I owe a friend

[Applebaby]

I am in a bit of a mess. I had some time off work with MH problems and my bills were mounting up. I borrowed money from my friend - £1600. I am back at work now, but only recently. She is asking for her money back and I’m finding it really overwhelming to pay all at once. I keep making promises to pay and breaking them and making excuses. I am due to pay her today after yet another excuse last week and I just don’t have it.

I am embarrassed and really low. I am worried it’s going to affect my MH again with the constant anxiety.

i want to contact her to ask if I can pay it back monthly to clear it and make it a bit more manageable. She has previously messaged me saying I am putting her under stress and making threats to come to my house with another family member.

can anyone advise how I go about fixing this? I really am so low

Can you pay her anything today?
then £200 a month?
I think you need to apologise profusely for messing her around, work out a repayment plan (paid back fully within a year MAX) and stick to it, accept youll lose this friendship, never ever borrow money from a friend again.

I suspect though, you will cut off the friendship and the poor friend who helped you through a difficult time will be £1600 down.

That rather contradicts your op
She has previously messaged me saying I am putting her under stress and making threats to come to my house with another family member.
maybe she is not as well off as you assume

@Applebaby Are you surprised she is fed up with you?? you are making no effort to pay back the money! you were quick enough to borrow from her! now she has to wait and you also have christmas up and coming!! you need to get yourself and your priorities sorted!

I find it really troublesome that instead of you trying to pay your friend back you are instead making excuses for why she doesn’t need the money back

You are taking the piss with that comment.

Sounds like she’s going to be on your doorstep shortly and who could blame her.

£1600 would likely be enough for her entire Christmas shopping. You need to do better here OP.

Pay her back as a priority. Kiss goodbye to the friendship. You don’t seem like you think it’s a priority to pay her back? Her financial position is irrelevant to your flakiness.

I can see why she’s fed up with you

Work out the most you can afford to repay her monthly and do that. Even if it's only a little each month, it will prove you are sincere, will repay her and have not exploited her generosity, which I suspect is her bigger concern.

Well we can already see that’s she’s an EX friend . You’re not gonna pay her this money back coz in your head “she can afford it” and I suspect she’s worried she’s not going to see a penny of it again .

What a disgusting human you are if you do that to someone who was kind enough to help you when you needed a friend and you should be ashamed of yourself if you don’t pay her back “coz she doesn’t need it “

One day you will need your friend and she won’t be there . So pay her the money back and then you’ve always got someone to help you in the future. Don’t lie to her just be honest .

Sorry - first ever post. That wasn't directed at you OP - it was my shocked response to what a previous post had said about you getting a job and contributing to society.

“I know I’ve let you down by not paying when I said I would. I’m back at work now but I can’t afford to pay you in one lump sum. I don’t want to keep making excuses — I’d like to set up a proper repayment plan with you instead. I can afford £X per month and will make the first payment on [date]. This way you know exactly when you’ll get the money back.”

Before you message her, check your budget. Don’t offer an amount that will break you — it’ll just cause more problems if you can’t keep it up. Even if it’s £100 a month, a steady plan is better than more missed promises.

What can you afford to pay now, as in, today? Pay that. It will show some goodwill as well as reducing the debt.

Next tell her what you can next pay and when. Apologise that you can't pay it all at once but show willing to work out an achievable repayment schedule, then stick to it.

At the moment you keep promising you'll repay the lot and then breaking your promise by not paying anything. I'm not surprised she is fed up and no longer trusts you. You need to act otherwise you'll have lost a friend and still be stuck with the debt.

Don't excuse yourself because she's financially ok. That does not entitle you to keep the money you borrowed. She lent it, not gave it.

She's stressed as she thinks she is never going to see her money again. £1600 is a substantial sum of money to anybody. Anyone would be stressed to think they have lost that much money.

Do what everyone else has suggested, start being honest with her, agree a repayment plan, set up a DD and keep to it.

Under stress but messing her about not that it makes any difference

i very much doubt £1600 doesn’t mean much to her
But doesn’t matter anyway
I would Be curious to know how long ago she loaned the money

Can you ask universal credit for an advance payment?

2 months

You need to find a way to pay OP, it’s really not fair to have borrowed such a significant sum from a friend with promises to pay it back only to then default and lie.

Apologise, send her a message today, now, ask if you can pay her back over the next 3 months and make the first payment today to show you are going to make it happen.

When did you originally agree to pay and how much?

what did you originally agree to pay and how much and when?
£1600 is a lot of money, you cant keep messing her around like this. Why havent you asked about a repayment plan before?

No I was off for a period before then. I only asked for help 2 months ago.

i have messaged her now being totally honest. Asked if I could pay monthly and offered to speak to her on the phone should she have any questions

How much a month?

that is KEY