House Hold Income 85K a month net

[cripplinglyalone]

My house hold income is 85k a month net. I am money rich but support /family poor. AMA.

@cripplinglyalone you sound so lonely in your marriage. Do you really need this man in your life?

Sounds like you need some deeper friendships that are probably not work related, so you don’t feel so lonely. It must be hard as I imagine work takes up a lot of time. Is there something you could do to build up a good friendship group ? Something simple

OP, i hope you are okay. I guess this time of year brings all the feels out and if you ever need a chat, im sure posting in here you will get a response x

Haha. In tech, there is no glitz and glam. Very very smelly men in tatty tshirts. There are lots of us in first and business class these days and the snooty prada clad love to give the 'yooou don't belong heeere' stares.
It can be a very fun flex not advertising weath, turning up in my noisy old car and then handing over a giant cheque at the charity event, the judgemental mouths drop open.

Ignore. People can only respond to their own level of knowledge.

Can't you just buy in some company?

How ridiculous.

Thanks so much. I made my account here a few years ago (a bit less income I think) and called it cripplingly alone and bleated on about similar, so I think I am just a hopeless care. Jesus I am annoyed at my own sadsack replies here, I sound like eeyore. But thanks, there are gems on here among the snipers.

I know a lady just like you. She's on a $1m salary and has been on high 6-figures for 10 years, so she's very rich. Her kids are adults, she divorced her cold unsupportive husband, and she moved to my city for work.
She is enormously successful in her career, and very likable and charismatic. But she is so deeply alone. Nobody here except me knows about her terrible childhood, she is very ashamed of it. Everyone thinks she's a privileged silvertail. She doesn't trust anyone at all except me, and a couple of very old friends who live in another country. She told me she lives in constant fear of things going wrong, even though she could stop working today and never worry about money.

I sometimes envy her her beautiful home where nobody bothers her, her giant cushion of money, and her ability to fly first class to visit her children and friends or pay for them to visit her. But i wouldn't really swap places with her. I feel desperately sorry for her as she's one of the most emotionally deprived people I know.
This is in sympathy OP. Do you go to therapy? This lady does and it's really helping her deal with her childhood.

This resonates! He's had a normal (in terms of financial) upbringing and he doesn't naturally gravitate to some of the people who are also wealthy. Or their pursuits.

He came home the other day for an unplanned weekend and he just wanted my shit machine coffee and egg and chips. And to sleep in his tiny box room bedroom. He went back to his world refreshed and happy and counting down the days to Christmas!

Tears pricked my eyes here. I was told I made life worse as a kid. All my life. Told I was dumb and bad and evil and wrong. I a not. I have had some therapy but these are my deep, deep scars. Solitude is safe. No one can hurt me if I never let them near. . Bloody love your kids people, abuse maims for life.

You sound like a safe and loving Mum. You are doing it so right. Sending hugs

Lend us a fiver 😂

Do you think you 'earn' or 'deserve' your high salary, say compared to surgeons and other highly skilled professions.

I get why you put your income at the front of your post, but I genuinely don’t care how much you make, but I am happy for you, it’s a fantastic income.
What I would say is that you come across as really depressed/traumatised, whatever the term is.
So how about we look at that for a minute.
Have you thought about having therapy? Becoming a recluse, having the thoughts you’re having… that’s not good. I reckon your post is a cry for help.
We’re here, you can say whatever you need to say, we’ll listen and advise you the best we can.
Edited to correct myself, I read it as AMA, sorry.

You can be poor and still have no family support, no one to love you or your child , no family or friends for your Child to sleep over at

and your child be an only as you can’t have more children,

the worry is still there if they will grow lonely or not due to your own family circumstances

having or not having money doesn’t make or take any of that circumstance away

I know a couple who bought a run down property in Puglia. It's not a financially wealthy area, rural farming. Their wealth is in the family she said having observed the family set up. Three generations living in one property. They've built on additions for their children when they married. A lot of the properties are like this. Extensions and annexes. But they are a happy bunch.

