I owe a friend

[Applebaby]

I am in a bit of a mess. I had some time off work with MH problems and my bills were mounting up. I borrowed money from my friend - £1600. I am back at work now, but only recently. She is asking for her money back and I’m finding it really overwhelming to pay all at once. I keep making promises to pay and breaking them and making excuses. I am due to pay her today after yet another excuse last week and I just don’t have it.

I am embarrassed and really low. I am worried it’s going to affect my MH again with the constant anxiety.

i want to contact her to ask if I can pay it back monthly to clear it and make it a bit more manageable. She has previously messaged me saying I am putting her under stress and making threats to come to my house with another family member.

can anyone advise how I go about fixing this? I really am so low

I think she has been unreasonable. I have loaned money to friends in the past who have been in similar situations knowing full well they aren't going to be able to pay it back in full quickly.
Yes, you could have probably communicated better with her about how and when you would pay it back but she is an idiot as far as I am concerned.

Don't be ridiculous. It is clear that OP is a CF who deep down thinks that her friend can just write off this debt, and talks about 'anxiety' to deflect criticism.

Well that’s your opinion. Frankly if you were my friend and were refusing to even ATTEMPT to repay money I had lent you in good faith I would be slightly more than “ fed up” with you.

And her finances are nothing to do with you, you told her a sob story, and like the good friend she is was, she lent you money. You don’t know what she had that money earmarked for, could have been for anything, the situation is you promised to repay and you have broken on that promise and are not even giving her the courtesy of an explanation of why.

And have you actually sent £300 to show that you are serious about repaying her, or is this just more words?

Well I suggest a monthly payment plan

Credit unions are not stupid, they expect people to have shown good faith by saving with them for a while before they start handing money out!

I personally think she's not thought things through if she expects you to pay it back so quickly.

Sometimes life gets hard and people make mistakes. Just because OP is wrong doesn’t make her a CF- just a person who is desperate, trying to keep herself and her kids afloat after a mental health crisis, without a fall-back support system like some other people have.

i have been through a similar crisis but luckily had a husband I could rely on. If I was a single mother who knows what kind of mess I’d have got myself and others into, even with the best will and intention to pay back in the world.

Everyone struggles in different ways and OP intends to pay back over time but cannot make a lump sum of money magically appear.

That's all very well but that still doesn't make the friend wrong. I think that not paying your friends back is a scummy thing to do.

What is a CF

Yes I thought that. What I couldn’t see (and may have missed) is what the agreement around repayments was. If there wasn’t one, that is partly on the friend. Logically, if someone has to borrow a relatively large amount of money, I know that person and have some idea of their (financially difficult) circumstances, I’m not sure I would’ve been expecting it all back within two months. Of course if the OP suggested, even verbally, that she would be able to repay this quickly, that’s different. Both needed to discuss and agree a payment schedule.

A cheeky fucker.

Thanks. This is my first post. Seen myself called this a few times

I don’t think the friend is wrong. The friend is understandably upset.

I said OP being in the wrong doesn’t make her a CF. Life gets hard and people make mistakes. OP clearly recognises that she has messed up and has come on here to get advise to best rectify the situation. No need to kick her while she’s down.

i don’t understand why you know she’s upset but you’re not sending her any money today and instead waiting until next week. A payment plan seems sensible and 2 months to get the money back sounds unreasonable from the friend but the main issue seems you have misled her to believe it was possible.

That's because it's true, I'm afraid. It is very cheeky to borrow money, to lie about paying it back, and then to imply that your friend doesn't really need it anyway. How did you come to borrow from her in the first place?

What makes the OP a CF isn't the being unable to pay. It is the lying, the stalling, and the focus on her own mental health without having any consideration for her friend. It is clear to me that she hoped that the friend would treat the loan as a gift.

Your friendship might be salvageable. People always say don't lend money to friends as they can take advantage of the friendship and try to get out of paying it back and she probably thinks that's what you've tried to do and been incredibly sad, disappointed and angry.

When you meet her don't make excuses, just apologise, acknowledge you should have honest with her, and apologise again. Then don't miss a payment. When you've finished paying it off write her a lovely card thanking her.

@AliceMaforethoughtknow her well do you? To make that assumption? What if the opposite is true and you have just metaphorically toe punted her in the private’s for good measure.
Bravo.

I remember my Mum crying because a woman at her work owed her £1000 and kept 'promising' to pay her back. She never paid my Mum back and was flaunting her wealth quite openly - getting new glasses (about £300 she told the others in the office), having a holiday - while my Mum was walking to work because she given this woman nearly all her savings. Madness. My Mum would never let me come into her work to challenge this chancer, what a despicable person.

You need to treat your friend with more respect. Get a book and give it to your friend with the first £100. Get her to sign it, like a rent book in the old days. Tell her you have written out a budget and will give her £100 per month and more if you can save it by cutting back. You need to show willing.

My thoughts too

Mumsnet can be a cruel and a kind place. Good luck sorting it out. You are not a cf!

Good luck for the future, OP. Hope your mental health is better now and well done for contacting your friend. Look after yourself. 🌸

Wow - so entitled.
You have no idea what her circumstances are, whatever it is you assume you know about her finances.
She helped you in good faith - pay her back.
Being a single parent on a low income is not an excuse.

When did you agree to repay it? Was it always intended you'd repay in instalments?