House Hold Income 85K a month net

[cripplinglyalone]

My house hold income is 85k a month net. I am money rich but support /family poor. AMA.

I am really sorry but yes, yes we absolutely do get payslips. People on 250k or 2 million like me, we get payslips!! WTF!

Look at the reply to your post by @lifeisgoodrightnow · Today 10:09

I'm not the only poster questioning the thread. Many, many posters have questioned what you say.

Thanks for the head shake, I need it. I came to post that I should be so much happier as 'rich' but life is complicated and yes, my sadness would be the same or worse with poverty thrown in.
Thank you.

I dont know anyone in the same situation. My colleagues are mainly US based and I dont want to rub shouders with the local elite. I like down to earth, dry sense of humour, trustworthy folk and it's a me problem, here, I have isolated myself for sure.

85K P/A was probably the turnig point where I began to feel less money worries. Now its silly amounts, I am making it up as I go. See my post about stock appreciation to know it wont last forever so I guess I am just riding the wave for now.

Can relate to this so much. Thank you.

The answer was ALWAYS travel, travel, travel... but world got smaller now I would be grateful for good health and set routines.

I am very sorry my words have upset you so. If you would like to lay out clear examples of how I am lying, I will help you out with clear responses to each doubt. . Your comment about people who earn high not getting payslips- can any corporate employed high earners on here please come and tell me I am wrong? (UK/ USA is all I know to be fair) I have never ever not had a payslip. I have earned over 100k for at least ten years,

I have a nanny and husband and kids. My work is USA hours mainly so I need help at latter part of the day.

What do you think they get? If you’re a banker on £2m, you get a payslip.

I think if I was lying as much as you think I am, as well as sharing that my mood is low, the I would clearly be someone in quite a deluded mental health crisis right?

I think you could find a kinder response to someone so clearly mentally unwell. Why would you need to be so vicious if I am here having a prolonged delusion about my bank balance?

I believe so so much in karma, I am not saying thats why I am rich, but I will say that shooting out desperate little hits of venom on the internet, won't make you happier.
Try being kind.

Money aside, I think parenting is actually quite isolating. Whether working or not, you are forced into an artificially created bubble and made to interact with people who you have nothing in common with aside from children born in the same school year and in the same postcodes/parental income bracket. Any chance to be yourself, to pursue things that enhance personal development or friendships are shelved for a significant period because you have to prioritise the children, even if you have help in the form of a nanny. It isn’t healthy for your children to only live through them or for your time with them to be underscored by the guilt you feel over working long hours or laced with disappointment in your marriage.

As it does also sound as though your husband is emotionally unavailable? This may be a separate but also significant issue - could you seek relationship counselling, or is it time to consider the future of that relationship given - in effect - you don’t really have one now? It sounds as though, financially, you could manage without him even if it means a significant income drop. If you are emotionally unfulfilled in this area it tends to impact how you parent (you can become over-invested) which may not be healthy for you or your children. You deserve to have balance in your life - space to be appreciated for who you are as a whole, not just as a mother, a tech professional, someone’s wife. This includes making time to pursue fun interests and to make/be with friends so that you have some of this from other quarters.

My first suggestion would be to book some 1-2-1 counselling to explore what it is you want out of life and then make steps to achieve it. A could therapist can help tweeze out what is life stuff and what is tinted by pesky perimenopause hormones!

I totally get that. If I won the lottery I would have to make my friends and family rich so that I still had them in my life. I have one friend who is well off (nothing like your income) but the rest of our social group aren't so she goes on a lot of holidays by herself as none of us can afford to go with her. Occasionally she will suggest that we go for meals in expensive places, or concerts with ridiculously priced tickets. Ive known her for so long that I just tell her to not be so fucking stupid and to live in the real world.I wouldn't want to socialise with "the elite" I wouldn't have anything in common with them. I know i keep plugging this but if you did something fulfilling with real people you may not find deep connections and friends but you might find a community where you feel comfortable and seen, if that makes sense.

I use a maid for you type company, they take about 3 pounds an hour or something, I think the base for the cleaner is now 14p/h.They dont look after their cleaners well. For instance , he cleaner could turn up for her weekly clean, I send her home coz dont want a clean that week, and there is no charge or penalty to me! There should at least be a cancellation charge, the cleaner has just used her petrol and time to get to me!

