I owe a friend

[Applebaby]

I am in a bit of a mess. I had some time off work with MH problems and my bills were mounting up. I borrowed money from my friend - £1600. I am back at work now, but only recently. She is asking for her money back and I’m finding it really overwhelming to pay all at once. I keep making promises to pay and breaking them and making excuses. I am due to pay her today after yet another excuse last week and I just don’t have it.

I am embarrassed and really low. I am worried it’s going to affect my MH again with the constant anxiety.

i want to contact her to ask if I can pay it back monthly to clear it and make it a bit more manageable. She has previously messaged me saying I am putting her under stress and making threats to come to my house with another family member.

can anyone advise how I go about fixing this? I really am so low

I'm sure that you two will be friends again as long as you stick to your side of the bargain and pay her back as promised.

Good luck with the saving.

I actually wouldn't be too interested in this friendship if I were op.

I agree she needed to repay as a priority but the turning up on the doorstep business was thug-like.

She did a kind thing to lend but the aftermath would have left me with reservations about her.

I agree with this. That wasn't good of the friend, for sure. It still doesn't excuse the OP's flakiness, but violence is never acceptable.

Sorry you are struggling OP. That's good that you have come to an agreement. I think not agreeing a repayment timescale upfront has been the downfall of this. Good luck and I hope in time you and your friend can move on from this.

You'll normally get lots of responses when you post on AIBU, some you'll appreciate and some downright nasty.

Glad you've sorted things out now. If she decides she doesn't want to continue your friendship, that's her right. I think she was a little impatient with you, considering your circumstances. But it's never straightforward when money lending's involved.

Sleep well tonight

Pardon me; thought this was AIBU. My mistake.

IME it can depend on what OP wanted the money for and what sort of an account she gave, BusterGonad

There's no knowing, but I expect many of us have heard the one where the borrower is "expecting a lump sum next week/month and (the lender) will be the first in line"

The OP has been out of work, so personally I think the friend isn't being realistic in expecting her to have 1,600 after recently going back to work. I would have assumed a six-month payment plan since she was badly off enough to need to borrow the money in the first place. (This is assuming that the OP has an average job and isn't a highly-paid lawyer or something.)

Threatening OP with violence and wanting her money back soon after OP has gone back to work would put me off the friendship. Makes me wonder if she made the loan principally to be able to bully OP about it.

Threatening OP with violence and wanting her money back soon after OP has gone back to work would put me off the friendship. Makes me wonder if she made the loan principally to be able to bully OP about it.

This was my thought too. After paying back the money I would tell her what I thought of her before binning her off. But only after paying what you borrowed.

This was the point where you lost any sympathy. It's fairly awful You may think "she has money" just because she has more than you but noone likes to write off £1600 without any promise of repayment

Make sure you stick to the agreed repayment plan now

Go to a bank for a personal loan. Never ask friends for money, they're your friends, not banks.

That’s not what I said.

Come round with a family member to do what exactly? To discuss what's going on that's preventing you from repaying it? To come up with a payment plan? To discuss going to court over it? To beat you up? The intention of her and her relative coming round is super important in this

Well done, OP, for contacting her and sorting something out.

Just rude

of course she should pay it back , but not within 2 month.

Wow some comments on here. Its been 2 months not 2 years! Glad you're sorted op

I would say the OP is never going to pay her friend back and was never going to from the start. People look for reasons to fall out once they've borrowed money (even if those reasons are requests for repayment) and then keep the money and dump the friend. It's basically a scam. I've had this rubbish happen to me over much more than what the OP's friend lent them. The friend can take the OP to court and a court can force her to pay it back. People get really disgusting when it comes to money and all their values go out the window. Seen it many times.

Just true. Your reasoning makes no sense.

Im sorry you are feeling low but you really don’t know this. You need to stop making promises you can’t keep, message her, say you haven’t got it and are a reasonable offer to repay in sensible instalments then stick to it. You will feel better once you’ve done this.

I would say the OP is never going to pay her friend back and was never going to from the start. People look for reasons to fall out once they've borrowed money (even if those reasons are requests for repayment) and then keep the money and dump the friend

Though we can't know if it applies to OP I agree this is all too common, @Allthatshines1992, and so is presenting the circumstances according to what suits

For example we're told that the lender had "threatened to come round with a member of her family", but what for? A witness to what's said by someone who's admitted "I keep making promises to pay and breaking them and making excuses" or something more sinister?

These things make a difference, but as with the many questions about what OP thinks this is doing to the friend's "MH", answer comes there none

Completely agree!

Well that’s almost worse in a way though isn’t it? The fact she has money is irrelevant and you shouldn’t be using that to justify not paying her back.

She did you a massive favour lending you so much money. I don't blame her if she comes to your house as you are treating her generosity with disdain.

Take on some extra work and start to pay her off or sell some stuff. Go to a loan company if need be.

Remember the adage: Never a borrower or lender be.....