I can't claim any further benefits because of husbands income, but i dont have access to his money

[Worriedmum029337]

Im sure this is a common situation and I know the government can't really do anything about it or help. But just because you are married does not mean that everyone's finances are shared out.

I have found myself disabled and unable to carry on working. I have been able to claim new style esa which is roughly £350 a month. This is because I've paid enough national insurance for past 2 years but they will only pay me for 12 months. Im halfway through that time and yet to even have to medical assessment which if passed would mean its indefinitely at roughly £550 a month. Ive heard its very hard to pass this assessment tho.
In addition to this I have been awarded pip. Full mobility and lower daily life which is £603 per month. In total I am currently getting £953 roughly per month. I am grateful for this but this does not cover my Outgoings and will also end in 6 months if i dont pass the medical assessment.

I cannot apply for universal credit top up because I am married. My husband earns ok but he keeps all of his money for himself after paying his side of the bills. I don't have access to his money and he won't give me any access. Meaning I am getting in debt by a minimum of 500 a month. My mum has been helping me when she can but cant give me that all the time.

I am thinking about separating from my husband as I would actually be better off financially by a long way!!

Women are always the ones to suffer in these situations. It doesnt matter if your married to millionaire , you may not have access to that money.

Im starting to feel like I am going to have to go back to work regardless even though I am in agony daily and its a degenerative condition

This sounds more like flat mates than spouses.

This is financial abuse. You need proper legal advice - go to CAB as a starting point.

I am thinking about separating from my husband as I would actually be better off financially by a long way!!

Yup. That's your choice. Stark, but simple.

You seem more like housemates than a married couple. What a nasty, selfish man he is. He isn’t even sympathetic to your disability! He might as well be a stranger.

You need to separate formally, so you can at least start claiming Universal Credit, and then start the divorce process.

Wishing you all the very best for a much happier future.

I’m absolutely gobsmacked that you think the problem here is the government and not your miserly husband, why should taxpayers subsidise your family?

It’s an absolutely archaic system that means your claim amount is dependent on the higher income partner. It’s so unfair on everyone but even worse when your partner/ spouse doesn’t treat you as an equal in the partnership.
i suggest you seek legal advice, go to citizens advice regarding support with your debt and your access to household money.
you can get thirty minutes free from lots of solicitors where you can discuss your potential next steps with regards to splitting if that’s what you choose to do.
You Have stated you no longer want to work and feel better without it but is that because of the actual work you did or because you are genuinely unable to work at all?
lots of people write themselves off when they have health conditions and many people do work with pain and mobility issues and degenerative conditions (me being one of them).
I have had to completely change the work I do and the way I work and I try to get work from home as far as possible.
not necessarily for your current relationship, but for you, could you consider a different type of work from whatever you did before?
so that you do have some financial independence but one where you are not compromising your health further?

Divorce him and then you can claim half of his money/assets.

How is it unfair or archaic? Do you really think every married person should get to have their partners income discounted and be treated as a single person when calculating benefits?

Surely if your partner refuses to support you at all through something like this the answer is to leave or (if you can/want to ) get a job.

Why is this down to the benefits system to sort out? Her husband is financially abusive and she herself has stated she would be better off on her own. So there’s her answer.

Claim child benefit. He will have to repay it via his tax return but it is your money.

Why are you staying with a man who knows about your condition but is happy to let you get into debt?
He is disgusting and you’d be better off without him on every level.

This talk about if you don’t work then you can’t sustain yourself without going out to work is nonsense.

Mentally and physically friend will never work again. But she has a house that has no mortgage. Children are all grown up and have their own lives.
Her outgoings are very little and are mainly covered by her disability benefits but for the small amount that wasn’t covered, friend put her house to use and with little to no physical effort from her covered the shortfall

There are ways of “working” without going out and getting a full or even part time job.
With friend we sat down with her and went through every single bill she needed to cover in a year and what income she had from her disability benefits in a year and then got the difference down to what she needed to bring in to break even each week/day
Doing it as a daily figure meant it wasn’t so overwhelming that she would just give up.

This is a shocking situation OP. But it's not the government or the benefits system at fault here.
Your husband is a really unpleasant selfish ass. He wants you to go back to work whatever the consequences for you. That is not love or partnership sadly. You would be better off in all senses on your own. Then you can be financially stable and go back into some kind of work hopefully when you are well enough.
There is no point hanging around in your marriage , he is not a keeper x

Agree divorce - this goes for any man that won’t go joint account.

I should add, he sounds unkind.
I ended a relationship because I was with someone who was a high earner, spent money like water on expensive things and I noticed he let his adult child struggle on benefits and was resentful about helping financially.
i have longterm disability and receive benefits as well as working and I thought if we ever live together he is hundred percent the type to keep his income to himself and potentially watch me struggle on a pittance , as I’d also lose money if we lived together.
I felt it would be like the prince and the pauper if we lived together and I didn’t want to risk losing my independence further where I’m already compromised by my condition

You are not in a marriage, you are in a house share.

This is a financially abusive relationship. If you divorce you may well be in a better position. Can you see a solicitor?

Nothing more sinister and odious than men who hoard their income and make it disappear on stupid crap rather than helping their wife and family. You will be far better off leaving OP -- I'm in a similar position to you and that's what I'm working on doing.

I still don’t understand marriages without shared finances. Neither does the government as that’s why you can’t get any further benefits.

He entered the marriage knowing you were workin. You’re not now & he isn’t prepared to change his lifestyle so you need to protect yours. File for divorce, seek legal advice about forcing a sale of the house so he can’t mess you around about that, and make sure he pays all the child support you’re owed

Bring back traditional marriage vows…

’to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.’

you sound like two people house sharing & not a partnership. He should be looking after you, taking on the burden when you can not.

whats the point in being married to this man.

rarely see a post on here where the man actually gives a flying about their wife/partner and kids

It's actually worse than being in a house share, because if you're in a house share your benefits entitlement isn't restricted by your housemates' salaries

True. She should have dumped this man years ago.

I completely agree.

When I lost my job I received a similar amount in benefits as a single parent.
Thats to pay 100% of the bills too.

Why is it fair that you receive the same amount but only pay 50% of the bills but think the government should give you more money.

Every couple would claim separate finances and it would be ridiculous.

You are married, so you either share finances or you separate.

You can’t have your cake and eat it too.

This man does not like or respect you and you say you’ll be better off without him - so it’s a no brainer.

He is just watching you struggle?! Its an easy answer. Just leave.

My heart goes out to you, I have always felt the welfare system's policy of forcing a person who has fallen on hard times to depend financially on another adult without any compulsion on that person to provide any support is a charter for domestic abuse.

I am also disabled (life altering brain injury at 34) and lost my career which was just on the cusp of starting to pay well.

I would say without a word of hesitation you need to leave this person as soon as you can. Anyone who would callously watch their disabled spouse struggling and going into debt for basic needs whilst they live comfortably does not love, respect or care about you.

That's not a marriage - what if it had happened to him instead? Can you imagine for a moment watching him scrape by on benefits whilst you lived large with your salary?

One other thing I would say, and apologies if it isn't relevant to you but did you have any kind of pension through your employer?

I found out purely by chance sitting chatting to a woman on a train whilst travelling to a hospital appointment that I could apply for my NHS pension early on ill health grounds, which nobody had ever told me, and which I did successfully apply for and receive, which has been life saving.

I suspect far more people have paid into pensions that could be accessed on ill health grounds having become permanently disabled than know about it.

If you separate your husband may also be compelled to pay you some kind of alimony.