House Hold Income 85K a month net

[cripplinglyalone]

My house hold income is 85k a month net. I am money rich but support /family poor. AMA.

Sending lots of love OP. It sounds like you've done incredibly well and should be proud of yourself. I also know exactly how you feel re loneliness. My childhood was horrific and even though I've done the right thing cutting out my abusive dad, the toll it takes on you emotionally is horrible sometimes. People don't realise how hard you have to work every single day to battle childhood trauma. But we keep showing up and breaking cycles for our kids, even though it's painful. Like another poster said, I'm here if you ever want to DM and talk.

You do have choices. It is one of the things your money buys you. I don’t mean to be horrible but have you considered that your lifestyle just might not suit you and actually if you made an escape plan, you could work for 3-6 months, save like hell, get out and go and live in a village somewhere beautiful and take some time out, do crafts, set up a small business ,get a dog, and chickens, follow the dream, actually spend time with your family and maybe do some charity work to make friends and build community. Obviously this is just an example, you might want to buy a boat and sail off… but I hope you get my point.

Senior director level, but without direct reports. Niche coding.

Why do you drive a noisy old car? Go and buy yourself a lovely one!!

Fair play for getting yourself into a great financial position.

Can I ask why, given you the monetary freedom you have, do you stay in a marraige that isn't working and making you happy?

More counselling is probably a good idea as it seems little will.change without it.

Thank you so much. Sorry you've lived this too. The worst reply when you cut them 'BUT IT'S YOUR DAAAD!!, BUT ITS YOUR FAAAAAMILY!' Yeah man, you're telling me.

What degree did you do? Are you board level now and if so how long to get there?

Can I ask did you start off with really fixed career goals? Or did you sort of fall into it? So did you go to uni and do a particular course because you knew what you wanted to do or become?

It's mad to think that there are people who make more than what to me would be a life-changing debt-clearing amount of money in a single week. But I know money can only buy you the components of happiness, not happiness itself. You're more than your income. Although few people are always happy, regardless.

No questions, just a bit of solidarity as I know how it feels to have little family support. You (the general 'you') have to build your own 'village', which is actually a very big ask on top of everything else.

MJ has been shown to make anxiety and depression worse in people who already suffer from it - so that’s probably not helping the way you’re feeling either x

I get it - I was really senior in private client before DC and had loads of clients like you (and was probably good at it as I was the same albeit not in the multi multimillions). For me my shit childhood came crashing back down on me when I had DC. I could pay for help and I do have good friends but nothing ever takes away the feeling you aren't good enough when your parents tell you that. If you've not tried to buy friends then well done you. DH and I have uni friends who earn insane amounts of money (and DH isn't poor as he is also in tech but we could never compare). We've always been really clear that you can invite us to come and pay our way or decline or you invite us to x and we'll invite you to y. I couldn't bear to sponge off friends.

If you want some IRL support who doesn't give a shit about your income to go for a walk with a Costa and sympathy and knowing what it is like in the depths of small DC them PM me.

Don't worry, I posted and then it all went a bit Christmas decorations crazy so I had to shelf. Bad AMA-er, first time AMA-ing anything haha.

I am sleepy now so my replies might dry up for tonight.

I have recieved a LOT of very kind replies here, more than I expected TBH, poor me, the whiny 'rich' woman 🙄

so anyone who reads this that takes the time to say nice things, it DOES make a difference. I hope you all get the little slice of happy karma you deserve.

Pesetas 😂😂

Everyone deserve love and friendship, 🌻💐@cripplinglyalone, but I agree that it's hard to find, and hard to trust, especially if you've had a difficult past.

I was severely bullied as a child, all through school, and it really does stay with you forever.

Congratulations on becoming successful, especially in what seems such a male dominated field, and having dc that you can love.

Unfortunately, poor health stemming from a serious accident put paid to my career, although I'd never have earnt that kind of money, lol, but I was blessed with a supportive and loving dh, which is worth its weight in gold, as I'm sure you'd agree. 🙂

I'm always wishing we'd win the euro jackpot, so that he can take it easy in his old age, and so that we can enjoy sharing our wealth with family, friends and good causes.

