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Original poster

I owe a friend

274 replies

Applebaby · 25/09/2025 14:33

I am in a bit of a mess. I had some time off work with MH problems and my bills were mounting up. I borrowed money from my friend - £1600. I am back at work now, but only recently. She is asking for her money back and I’m finding it really overwhelming to pay all at once. I keep making promises to pay and breaking them and making excuses. I am due to pay her today after yet another excuse last week and I just don’t have it.

I am embarrassed and really low. I am worried it’s going to affect my MH again with the constant anxiety.

i want to contact her to ask if I can pay it back monthly to clear it and make it a bit more manageable. She has previously messaged me saying I am putting her under stress and making threats to come to my house with another family member.

can anyone advise how I go about fixing this? I really am so low

OP posts:
FourIsNewSix · 26/09/2025 08:16

Sounds to me like chaos and panic.

The friend lent the money 2 months ago without clear repayment dates.
The OP got a job
The friend asked to repay now she has a job
The OP panicked and the unrealistic promises started

In an ideal world there would be some discussion about the repayment plan and the OP would have the confidence to say "yes I have a job now and I'm able to repay you now X monthly.

namechangedjustforthisthreadtoday · 26/09/2025 08:24

Actually I think the friend has been quite naive and not particularly kind.

It is blindingly obviously that if someone has needed reasonably substantial financial assistance due to a period of unemployment, they are not going to magically be able to repay the entire amount from their first paycheck. This isn't like borrowing a tenner until payday - the OP was always going to repay this over time.

Clearly the OP has done herself no favours at all by sticking her head in the sand and lying, rather than immediately explaining that repaying the whole amount immediately is simply impossible. But honestly the friend should have known this and not loaned her the money at all if she wasn't prepared for it. Hounding someone with MH problems for money they don't have was never going to end well.

Rosscameasdoody · 26/09/2025 08:39

OP it sounds as though you’re both at fault here. If she’s asking for the money back so soon after your return to work, it suggests she couldn’t afford to lend it to you in the first place and she should have said so. If that’s not the case and she’s still asking for it back as a lump sum less than a few weeks later, l think that’s unreasonable too - especially if she’s threatened you. You explained why you needed it so she should have known it would be a while before you could pay it back.

Having said that, you bear the responsibility too. Why did you not both work out and agree a repayment plan in place when you accepted the loan - it was on both of you to decide how and when it would be paid, and it does seem as though you’ve messed her about.

Now you’ve agreed a repayment plan you need to stick to it until it’s paid off, but my advice is to review it and make sure it’s affordable for you. You’ve hinted that it will leave you short and that’s worrying because you’re more likely to default at some point if you’re financially stretched. Speaking personally l’d rather accept a lower instalment and be more likely to get the money back than insist on a higher amount that’s unsustainable.

Hopefully your take away from this is never to borrow money from friends - l’m sorry you think it’s ended the friendship but in this case it’s probably a good thing. You don’t need friends in your life who would threaten you with harm over money.

fedupwithcookingfromscratch · 26/09/2025 08:43

This is a horrible situation for you both. And to those people suggesting you should have gone to UC clearly have no idea how it works or how much it (doesn't) cover. What I would suggest here is that you make a repayment plan you can stick to. Something like £10 a month if that is genuinely all you can afford. Make it clear that you can't pay it all back and you are unlikely in the near future to have that much money left over in one month after paying all your bills, given that you are (presumably) also paying other debts back. Say that you want to start paying now and will increase the monthly sum if and when you can. People panic when they think they are never going to be repaid and if you promise you can pay, then don't, that panic only increases and she may consider small claims court which would damage your credit rating even further. If you don't pay anything back then she does have a case for small claims court. But if you offer a payment plan that you can stick to, (and can demonstrate that you really don't have the funds to pay any more) then start making payments, she cannot take you to court. And if she does turn up with another family member demanding money, then that is threatening behaviour. Message or email her and make a payment today. It's the confusion and limbo that you are putting her in right now which is making this worse.

Redburnett · 26/09/2025 08:44

You need to take out a loan to repay her and then repay the loan to the bank monthly. You took and spent money which she incredibly generously loaned you at a low point and are now making excuses not to repay.

