I can't claim any further benefits because of husbands income, but i dont have access to his money

[Worriedmum029337]

Im sure this is a common situation and I know the government can't really do anything about it or help. But just because you are married does not mean that everyone's finances are shared out.

I have found myself disabled and unable to carry on working. I have been able to claim new style esa which is roughly £350 a month. This is because I've paid enough national insurance for past 2 years but they will only pay me for 12 months. Im halfway through that time and yet to even have to medical assessment which if passed would mean its indefinitely at roughly £550 a month. Ive heard its very hard to pass this assessment tho.
In addition to this I have been awarded pip. Full mobility and lower daily life which is £603 per month. In total I am currently getting £953 roughly per month. I am grateful for this but this does not cover my Outgoings and will also end in 6 months if i dont pass the medical assessment.

I cannot apply for universal credit top up because I am married. My husband earns ok but he keeps all of his money for himself after paying his side of the bills. I don't have access to his money and he won't give me any access. Meaning I am getting in debt by a minimum of 500 a month. My mum has been helping me when she can but cant give me that all the time.

I am thinking about separating from my husband as I would actually be better off financially by a long way!!

Women are always the ones to suffer in these situations. It doesnt matter if your married to millionaire , you may not have access to that money.

Im starting to feel like I am going to have to go back to work regardless even though I am in agony daily and its a degenerative condition

Are you married? If not....
Do you have wills? Power of attorney for each other?
When one of you dies have you prepared for the possibility of an inheritance tax bill?
If you became unable to work, needed time off, illness would you support each other or tell the other one to piss off.
I guess I have a marriage where all of the money/property is 'ours'.

Personally I think that if the government wants to view spouses income as combined for benefits purposes, then income tax should follow the same lines (so a married couple where one earns £80k would pay the same tax as two people earning £40k each).

However, I have no idea why anyone would marry but keep their finances separate. Marriage isn't just a public declaration of love, it's a legal arrangement that means money and assets are (largely) shared.

Your husband sounds like a dick. How can he watch you struggle due to disability whilst he keeps his earnings to himself?

Of course it’s unfair and archaic. It is forcing the vulnerable person into a dependency dynamic where the partner has all the power with the potential to financially abuse the person who for whatever reason they need the support.
a person with a debilitating degenerative condition is likely to be vulnerable in one way or another whether it’s fatigue or pain / medication impacting their cognitive abilities or mental capacity etc.
it is archaic because up until relatively recently a woman could not make any financial decisions or have a mortgage etc without the husband’s permission.
this system absolutely puts people in that position if they don’t have a decent and reasonable partner or spouse, as this thread from Op has evidenced.
our welfare system is absolutely there to support those less able to support themselves.
unfortunately for you, this is the system you were born into and contribute to if you pay taxes.
You also take out from this same system if you use the NHS, have children in state school etc. and you may very well need that system yourself one day should you need longer term care or become ill or disabled.
It is not fair to say just divorce or put up with it.
divorcing isn’t a straightforward process and neither is finding accommodation when you are in receipt of benefits.
divorce plans are often a trigger for escalation of abuse

Divorce and finding a new home doesn’t happen overnight and that waiting just prolongs the dependency on a potentially abusive ’partner’ , so surely it would be safer for an assessment which is individual to each couple and the claimant to have an award which takes into consideration the individual circumstances and have an award matching that of a single person?

The system is rooted in a ‘male breadwinner’ model.
it assumes fairness inside households , doesnt account for power imbalances.
its known to disproportionately harm women, disabled people, and carers as well as other vulnerable groups .
it removes financial independence, autonomy and protection from economic abuse

The law hasnt caught up with reality and anyone who is claiming benefits or works in and around these systems and with vulnerable groups and domestic abuse support services would know this.

the system is structurally unfair, we need safeguards against abuse and coercion and a major welfare reform, which we all know .
it’s widely recognised that policy is no longer rooted in reality.

First reply nails or and having been in this situation vaguely, you will definitely be better off financially alone than married. Good luck OP.

I never understand how people choose to marry arseholes like this. I know this sounds harsh but you’ve enabled this.

Me & my husband don’t share finances, we never have.
He pays for nearly everything, I pay 1 bill a month.
My money is to do with what I please, I do save a majority of my income and it goes towards our holidays, which we have 4 holidays a year and we pay for 2 each .

Divorce him - the useless arse.

Does he not recall the 'in sickness and in health' part of your vows?
Im sorry lovely but this man does not love you, he resents you. His behaviour is despicable, he is letting his diabled wife go into debt! What a tiny pathetic man.
You have one life lovely, please find your courage and leave this POS.

But presumably if for some reason one of you needed financial help then you would help each other out - not leave them to suffer and struggle?

Also i think any solicitor worth their salt would fight for him to pay for half the debt in a divorce seeing as it was accrued due to his financial abuse

Yes!
it doesn’t sound like the OP has even discussed her debt with her husband though

If she hasn't hopefully after reading this thread she will.

