I can't claim any further benefits because of husbands income, but i dont have access to his money

[Worriedmum029337]

Im sure this is a common situation and I know the government can't really do anything about it or help. But just because you are married does not mean that everyone's finances are shared out.

I have found myself disabled and unable to carry on working. I have been able to claim new style esa which is roughly £350 a month. This is because I've paid enough national insurance for past 2 years but they will only pay me for 12 months. Im halfway through that time and yet to even have to medical assessment which if passed would mean its indefinitely at roughly £550 a month. Ive heard its very hard to pass this assessment tho.
In addition to this I have been awarded pip. Full mobility and lower daily life which is £603 per month. In total I am currently getting £953 roughly per month. I am grateful for this but this does not cover my Outgoings and will also end in 6 months if i dont pass the medical assessment.

I cannot apply for universal credit top up because I am married. My husband earns ok but he keeps all of his money for himself after paying his side of the bills. I don't have access to his money and he won't give me any access. Meaning I am getting in debt by a minimum of 500 a month. My mum has been helping me when she can but cant give me that all the time.

I am thinking about separating from my husband as I would actually be better off financially by a long way!!

Women are always the ones to suffer in these situations. It doesnt matter if your married to millionaire , you may not have access to that money.

Im starting to feel like I am going to have to go back to work regardless even though I am in agony daily and its a degenerative condition

But she is ill and in pain and cannot work.
so are a lot of people, but she hasn't explained enough of how much she is in pain and can't work!

Not that surprised that some would rather OP was financially abused than being able to get more benefits by divorcing.

I said you sounded bitter, not that you necessarily were bitter. It's not about 'knowing' anything. But I think you are.

How do you propose OP should survive in this scenario, then?

I sounds like you need to divorce, but given that your disability is such that you cannot work, would you be able to look after your DC on your own or would you need to move in with a family member to help you? I don’t think this is as straightforward as LTB.

Why can’t you accept what OP says? Just take it at face value. If she says she’s too ill to work, she’s too ill to work. She wouldn’t be getting ESA if she was well enough to work. Would you demand proof of people’s medical history if you weren’t behind a keyboard?

Why does she need to?

As society and the law intends, as a couple. The OP already has nearly £1k a month unearned income and has said she has 30 years until retirement. With inflation, that will be around half a million pounds in benefits. Meanwhile, her husband has enough money to support them as a unit. As he should. Marrying an arse shouldn't be a gateway to benefits.

Oh better to be abused than get government help? Lovely.

He isn't supporting them though so what else do you think she should do?

But that’s not happening. He’s not supporting her. So what next?

Give her a million pounds?

The OP doesn't ask for advice, she gave her opinion. I've given mine which is that is not society's role to subsidise a household because one partner doesn't want to share.

I was asking you what you think should happen next, not the OP. It’s called a conversation.

The law absoloutly does NOT intend that an individual who is disabled and being financially abused by their spouse should be solely reliant on that abusive spouse.

I suggest you avail yourself of thd relevant laws.

Its people like you with your dirty opinions that make it even harder for abuse survivors to get away and move on.

Is this even real?

The OP hasn't been back. They conveniently also haven't said what their disability it. Why hide it given the intimate details they have given of their finances?

If real, whilst it could be true that the OP is being financially abused, it could also be true that she has a degenerative illness which might meant that she has to stop working early . It might be that she has overegged her pain to get some benefits just not enough to pay her way. In that scenario the OPs husband would be right to say, I am not funding your choice to not work because it is causing financial harm to our family unit.

Many times women have come on here to say theur husband is suffering from 'x' but won't make any effort with treatment or to work full time / do the work they can do. They are being left to carry the family and they are exhausted financially abd emotionally. The first thing people say is LTB.

She shouldn't be obligated to stay with him if he's financially abusing her. If his financial abuse puts her in a position she can't live she should divorce him. Because it's abuse and women shouldn't stay in abusive relationships.

If this means she then becomes dependent on the state that's fine by me. That's the purpose of benefits. To help people who need it at their lowest ebb.

Otherwise what is the point in benefits? Who are they actually for? Or do you think all benefits should just be cut?

Honestly if you don't think a disabled woman who is unable to work and is escaping an abusive relationship shouldn't get benefits who do you think should?

The key point is that she needs to leave her husband. She shouldn't get benefits whilst she's in the financially abusive relationship because she isn't eligible for them. Rightly so.

The benefits system shouldn't be asked to fund financially abusive men.

I agree with this. From what you said in an earlier post, it sounds like you might be able to manage part time? That will give you time to rest as well as earning your own income.

Then maybe you can afford a divorce solicitor.

Not really - she said later on “I DON’T WANT to go back to work” which suggested she possibly could.

If you look through her posts you’ll find it.

Would you demand proof of people’s medical history if you weren’t behind a keyboard?
If I'm paying for them to get benefits , then yes too darned right I would.

Clearly you're angry, but taking it out on the OP who is disabled, in great pain most days,
she hasn't been clear about what exactly this is. It also sounded to me as if she doesn't really want to work.

because she's coming with the begging bowl without clarifying that there are no jobs she would be able to do.

Why does she need to?
because there are other people working, when they themselves are struggling to get through the day, who are having to pay for the Op. That's why.

To some extent that's irrelevant. The point is that the OP is married to a man who doesn't understand what marriage is and that its assets (his wages, his house etc) are joint assets, belonging to both.