Welshmonster · 26/09/2025 08:46

Don’t get cash out. You need to pay by bank transfer so it’s tracked and she can’t say you aren’t paying to family members.
if you feel threatened at all then inform the police. Yes she may want her money back but she can’t be aggressive about it.

make sure you are claiming all the universal credit that you can as well

Rosscameasdoody · 26/09/2025 08:49

Redburnett · 26/09/2025 08:44

You need to take out a loan to repay her and then repay the loan to the bank monthly. You took and spent money which she incredibly generously loaned you at a low point and are now making excuses not to repay.

OP has already said she has no access to credit. She has also contacted the friend and agreed to pay off the loan in monthly instalments. And if you read all the updates, the friend hasn’t exactly covered herself in glory with her own behaviour.

MousseMousse · 26/09/2025 08:50

Fwiw @Applebaby I think your friend has handled it poorly too. Without negating your own culpability, she should have made it clear when she wanted repayment at the point of lending you the money.

If, in future, you either lend or borrow money, make sure you have a discussion upfront to agree repayment terms.

Good luck getting back on your feet

OneFlewOverMy · 26/09/2025 08:50

Fancy loosing a GOOD friend over £1,600. One day you will realise that the good ones are rare !

Rosscameasdoody · 26/09/2025 08:51

Welshmonster · 26/09/2025 08:46

Don’t get cash out. You need to pay by bank transfer so it’s tracked and she can’t say you aren’t paying to family members.
if you feel threatened at all then inform the police. Yes she may want her money back but she can’t be aggressive about it.

make sure you are claiming all the universal credit that you can as well

This. OP you need a paper trail of the repayments. Either bank transfer or standing order. And as this poster rightly says, any more threats should be reported to the police.

Rosscameasdoody · 26/09/2025 08:55

OneFlewOverMy · 26/09/2025 08:50

Fancy loosing a GOOD friend over £1,600. One day you will realise that the good ones are rare !

A ‘good friend’ who loaned money in circumstances where they should have known OP wouldn’t be able to pay it back all at once, and certainly not within a few weeks of receiving it. A ‘good friend’ who didn’t think to agree a repayment plan that OP could afford, given her circumstances and past MH history. A ‘good friend’ who threatened to come to OP’s home with a relative to recover money she knew OP didn’t have. That’s not my definition of a ‘good friend’. At all.

howshouldibehave · 26/09/2025 09:01

I never handled it well. I know this. I shouldn’t have lied

What were your lies?

Lying to a friend would be more of a deal breaker to me, than not being able to pay money back.

Itsanewlife · 26/09/2025 09:09

The lying/ghosting/procastination is much much worse than not paying her back. Please apologize profusely and sit down with her, tell her your financial constraints and find a way to pay her back over time. Once you agree to a plan - please stick to it.

AngelinaFibres · 26/09/2025 09:16

stomachamelon · 25/09/2025 16:04

I think some of the comments on here have been really Cruel tbh.
@ApplebabyI am glad you have spoken to her. Sometimes we bury our heads in the sand when we need fo be honest and forthright. If you struggle moving forward tell her in advance and have a solution if you can.
I imagine bank loans and overdrafts would have been the OP’s first port of call. For some they are not an option.
Walk a mile and all that….

You are just the sort of person that these people look for with their tales of woe. Be careful out there

shhblackbag · 26/09/2025 09:30

Applebaby · 25/09/2025 14:39

Just to be clear. She has money I’m not putting her in any position financially. I think she’s just fed up with me

I don't blame her. What does it matter that she has money? She's still out a lot of it because you keep messing her around. Pay her, or at least set up a plan and stick to it.

And prepare to no longer have her as a friend.

shhblackbag · 26/09/2025 09:44

I see there's a repayment plan. Set up a direct debit and get it done. If you can afford 300 now, I'm not sure why you couldn't have suggested that from the start instead of lying to her.

Rosscameasdoody · 26/09/2025 10:21

Itsanewlife · 26/09/2025 09:09

The lying/ghosting/procastination is much much worse than not paying her back. Please apologize profusely and sit down with her, tell her your financial constraints and find a way to pay her back over time. Once you agree to a plan - please stick to it.

