House Hold Income 85K a month net

[cripplinglyalone]

My house hold income is 85k a month net. I am money rich but support /family poor. AMA.

I agree with this. My wealthiest friend is from the east end and a bit of a geezer. Sharp as a tack.

Haha I love the careful feedback! I agree fully, in my circumstance, I guess its just rarer, becasue I am already shutting myself form society, my natural aquaintances are school mums at a normal, (non private) school, hairdresser etc, my physio, the old ladies in waitrose (love em). I am not social enough to be meeting the non flashy but equally wealthy type I guess. Lots of peope say join the country club/ golf club but they are not my bag, even when being sociable. Hope that makes sense.
Lots of suggestions here have given me the courage to at least consider ways of getting out there. Very grateful.

Oh and I saw your queston about not gelling with people. Honestly if I was reading this threat I would be asking the same. I love that saying 'if you meet an arsehole in the morning, you've met an arsehole. If you meet arseholes all day? You're the arsehole'
No, I really do make fleeting and genuine connections and consider myself good and safe company (when I am not in my head of course)
People do reach out to me again as well, but I panic last minute and cancel which I hate. Then feel its safer not to try again as don't want to cancel a second or third time. Then the odd time I am the one who chases with no reply, as happens in life, I let it get to me way more than I reckon a normal person does with the 'I'm not worth knowing' noise. Yes I sound pathetic. I am a walking contradiction of you saw me at work.

You sound awesome OP, I wish I was your friend!

My DH says it's always harder for clever people to get on with others. There's always that thing where no one really "gets" you, and a lot of what goes on around you just doesn't add up in any meaningful way.

Thank you. You are right. I do quite a lot of ad-hoc stuff for community but commitment is where I get worried about letting people down due to work and health. I really, really miss the company of my grandparents and am hoping a lot to meet a special older person to form a connection with.

@cripplinglyalone - get in touch with your local Council volunteering officer and ask what opportunities there are with Age Concern over Christmas. My local officer sends round a weekly bulletin of opportunities and last weeks had a shout out by Age COncern for people to cook an extra portion of food at Christmas and deliver it to a local older person in their home. They also have opportunities for people to befriend older adults for a short time when they come home from hospital etc. Also there are opportunities to visit older adults in hospital who might otherwise get no visitors. A lot of the opportunities can be done on an ad hoc basis.

Have you tried socialising with the school mums or being active in the PA? We've lived in three different countries and the other school mums (and some dads) were always a great route into finding community. What about the parents of your kids' friends?

I'm curious about (roughly) were you live, OP. Do you work from home or are you limited by needing to be in an office? Apologies if you've said that and I missed it. Certainly if you lived in a lot of London neighbourhoods, you'd be pretty typical income-wise.

OP
In your position the best money you can spend is on intensive therapy.
I would focus on Stoic philosophy; School Of Life have great courses but there are many others.
Money both solves problems and creates new one. Ideally you detach your meaning of life from it. Learn to live both with it and without it.
Getting meaningful connections takes time and consistency. Volunteer in a refuge/hostel/orphanage and build relationships this way.

I notice your relationship with your husband is distant.
Relationships is an area when the right skills will give you a far more satisfying relationship and life.

Look up Al Turtle's Relationship Wisdom. Google it.

Look Up John Gottman - Making Marriage Work, on youtube

Apply the principles consistently and watch the effects.

And consider getting a really nice pet dog for the loneliness as well.

I second that one - I have two dogs now! Also does mean you start to talk to people on walks as dogs [and their owners] are creatures of habit and do the same routes/same time. You can join FB walking groups and join them on organised meet ups.

I am in similar position to you - work in tech. I think I have a good sense of the company you probably work for where shares have rocketed last few years (despite a creepy founder!).

My greatest joy is treating family and friends. I've set up 'surprise' trust funds (top up 10k here and there) for neices and nephews and godchildren as well as my own kids of course. I pay for big villas abroad or chalets for skiing and cover everyone's travel. Why not. Core memories and loads of my mates work harder than I do in jobs (like nursing or teaching) which don't pay the same.

Try it. I highly recommend it. Money can't buy you happiness but it can buy lovely experiences and for me the more people sharing those lovely experiences the more the experiences are lovely.

You definitely need to find your people.

Like many women in tech I'm on the spectrum. Joining groups for autistic women in my 30s was a game changer and I found my people.

I don't have any school mum friends either.

Keep searching, your people are out there.

Yes that’s absolutely right - dogs are fabulous for helping with local connections