Maybe it's our climate. But it sounds good to me.

I definitely think you need to be thinking about you, what makes you happy. You sound like a great mum, aren’t taking your wealth for granted yet the sadness comes through. Look at your marriage for starters, are you just his meal ticket?

I really do wish you well, OP, and I encourage you to spend some of your hard-earned on ongoing therapy. The right therapist is someone who you will feel safe letting in. You going to therapy is one of the best things you can do for your own children.

Hey, i know how you feel. I had escape abusive partner, and dont have supoirtive family at most time very toxic and abusive childhood.. No one asks to have my kids over, or dotes over the kids the way I have doted over my nieces and newphews. I have spent one day away from my eldest purely cause I was giving birth. I am exhausted. But the only difference bwteen you and me, you are very lucky to have the financially side of things, it helps. My ex left me whrn i wad pregnant, and Im financialky struggling since. Been homeless, have ti fight for the council to support me, in temp placement completely far away from the very little support i had. on an apprentice right now working long hours for little pay, and i miss my kids. But i am grateful that Im no longer in a abusive relationship, that im healing, im blessed cause my kids are healthy, as hard as it i try to see the any positivity cause I have in been worst situation, so the very little i had is better than before. But im exhausted, and wish i had resources like you have, as it would make my life easier and i would love to give the pppurtonites that money provide to my kids. I understand how you feel, just try to see the light, and understand the blood is not thicker. Try to make friends from hobbies or clubs, gym, even one deep friend will make a difference, enjoy your kids and spend making beautiful memories with them. Cut back some hours from your work

I hope you find a way to find the live, connection and contentment you need. You are right, it’s priceless. You can’t buy your way out of loneliness.

For various reasons, mostly where we live and DH’s job, we know some very rich people. Their wealth bears no correlation to their contentment. The happiest ones, without fail, are resolutely ‘normal.’ They are embedded in their community and families, don’t seek social advancement, are unsnobbish, intellectually and culturally curious, often have religious faith (DBIL makes a miserable millionaire but a really happy Quaker) and aren’t especially materialistic. People like this, rich or otherwise, make great friends and none of those qualities can be bought.

You sound like a good person. You know how random and fleeting material reward can be. And you also sound like a lovely mum.

OP you be enviably rich but you sound very grounded and appreciative of what you have, and concerned about others. You sound like a nice person. I’m sorry you haven’t managed to make many friends, I’m sure it would happen for you if you met like-minded people and showed them your true self.

I think you’d get a lot out of volunteering. My mum used to volunteer at her local hospice, then she set up a fundraising group, and she made some lovely (fairly rich!) friends through that.

You sound like a good person, OP. And you're right - money doesn't buy everything even if a lack of it can cause misery. Money affects how people react to you too, which is not always healthy. So you gain material reassurance but maybe still find the absence of connection with family and friends problematic.

A family member of mine lost his mother recently and subsequently inherited a life changing amount of money from another family member. He's become paranoid and rather vulnerable, sadly. I do fear for him as he is still very young. He needs support but is too scared to accept it or reach out for it.

You sound quite resilient in that you have made something of yourself and have created two little humans in your family. Where does that resilience come from? My partner faced a similar childhood and continues to struggle with the trauma.

And if you could have anything, anything at all, what would it be?

@cripplinglyalone Im going to reply to this as it’s a real post, even if the replies saying it’s fake are making me hesitant to do so.
But it’s an interesting ama.
I want to know -
Why arent you on weight loss injections? You sound miserable with your weight, get yourself some Mounjaro! If I could afford it I would. Get yourself a glow up ❤️

Are you based in London?

Thanks and I won't lie, soe of these kind responses have promted me to revisit my therapy journey. Thank you. Random outpour to bunch of strangers = surprisingly cathartic.
Kind words go a long long way when someone is down. Thank you

Haha I am very much on it, £307 a month. Still a chubster I am aftrain. And weight gain has to do with some of the solitude I am sure.

@cripplinglyalone

what keeps you up at night?

do you feel the pressure to conform to the beauty standards?

xx