Read the updates. Already done.

Rosscameasdoody · 26/09/2025 10:23

shhblackbag · 26/09/2025 09:30

I don't blame her. What does it matter that she has money? She's still out a lot of it because you keep messing her around. Pay her, or at least set up a plan and stick to it.

And prepare to no longer have her as a friend.

Show quote history

I think if someone threatened to come to my house with a relative, with the intention of recovering money they knew l didn’t have, that would effectively end the friendship regardless of any other circumstances.

Rosscameasdoody · 26/09/2025 10:26

shhblackbag · 26/09/2025 09:44

I see there's a repayment plan. Set up a direct debit and get it done. If you can afford 300 now, I'm not sure why you couldn't have suggested that from the start instead of lying to her.

OP has only recently gone back to work and friend asked for her money back in one lump sum after a few weeks. Admittedly OP has acted badly but her ‘friend’ hasn’t exactly covered herself in glory according to the updates.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 26/09/2025 10:55

If she was just going to default and not bother repaying the friend then I doubt she’d come on here asking for advice …

Maybe, @LeopardPants, but OP's posts have contained concerns only for herself and absolutely nothing about how this may have affected the friend except a brief mention amounting to "She can afford it ..."

That doesn't sound to me like a borrower who had good intent in the first place, but hopefully I'm wrong

MumOf4totstoteens · 26/09/2025 11:45

You need to give her it back asap as much as you can afford. Don’t ignore her. You will feel better once you have come to an arrangement.

BusterGonad · 26/09/2025 12:35

OneFlewOverMy · 26/09/2025 08:50

Fancy loosing a GOOD friend over £1,600. One day you will realise that the good ones are rare !

She's quite obviously not a GOOD friend. How on earth can someone with rubbish credit, who has just been off work sick for 2 months, single mum, suddenly magically come up with £1,600 after her first month of being back in work. Regardless of the Op's good intentions it's absolutely ridiculous to think she's not paying her back due to choice. I don't know what planet most of you live in. And the poster saying 'just go into your overdraft' lmfao. If the Op had an overdraft she wouldn't have borrowed the money in the first place. Mumsnet is bonkers.

Nearly50omg · 26/09/2025 12:54

Who is the family member they are threatening you with and what exactly were they going to do when they came round to your house? You need to make it clear to your friend that threats of violence will only end up with the police visiting her and her family member. Yes you owe her money but threatening you is not the answer

Worried198423 · 26/09/2025 13:07

BusterGonad · 26/09/2025 12:35

She's quite obviously not a GOOD friend. How on earth can someone with rubbish credit, who has just been off work sick for 2 months, single mum, suddenly magically come up with £1,600 after her first month of being back in work. Regardless of the Op's good intentions it's absolutely ridiculous to think she's not paying her back due to choice. I don't know what planet most of you live in. And the poster saying 'just go into your overdraft' lmfao. If the Op had an overdraft she wouldn't have borrowed the money in the first place. Mumsnet is bonkers.

Edited
Show quote history

Well she quite obviously was. Otherwise she wouldn't have lent the op a decent amount of money.
It's the lying that annoyed the ops friend.
I know if I lent someone money and they couldn't pay it back.
Is rather they tell me.

BusterGonad · 26/09/2025 13:30

Worried198423 · 26/09/2025 13:07

Well she quite obviously was. Otherwise she wouldn't have lent the op a decent amount of money.
It's the lying that annoyed the ops friend.
I know if I lent someone money and they couldn't pay it back.
Is rather they tell me.

Show quote history

She's been asked after 2 months to pay £1,600 back in a lump sum, the lying was due to stress, embarrassment and fear of the lender bringing along a family member to harass the money out if her. If the friend had a few brain cells she'd know full well that someone in a low wage job, single parent with no partner who's just had a mental health crisis isn't going to be able to stump up that amount of cash even if you bring the Kray brothers to the door. The friend isn't a friend imo, if she couldn't afford to lend the Op the money for longer than 2 months she should've helped in other ways.