I owe a friend

[Applebaby]

I am in a bit of a mess. I had some time off work with MH problems and my bills were mounting up. I borrowed money from my friend - £1600. I am back at work now, but only recently. She is asking for her money back and I’m finding it really overwhelming to pay all at once. I keep making promises to pay and breaking them and making excuses. I am due to pay her today after yet another excuse last week and I just don’t have it.

I am embarrassed and really low. I am worried it’s going to affect my MH again with the constant anxiety.

i want to contact her to ask if I can pay it back monthly to clear it and make it a bit more manageable. She has previously messaged me saying I am putting her under stress and making threats to come to my house with another family member.

can anyone advise how I go about fixing this? I really am so low

She’s not going to get blood out of a stone. If you can’t get £1600 together all at once, you can’t.

While you wait to hear from her, draw up a list of your income and outgoings, then work out a repayment amount that pays the debt as quickly as possible but doesn’t leave you unable to live. Then offer her this amount as a monthly repayment, explaining how you arrived at the figure. She can either accept it, break the law by harassing and leaving you concerned for your safety, or she can submit a case to the small claims court.

If you are being threatened with violence, then you need to phone the police.

Sorted now’s meeting her next week with her first payment. Thanks for anyone who took time to reply

Can you pay her back through your bank that way you've a trail and you're less likely to miss if it's a standing order

I'm not sure we can ever know this about other people. Several members of my family keep tapping DSis and me for money. We don't have much at all. We are just very careful with it and budget. You can't assume she is rolling in it.

However, she lent you money when you had MH issues and were not in a position to think clearly about the realistic repayment terms. I'd give her as much as you can today, and set up a scheme to pay her as much as you can each week, or each month, coming straight out of your account on payday, until the debt is cleared. Show her that you have set up a standing order or direct debit for an affordable amount. Be honest, say that when you promised to pay it back you were not thinking straight about the reality. You are prioritising the debt but you have essential outgoings too and so will have ot pay it back in stages.

Just make sure you don't behave like a CF and be seen knocking back cocktails or booking holidays when you still owe her the money. Live very frugally until the debt is cleared.

Good you are repaying this

You’re not going to pay her back, are you?
You’re going to assume the position of victim and then fall out with her.

Poor woman. She sounds like a good friend.

Good that you are sorting this out.Now sit down and write down everything that comes in and goes out down to the last penny.Make a strict food budget look at what you can sell on marketplace and Vinted.If you are short find a community larder where you will find food to help you out.Is there anything you can claim ie FSM for Dc.Dont put yourself in this position again your MH will really suffer.Good luck.

You should pay what you can now. You've messed her around enough, she was good enough to help you when you needed it.

Am I only the only one that thinks lending a friend £1600 and then expecting it back 2 months later is a bit much. Surely someone so desperate for £1600 cannot then magic it up after 8 weeks to repay them? It's not like it's a couple of hundred pounds, it's a whole month's wage for some.

Send her £500 now, before she asks again, and then phone her and tell her that you are struggling and can you pay the remainder over the next 3 months. If she says no you'll have to suck it up and pay it, but she's more likely to say yes if you preemptively pay her.

That's a terrible attitude

My friend lent me a good chunk of money nearly two years ago. I paid it off in installments until I got the deposit back on the flat I was living in, sent that to her and then carried on paying back what was left. So it can be done!

To those stating I’m not going to pay her back. I am, I just needed advice on how to broach the conversation on how to pay it back where it was manageable. I wouldn’t have came on here asking on how to have the conversation.

Wow, you are a CF. What about her mental health!?

Are you hoping she gets that fed up of you she writes it off to experience? The friendship is shot anyway

Your other comment regarding her being well off is what has caused people to think you wont pay her back.
It didnt come off well.
Bank transfers over cash so you can track it. You could do anything with the £300 you pull out cash.

You haven’t communicated with her honestly that’s the issue. There’s nothing worse than someone lying to you and fobbing you off and letting you down.

You should have said from the get go that you wouldn’t be able to pay her back in one go.

I didn’t mean it to come across wrong. I get extremely anxious and try to over explain. I was walking in circles round my local park trying to build the courage to contact her and get advice here. Sorry if I was unclear.

I thought the same. All the talk about messing her about we hen realistically she obviously could just give her £1600 within a few weeks.

Lending money to friends is a terrible idea and so often ends badly. Please arrange and official bank loan. They won't be mixing personal feelings with it so it will be easier for you to handle.

Pay her
every penny
its not your money

Read the full thread

I think some of the comments on here have been really Cruel tbh.
@ApplebabyI am glad you have spoken to her. Sometimes we bury our heads in the sand when we need fo be honest and forthright. If you struggle moving forward tell her in advance and have a solution if you can.
I imagine bank loans and overdrafts would have been the OP’s first port of call. For some they are not an option.
Walk a mile and all that….