It's one of my favourite dreams that I have... always disappointing to wake up and realise it didn't really happen, though. 🤣

It's nice to hear that you give to good causes, too, as nowadays it often seems like people that have lots of money don't use it for good, which I don't understand.

EMDR therapy might be worth looking into for dealing with your past trauma. Good luck with everyone, and I truly hope you find happiness and support. 💐🙏🏼

85k a month. For real? How?

@Onlinebutoffline - just wanted to send hugs and support - for me it was severe PND that stymied my career but I was also so badly bullied as a child - pretty well everywhere including at home by my not so DM and by absolutely not at all DB. LIfe can be so so shit but yes we all deserve love and freindship and sometimes it just has to start by loving ourselves.

It is completely believable - my daughter is in a similar position, a very highly paid computer scientist in a very niche field

How do you choose which charities to support? My husband and I give regularly and annually review those we give to but ours is peanuts compared to yours. Do you have to think about it as much?

@cripplinglyalone I was a bit blindsided by the numbers in your original post and didn't notice your username. There's so much sadness in your replies and I'm sorry you feel as horribly alone as you do. You say you have some old, true, friends, I think that's true of many people to be honest. At the end of the day, there's only a few we can count on.

But you also seem to be really missing emotional intimacy and someone to cherish you. If I could give you any advice, it would be to be focus a little less on giving your children everything you didn't have, because you're clearly doing an amazing job with them, and put your own wellbeing first a bit. You dont sound terribly happy in your marriage and I wonder how much you use your wealth as a distraction?

You deserve happiness as well as security.

@cripplinglyalone sorry, just got to the post where someone else has recommended emdr therapy.
That'll teach me not to finish reading the entire thread before posting 🙄.
Unfortunately, once something's in my head, I have to get it written down before I forget, though 😆

OP, just to say you’ve been very good at responding on here and sound thoughtful, compassionate and careful. Money will always make people prickle (partly because often when we have it, we can forget how all encompassing it is not to have it).

It does strike me that therapy could be worthwhile again. It’s heartachingly hard to be lonely - and sometimes while it protect us from hurt, it also keeps us feeling hurt. I’m so glad there’s been people in your life that can send books and reach out - and sounds like your kids turn to you too (as well as others in the workplace). Maybe you need someone you can turn too?

I do get the envy that for others it’s family. But so many of us live away from family. Sometimes when we’re looking (in crowds) for connection, we’re most likely to miss-see scenarios too. I know I’ll always notice the granny’s and their kids on half term and wish mine had that. But…instead they’ve a safe home full of love and that’s (actually) what I’d have wished for when younger.

I wonder if you’ve ever heard of IFS (internal family systems) could sit alongside EMDR? (And is often accessible privately). It’s amazing to have such successful parts, but sounds like there’s also still a lot of worries you hold re financial stability, job security. Hope you can rest this eve and be kind to yourself. Money can’t buy happiness (and can make it harder) but it’s big advantage is it can help us have tools and access to support.

And maybe access to people that aren’t w**kers? lol-ing as I grew up with very little, had a small period where family were illusionary v wealthy (and I hated every second) and occasionally now for work/life get to be in those circles and feel the same ick.

so step out of it.find places to find your tribe.
Know others suggested volunteering in person. Could be useful, if you can take the luxury/risk of time to step back?

Want to say I’m impressed by your resilience and graft after childhood trauma and bereavement. Well done you

Hi OP, just wanted to say you sound like a wonderful caring person who has overcome so much to be where you are today. Be proud of yourself and live your best life with no regrets. You deserve it.

This sounds very real to me.

It’s sad you grew up being told you made the world worse. It seems you have done a huge amount of good in the world already, by not going off the rails, by having a lovely family and children, by doing a productive job and paying lots of tax.

I know none of that addresses the loneliness, but at least you should know you have already proved more than anyone needs to. And remember your husband is limited in ways of his own, and that’s because he’s human too.

I’m not religious myself, but there’s an old Christian idea that has sometimes comforted me, which is that for some people their nobility is in their melancholy. ie it’s not a flaw, but a characteristic or even a gift. To feel the way you feel and to continue to do and be quietly good is especially admirable.

Are you a Crypto Queen.