I live in a modest 4 bed, I eye up the bigger houses, but we all like it here for now! and my nanny is paid way above market for light housekeeping becasue the kids are now at school, this was very mutaully agreed by us both and she helps a lot where my health has declined. so the 3 hours offical cleaner does work for me for now.

You sound like a lovely person. I am sorry your job was imacted by health, it is so hard. Sending hugs.

Hello there,
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The OP of this thread has been with us a number of years now and we have no reason to believe they are anything but genuine.
MNHQ

Such a beautifully written and well thought out reply. Are you a professional in this field as you have summed so much up in a couple of paragraphs? That or just a pretty intelligent human?(being serious)

So many posts here have absolutely encoutaged me to revisit the therapy. I thank everyone who has taken the time to reply. I am going to pay it forward with internet kindess myself. Thank you

I have been your friend. I book the best restaurants and business flights, top hotels and insist its my treat and my friends don't love it. They say 'no handouts' etc. It is hard to share wealth- you have to see it to believe it, I guess from either perspective.
As much as you say 'I will stay in touch with money' you lose it. I grew up poor, I am very waste averse but still £400 to be driven into London and back for lunch becasue I dont want to catch the train, is a very real thing. This is a crap example, but others see you do that and their like WTF girl.

Thank you! I have reported their accusations in return, just to hopefully show admin that I am very genuine and dont appreciate being accused of lying with no concrete examples of how that is. The payslip accusation is next level.

This nearly got lost in the nightowl replies, but thank you so so much. I really will do this, My last therapy was remote during covid, I can't rememeber if I have done similar, but I will do this... today! If I stop typing on here.
People who take the time to reply like this, you are the good in the world Don't change❤

Haha, sadly you aren't exactly like my friend. She is as tight as a ducks arse so never offers to pay. Not that I would accept it if she did. Anyway OP, you sound to me like you have a lot of insight so im confident that one way or another you are destined for inner peace and fulfilment. You've just got to start the process of finding it. You will no doubt have a few disappointments on that journey but the important thing is to start the journey. Good luck, I wish you all the best. Maybe at some point when you are in a much better place in your life, you can come back and tell us what is was that made the difference xx

Kids in normal school for now.
I dont like Harrods, think its flashing wealth for the sake of it so those items seem more of a humblebrag or keeping up with the jones's. Your trip sounds like a LOT of fun.

I have not been taken advantage of as depite my sadness, I am savvy.
I spend about 20-30k a month, but lots of that is investments. Lifestyle is probably about 19k and that includes paid help and luxuries.

OP I’ve just read all your posts. I can see you’ve had a mumsnet healthy mixture of grief and support!

You’ve had lots of good advice, but I have one experience to share. The one thing that helped me most when I was lonely was joining a theatre group. It didn’t matter what money people had, where you were from, what your education was, everyone just came together in a team doing what needed to be done. Friendships formed without pressure and, what might be helpful for you, is that the socialising tended to happen at the theatre. So any disparity in income wouldn’t be noticed.

It’s not the only solution, and I think reconnecting with therapy might also help you, but just thought I’d chuck the idea out there of a ‘safe’ environment to meet people.

You’ve done well for yourself professionally, there is no reason you cannot do the same personally.

The salary might make sense, there are possibly a handful of coders in the world being paid what you are.

But your explanation makes no sense as written to anyone with half a knowledge of finance.

Your shares are worth diddly squat except on paper until they are sold.

At no point is holding stock ”income”.

Your £85k a month is not coming from share values and if it was coming from dividends from building shares then you'd be a multi millionaire.

You write as if you are continuing to hold the shares when to make your £2.5m a year they must be being sold. Are they?

One thing is for sure and that's you are desperately in need of the financial advisor that most employers of people like you would have put you in touch with.

OP I hope you take this the right way. I am ND myself or I wouldn't write it.

Most people writing code at the level you are will be neuro diverse. It's what makes us great at those roles. If this is true of you then that neuro diversity might also explain some of your social issues.

It could perhaps help you to explore this?

I wish you well.