont tackle the overspending. Even if you go on a DMP you have to spend within your new limits. This is the root of the problem that you have to seek help for.

Stop blaming your mum, unless she has physically forced you to spend £50 k on nails and holidays. Take responsibility and take some of the advice you have been offered on here. I'm being harsh I know but you don't seem willing to make any changes.

I get that you would be embarrassed to tell your mum that you need to cut back.

But seriously, you cannot afford to spend £1300 a month on salving your pride.

Can you post your monthly income and expenditure? We need to help you budget. Its the only way out of this.
Continuous borrowing is not the answer, its snowballing in interest.

OP has already posted this!

Keep the cats
ditch everything else - tv ,phone , pet insurance , gym , car ( since you work from home you don’t need it?)

so you can pay off at say 15k a year ( so all
pay rises as well as every possible savings )

you would be clear of debt in less than 4 years !

Citizens Advice are a brilliant free and independent charity that can support you with debt.
Here’s their webpage if you want to have a look or you can google your local Citizens Advice branch and they will have drop in sessions or you can call and make an appointment to talk to a debt adviser.
Citizens Advice debt and money page

@Ophy83 that would have to involve confessing and grovelling, she'd obviously have to Keep the cats

@itsthetea I need my phone for work, and I work in the office 1-2 days a week on some weeks so would need a car as it's not accessible via public transport for the hours I work. Also why on earth would I give up the pet insurance when vet's bills are so high? The examples you give would save £400 a month at best, hardly £15k a year!

I should probably add as well (and sorry to drip feed) I have had a previous problem with alcohol. But unlike a lot of addicts happy drinking cheap cider (my deceased father for example but that's a whole other story) it would be wine - 1-2 bottles a night at sometimes, £12-£13 a go... I never really realised how much of the debt that was until I really thought about it

Have any of the suggestions on this thread struck a chord OP? Are you going to consider them?

You have to give up stuff that hurts or as a PP said you will lose everything - you seem oblivious to the risk you run - how will you work and look after cats when you have no home?

and I’ll lay odds that you could get to and from work without the car even if it’s hard - if you are remote talk to the postie or school bus people or a neighbour for lifts - it’s not impossible a taxi 2 days a week to the bus stop would be cheaper than a car

I already am trying them. It's not sustainable which is why I asked for specific advice on those options.

Not a solution to the debt but can you get an ACCESS To Work assessment re your autism and see if the NHS will then fund coaching to teach you skills around managing your autism.

Much more sustainable than the ideas you have.

There was a poster yesterday floating unrealistic ideas about debt consolidation and ignoring all help and suggestions. Are you the same poster?

@Nickyknackered No I've never posted about my money situation before

All I will say is that if one of my adult children suggested I take out equity release to pay off their debts - I’d laugh and refuse point blank. You need to spend less, a lot less. That’s it. Otherwise you will end up losing your home in the end.

Wouldn't count on your mum's inheritance - she might have spent all of her money on her expensive lifestyle before she goes!