In laws request change mortgage/postnup.

[ThisGutsy]

My husband is due to receive inheritance, because of this, his mother has requested to change our mortgage from joint tenants to tenants in common, which would include a post nup! We’ve been together for 20 years & married for half of that so to me it seems weird to request this at this point of our marriage? Just wondering what others feelings are on this matter or have advice moving forward. I’m not keen on the idea.

On the flip side my parents have been married for over 50yrs very happily and are currently proceeding with tenants in common. The other parent will still live in the house and even be able to move. What it means though is in the event of either of there deaths and the remaining parent remarries, the new partner won't be able to access the deceased parents money left to there children. If I remarried again I would absolutely insist on it as I would not want another partner inheriting money that should go to my children.

We should always be worried about protecting money... from scammers, cons and fraud... not our 20 year been in the family dil. How hurtful op. I wouldn't agree to this if I were you. Your husband should have more respect then this.

That is arguably a rational and symmetrical response to a different issue, to protect inheritances from the effects of remarriage to any unscrupulous gold digger, or a daytime tv show host. A different kettle of fish to what the OP's DH and MIL are initially proposing on the back of an inheritance from not-the-MIL.

She has one colossal nerve, doesn't she?

The woman needs firmly telling that your family finances are none of her business. What's more surprising is that your husband hasn't already done this.

I’ll be honest, if DH wants to go down this route i’d sign nothing until he receives the inheritance and then I’d call an end to the marriage. The inheritance would be a marital asset so he’s lose half.

The fact your DH mentioned this at all is disgusting - it’s hardly as if you have been in a very short relationship.

Your MIL sounds awful and your DH almost as bad.

In my mind, they have both damaged your relationship with them permanently.

I guess shes worried you will get divorved and you will be entitled to half the inheritance, and i guess its not your money, if he dies then it is yours as your raising his children

That’s really odd in my view. If the inheritance is coming directly to your dh, then mil can’t tell him how to spend it or what to do with your mortgage. I think I must be missing something here 😵‍💫

Agreed - especially if you have a good relationship.

I think my FIL would be the opposite! Ever since I married his son his attitude towards me has changed to the extent that I'm now his daughter in his eyes (now signs my birthday cards "Dad", etc) and everything we have should be shared, even if it meant that his own son could potentially be out of pocket!

No not missing anything. I’m as confused as you are ha!

It's bizarre that your MIL thinks that this inheritance gives her the right to dictate the legal terms upon which you and your DH own your house, which you've both worked and paid for together.

Tell your DH that if this is to be the case, you also want your work in painting rooms, re-grouting the bathrooms, doing the garden etc. taken into account in assessing your share of the property value.

Or MIL could butt out of your house ownership decisions. It's not her house and she hasn't paid a penny into it, presumably.

I don’t think OP is objecting to the arrangement itself or disagrees with you more that someone outside her marriage is trying to dictate it!

It hasn't 'been advised' by anyone other than his mother.

Hard no

Say it's not happening, you're 20 years into a marriage, you're not planning to go anywhere, is he? IF not, then just ignore her.

I think I'd be tempted to go back to MIL and say, "If you're worried about me being a gold-digger, love, I'm afraid the gold has already been dug" 😂.

Well the answer's easy really. He says to her 'Okay' and then does nothing about it. When she asks if it has been done, he says yes.

Why she thinks she has a say in this matter is beyond me, so just humour her.

Im not sure why everyone is getting their knickers in a twist.

If the inheritance now means that the matrimonial estate is higher value and that there might be an IHT liability then it can be sensible to hold the property as tenants in common 50:50. This doesn't put the OP in any worse a position than if she owned as a joint tenant. It is also helpful to protect the home in a situation where one party might need care.

Don't be ridiculous - a father cannot be removed from the birth certificate (if he is the natural father). OP would just look batshit/thick as three planks if she were to threaten this!

We sought out independent finanacial and legal advice when I inherited. The house has been moved from joint to a 50/50 tenants in common under a trust fund set up. That was done to ensure if one of us dies our children inherit that share rather than care costs hovering up the entire estate. The remaining spouse has the right to live in said house for the duration of their lithe time or until they need to enter a care or nursing home. It also gives some protection for our children if a surviving spouse was to remarry and the complications that have the potential to arise from.

Maybe you could suggest seeking an independent financial advisor as a first point if the potential amount is significant. that will confirm if the advice offered has been good or otherwise in your families situation.

If he wants to avoid an atmosphere or confrontation with his parents, he can just say he's done as they've suggested and leave it at that. The interfering old duffers are probably going to be long gone by the time your mortgage is up anyway.

That would have been a consideration of the grandparent who chose not to add it. None of MiL business, the money was not left by her.

What is going on is the MiL is being a busybody. Nothing to do with her.

Blimey I would be simultaneously angry and hurt by this. Presumably with twenty years of marriage you’re far from lacking in age/life experience and capable of making your own financial decisions?

My MIL is the same, was pressuring DH to get a pre nup to protect himself, and suggests ways he can keep his bonuses from me. Our party line is our finances are private and we won’t discuss them.

I suspect MIL is probably just better informed about tax planning. Holding as tenants in common is no different to holding as joint tenants in terms of fairness assuming it's a 50:50 split.

Why is it her business and what does your husband say?

I would find it very hard not to say something to MIL about this, I confess. She certainly wouldn’t be getting any favours from me going forward!

I doubt the gp would’ve thought that way. Who would, unless we see it happen. Which we have - publicly. I’ve also seen it privately. People do the funniest things where ££ is concerned. She’s just being careful. The mil doesn’t gain from it. The op doesn’t lose either.