I owe a friend

[Applebaby]

I am in a bit of a mess. I had some time off work with MH problems and my bills were mounting up. I borrowed money from my friend - £1600. I am back at work now, but only recently. She is asking for her money back and I’m finding it really overwhelming to pay all at once. I keep making promises to pay and breaking them and making excuses. I am due to pay her today after yet another excuse last week and I just don’t have it.

I am embarrassed and really low. I am worried it’s going to affect my MH again with the constant anxiety.

i want to contact her to ask if I can pay it back monthly to clear it and make it a bit more manageable. She has previously messaged me saying I am putting her under stress and making threats to come to my house with another family member.

can anyone advise how I go about fixing this? I really am so low

We never discussed repayment. Just discussed me getting back on my feet and back to work. Then the second I was back the said she wanted the money back and I panicked. I never handled it well. I know this. I shouldn’t have lied. I have been honest and agreed a plan now. And she has left it by saying she won’t come to my door with the family member unless I don’t pay on time

I loaned 500 pounds to a friend when she was stuck. She said she’d give it back in two instalments when her new job started and we agreed the date. That was in 2019… I didn’t see that money and got basically ghosted. Thankfully it didn’t leave me stuck but I gave her a firm text when I had a dental bill this summer and it finally came through, six years later! That friendship is over though.
In future, I wouldn’t lend to friends unless I could write it off. 1600 pounds is a lot of money to many of us and it’s understandable your friend has lent in good faith and is now anxious about it as you aren’t communicating. You need to come clean, talk with her, then agree and stick to a payment plan. Do you have anything you could sell for a few quid extra whilst times are lean?

@TinyCottageGirl owing someone 1600 and not paying them isn't exactly kind either.

I‘m glad you’ve got it sorted OP. For what it’s worth I think you’ve had some really harsh comments. You shouldn’t have gone to a friend for money and especially an amount that was difficult to pay back (not being funny but I earn £50k a year and I wouldn’t be able to repay £1,600 in two months with my other outgoings). Both you and your friend should have realised that repayment wasn’t possible in a short timeframe - if you didn’t have the money at the time you borrowed it you weren’t likely to have it a small number of weeks later!! Now just make sure you keep to the repayments.

OP thats great you have arranged a plan with your friend. Use this situation to prove to yourself that you can do it and you will pay her back.
Clear the debt and make plans to budget/ save so you won't get into a position like this again.
I hope you're getting help with your mental health 💐

That wasn't her attitude. People were saying the friend might be short of money and OP was explaining.

Still gives you excuse to have a go doesn't it.

Six years is a bit different to two months. Why would someone who was desperate for money be able to pay back £1600 within weeks?

That’s a lot of money OP. What can you afford to pay today, you need to give her all you can possibly afford even if it leaves you unable to pay bills for a month.

Anyone would be, you need to prioritise paying her back and being honest with her, she helped you and you've not been a good friend to her.

You've got a very good friend there. Unfortunately youve taken advantage of her. I hope your friendship survives.

I would write her a letter stating what an amazing friend she has been to give this money to yiu, and beyond repaying her back you will find a way to be just as good a friend back to her. Friends like her are gold dust, I hope after the first couple of instalments she will start to trust you again.

Send it by bank transfer and put 'loan repayment' in the reference/description so you have a trail from your bank to hers. I'd set up a standing order to come out right after your pay day so you pay it back and don't forget or pay late (e.g. illness/busy).

Well done for contacting her though. You've got a chance now to pay it back regularly and on time but she'll be (rightly) really cross if you mess it up this time.

I never lend money I’m not prepared to write off.
That said if id lent some one £1600, I certainly wouldn’t expect it back 2 months after they got back on their feet/new job.
Id go for a payment plan.
There is no point this person being angry with op - they were paying the Good Samaritan - and it is their own fault it back fired.
(you pays your money - you take your chances. )
Op - never ever borrow off this person again.

So it's her fault the OP is a flake!? Good lord, I've heard it all now.

OP from your posts it seems like you think she can spare it so you’re not in such a hurry to return it. You really never know what someone’s situation is and it’s a good lesson - never a lender or a borrower be. No doubt your friend won’t lend to you in the future now.

As others have said, return as much as humanly possible today, then agree a payment plan that gets it back quickly to her. You need to be giving hundreds at a time, not tens.

Once it’s over, offer to babysit or do something which is free to you but benefits her and thank her profusely for the loan.

Ah you sound like my friend, I lent her some money and asked for it back.. she said 'its not like you really need it though do you'.

I keep making promises to pay and breaking them and making excuses. I am due to pay her today after yet another excuse last week and I just don’t have it.

Poor mental health is not an excuse for messing a friend around.
You need to contact her with a realistic repayment plan and stick to it.
It really is as simple as that.

I would message her and offer to make monthly payments, whatever you can afford.

Then set it up as a Standing Order with your bank. Make the reference-debt repayment.

I haven't had that experience when referring clients ...they are trying to reduce harms door step lenders etc etc in my area

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Also OP, it’s a common school of thought to ‘never lend more than you’re prepared to lose’. So IMO if she’s gonna be mean and pissed off about it, she shouldn’t have lent it to you in the first place. Either lend from a place of generosity and support, or don’t. That’s basically what lending means. It’s a nice thing, a favour, with expectation of return - but no guarantee; that’s what a contract is for. Of course you hope for repayment and it’s based on trust, but you’d be within your rights as actual friends to expect some understanding. Doesn’t sound like she’s as well off, or as good a friend, as she’s led you to believe tbh.

But OP whether she needs the money is not really for you to decide.

You need to sort out how you can organise your finances to give her the money back as soon as possible, and prioritise that over other expenses. Then you need to tell her and stick to it.

Well you just put me right off helping anyone out.

Another common school of thought is that its ok to be a user.

@Applebaby , you were brave to ask for advice. Understandably, saying she wouldn't miss it because she's comfortably off put people's backs up.

I'm glad you reached an agreement with your friend. The most important thing is consistency now. Paying on time, every time is critical if she's ever going to respect you again.

She did you a huge favour. She deserves your b at efforts.

Yes, all of this op.

I think those comments did put people's backs up.

But I'm glad you have sorted something out - please do stick to it so you can put this behind you and relax asap.