I owe a friend

[Applebaby]

I am in a bit of a mess. I had some time off work with MH problems and my bills were mounting up. I borrowed money from my friend - £1600. I am back at work now, but only recently. She is asking for her money back and I’m finding it really overwhelming to pay all at once. I keep making promises to pay and breaking them and making excuses. I am due to pay her today after yet another excuse last week and I just don’t have it.

I am embarrassed and really low. I am worried it’s going to affect my MH again with the constant anxiety.

i want to contact her to ask if I can pay it back monthly to clear it and make it a bit more manageable. She has previously messaged me saying I am putting her under stress and making threats to come to my house with another family member.

can anyone advise how I go about fixing this? I really am so low

How much are you able to pay back monthly?

it needs to be substantially ie you repay over 3 months

Sounds like she’s had enough of being messed around now. Take out a small bank loan and repay her

Tell her you recognise the debt but can you pay it over 4 installments of £400 pcm.

Yes good shout

I can’t get a bank loan due to being a low earning single parent and default on bills

Your friend has lent you this money in good faith, by not being honest with her about what you could afford to repay you have put her in a position where she is struggling.

What can you realistically afford to give her today? What is the repayment plan you propose going forward? I would set this out and send her a very honest text - this is what I can do today, this is what I can afford with dates moving forward - but you can’t keep failing to pay anything.

You need to be honest with your friend, it's completely unreasonable to keep fobbing her off. Explain to her how sorry you are, you're getting back on your feet and have every intention of paying her back. Give her as much as you can and set up a direct debit to come out the day after you're paid for the next few months to ensure it's covered. Send her a screen shot proving this. Hopefully she'll accept this but if you've been messing her around I'm not surprised she's had enough.

It sounds like she couldn’t really afford to lend you the money and needs it back. Also like she expected it would be paid as agreed.

Could you take out a loan to pay over a few months then you have an arranged amount and will have settled this with your friend.

Just to be clear. She has money I’m not putting her in any position financially. I think she’s just fed up with me

How much can you afford to pay back each month?

This is a lot of money and I don't know a single soul who would give that to a non relative. You really should have gone on UC and food banks and perhaps the friend could have stich your lack with few pasta and rice packets here and there, than giving it you that large amount which now you cannot send back....

Her her having money is besides the point. She gave you money and should be allowed to ask for it back whenever she wants it .

So you take advantage of people and then lie about it!!!!!
You doing that could mean they lose their house, mental health issues are no excuse to cheat and lie to people have been good enough to help you out.
Sell stuff and get a proper job so you can actually afford to live and contribute to the world.

You need to go to her with a proposition as to how you’re going to pay her back, and you need to stick to it.
Did you expect her to write it off?

Can you blame her? I know you’re not in a good place financially but it’s her money and you need to be honest with her.

It’s irrelevant how much money she’s got, she helped you put so you need to respect her and tell the truth. And never borrow money from friends again without a clear repayment plan,

You need to prioritise paying her back. Work out how much and how often you can, realistically and keep to it. As far as she can see you are not making any effort and it is a substantial sum. Borrowing/loaning among friends rarely works out well.

The best thing for you and her is to find a way to repay and set up manageable payments.

She might appear to have money but you don’t know the ins and outs of her finances OP.

I understand it’s hard for you but I would look at a solution in which you pay her back.

They’ll take in to account benefits

How long ago did she lend the money?

You might be affecting her MH with you debt, lies and lack of payment

Pay her what you can today.

Tell her you can’t manage the whole payment in one go, ask what she would accept as a monthly payment.

Also stop missing payments and bullshitting to her, no wonder she’s fed up with you, anyone would be if you fucked them around non stop when they gave you money. In future don’t borrow money off people

not the point is it!
You owe it you make a payment plan you stick to it.
She lent it in good faith. If you were my friend I'd never lend you another penny after this as you lied to me.
You are making this about you and your MH. What about her and her MH and her friend taking the piss.
Your attitude seems to be if she couldn't afford to lose it she shouldn't of lent it, you are not a friend. Pulling the MH card is low.

Oh, my goodness. Nobody deserves that!