I owe a friend

[Applebaby]

I am in a bit of a mess. I had some time off work with MH problems and my bills were mounting up. I borrowed money from my friend - £1600. I am back at work now, but only recently. She is asking for her money back and I’m finding it really overwhelming to pay all at once. I keep making promises to pay and breaking them and making excuses. I am due to pay her today after yet another excuse last week and I just don’t have it.

I am embarrassed and really low. I am worried it’s going to affect my MH again with the constant anxiety.

i want to contact her to ask if I can pay it back monthly to clear it and make it a bit more manageable. She has previously messaged me saying I am putting her under stress and making threats to come to my house with another family member.

can anyone advise how I go about fixing this? I really am so low

How much have you offered to pay back monthly?

300

Of course she’s getting fed up with you. You borrowed alot of money over two months ago, probably with promises that you will pay it back asap, and she’s not seen any of that money . Pay her £200 or £400 straight away, and then set up a direct debit to pay monthly installments of £200 or £400 etc.

Can you afford that? You need to make sure it’s an amount you can stick to so that you don’t mess her around any more.

So its going to take 6 months for you to pay this off? After messing her around for two months? I wouldnt be suprised if she comes back asking for more than that a month op. You arent being fair on her why did you borrow so much without the means to repay her?

This! I wouldn’t be happy with £300 a month after you’ve already took the piss for 2 months.

😆

Get. A. Loan.

They will take into account your benefits

It will be affordable I will be short but I can live like that I just feel so terrible

You shouldn't have ever taken the money when you knew you didn't have the means to pay it back. Any kind of payment plan should have been discussed before, not after.

I have a feeling your friend will never see her full £1600 back.

So why did you take the money when you knew you couldnt repay her back in full like the original agreement? Im guessing that was the agreement else you wouldnt of had her threatening to come to your home,

OP, just checking, im assuming you maxed out your overdraft potential before you asked her for help? If not is there any chance of you going into your overdraft to give her a bit more as 300 a month is going to take a few months to pay back. What was your plan originally?

Of course she can’t just afford to give you the money. “Just to be clear” the fucking audacity of it.

She made a massive error of judgement believing your woe is me shite. You have to pay her back, speak to the bank, you’ve not even tried.

And how do you think she feels?
What was the original plan?

I really sympathize with your position, but if she says she needs it back she needs it back, it's her money. She says that this is putting her under stress so it obviously is having a financial impact. Just because she may be in a better financial situation than you doesn't mean she has 1600 quid to spare, very few people would do.

When you borrow money from people it's on you to repay it before you do anything else. Unless she's recalling this loan before she said she would, you have to arrange a way to pay her back really promptly.

I am embarrassed and really low. I am worried it’s going to affect my MH again with the constant anxiety

Have you considered what any anxiety about this could be doing to her "MH"?

FWIW I think you've done the right thing in coming clean that it'll have to be instalments, but for pity's sake don't default on those too, and in future avoid borrowing what you know you'll struggle to repay

The key to this is honesty and communication. Contact your friend and apologise for your broken promises and let them know you do want to, and will pay her back. Offer an amount you can pay today and then set up a manageable payment plan that you can definitely stick to.
One she has received some payment and assurance from you, she will probably feel better.

I think you need to give her what you can today, and put to her in writing that you will pay in 4 installments. Write which dates you will make payment on, and how much. Then set up a payment on your banking app, or go into the bank and arrange it. Send your friend confirmation that youve done this.

Apologise in the letter for taking a while to get in a position to start paying her back, and express your gratitude for her helping you out.

As long as you keep to the payments, then you are doing what you can.
We all need a bit of help sometimes. Its important to keep to your word though and pay people back. Its your friends money, and she could be under pressure you dont know about, but even if not, its still her money, and youll feel better to start paying it back and so will she.

Yiu should have discussed how you repay when you borrowed.
It was obviously not going to be repaid in one go.

She has got back to me she’s very rightly pissed off but agreed for me to pay her back monthly. I feel a little lighter. Sorry this was my first post and I just needed advise. I didn’t mean to upset anyone

When you first recognised that you couldn't pay her back in full, did you at least offer a part-payment?

Im glad she has excepted your offer and you feel better.
Now stick to it! No ifs, no buts, no nothing. If you have to eat mash and gravy for one week every month do it!
Don't be surprised if she is no longer your friend after the last payment

It's good you have finally been honest and proposed a repayment plan that you can keep to. It may be a symptom of your illness but you need to be realistic and not avoid the truth. I think your friend is probably most annoyed by you mucking her around - although threatening you is totally out of order.

I fully understand why she did. I have really let her down

Its her money not yours and I imagine she is very concerned as you are now avoiding her.

You will need to borrow the money from someone else, devise a realistic repayment plan with them and repay the first friend the full amount with a huge apology for messing her around.