I am married and make sure that I can always manage without the need to rely on anybody else. I don’t ’need’ my husband, I am with him because I want to be, not because of what I can get out of him and certainly not because of money as I am financially independent and have things in place should anything happen. I can provide for myself and my kids without burdening or relying on a man.

Kick him to the kerb

Ok so we are looking at a couple of different issues here

First off, your DH is a cunt.

When you marry, its a legal binding agreement - richer or poorer, sickness and in health

Its a legal binding agreement, what's yours is his and vice versa

So I get that you are ill , chronic condition, that's probably going to get worse over time, I get that I really do.

However you can not afford to live on what tax payers are funding

That's no ones fault other then your husbands , and perhaps yourself , because you have blithely gone into a 50/50 split, with no thought about percentages of money coming in

Me and DH have had a checkered history of who earns what and pays for. When we got together it was I who was cash poor , but had a stable home. He was cash rich

Over the years we have upped and downed. I had a complete breakdown in 1998, he was the earner, he gave me a card to his account. When I felt well enough to start working very part time. I had my wages paid into my account and still used his to pay the basics - mine paid a meal out, take out, new clothes

He never once commented on what was coming out of his joint account. Bills needed paying

The one thing we have always done is been honest about money. He was struggling there last year, I had the money to pay off his loan, hes now saving heavily and we are in a better posistion to where we were a year ago.

My problem with your post - and replies - are rather then tackling your husband, you are thinking divorce and letting the taxpayer ( me ) pay for you to live the life you want

Already you get a grand a month in benefits , three years ago , after a work place accident that had me on the sofa for 3 months, I was on £94 a week - sick money. My DH stepped up and paid the bills and he still does now I can only work part time

Everything is OURS. Any loans are serviced with who has the money. Days out are paid by whoever. We dont do 50/50 ever. I might pay flights, he pays accommodation, we both pay what we can afford and me being the lower earner, I pay less , when I was the higher earner Id pay the more

Your problem isn't the amount of money that you are getting from the tax payer, your problem is your financial aragements that you have allowed

This is a DH (dickhead husband) problem IMO. You’re getting benefits but he should be helping you. Get rid of the prick.

I am sorry you are married to a prick OP. I would be preparing to leave him and trying to get what you deserve when divorcing. He should be stepping up and helping you out with bills now you can’t work.

Sorry it’s taking so long for you assessment, my dd is disabled and has been waiting since June for a work assessment and I have heard of some having to wait 18+ months.

But - totally unlikely but could happen - if you lost your job and your bank account was hacked and all your money was gone and you were literally penniless.... would your husband help you financially or would he shrug his shoulders and go "oh well never mind"?

Yawn 🥱…..yet another benefit basher. Let’s hope you never become sick and unable to work. The price of everything has gone up, guessing OP pays half her rent or mortgage, half the electric, gas’s, council tax, phone/internet, water, food and other extras. Plus she now needs things to aid her disability, maybe she can no longer get around/drive? She may now need a cleaner as her husband is a useless twat. Do you think the £900 will cover all of that? What should OP do? Live on rice in a cold house because tax payers shouldn’t have to pay for her to have the basics?

Maybe that's what he's thinking.

This!

Fuck you - I was sick - and did claim - and have got myself fit enough to work 20 hours a week and dont claim a single penny

MY DH has had to step up

It's called a partnership

Im not benefit bashing at all, unless you are calling me out for saying that the OP shouldn't be looking at divorcing because her husband is a tight cunt, but she's looking to divorce him cos she would be better off on benefits

I was with a man like this. He took great delight in my financial plight, which was due to maternity leave with his child and then returning to work PT to save on childcare costs. He enjoyed that essentially he was able to control me. Once I split up with him my child and I were much better off financially.

And, as another poster observed, that wasn’t the only kind of abuse - if you really think about it I bet there’s another kind of abuse going on in your relationship.

the govt doesn’t allow separate claims for married couples because the assumption is that you’ll pool resources. Your problem is your DH not the govt.

Oh honey you have a massive DH issue right here. This isn't a marriage - this is a lodger situation. Time to move the bills into his name. I'm astounded that he expects you to go into debt every month to pay half the household bills when you cannot work. I could maybe get on board with his stance if you just decided you wanted to be a lady of leisure but this is ridiculous. Tell him to wind his neck in or you are through and he will lose more in that arrangement than paying extra for the household. Also time to tot up what you have spent on the kids that he hasn't given half of to you and stick that in his pipe and let him smoke it. A marriage is a partnership in health and in sickness. You might want to remind him of that. Good luck and hope you get better soon 💞

Of course benefits should be dependent on household income. Otherwise potentially you could get a SAHM with a dh on a six figure salary being able to get benefits if she gets disabled. Tbh, if you split you won’t necessarily be able to support yourself financially.