In laws request change mortgage/postnup.

[ThisGutsy]

My husband is due to receive inheritance, because of this, his mother has requested to change our mortgage from joint tenants to tenants in common, which would include a post nup! We’ve been together for 20 years & married for half of that so to me it seems weird to request this at this point of our marriage? Just wondering what others feelings are on this matter or have advice moving forward. I’m not keen on the idea.

Wow - that is utterly bizarre!! I’m also shocked your dh even thought about passing this idea on. Whether he intends it or not it makes it look like he is planning to leave you. Idiot.

People on here are behind the times and so is Ops mother in law. It is possible to protect inheritance from becoming part of the joint assets since the SC judgment in Standish.

I don't think she has a say does she if it's directly from you grandma?

Could agree to change, then change it back (if you trust your husband that is)? I don't think it's very nice that they're suggesting this so I wouldn't feel guilty about deceiving them if it was me.

I don't think I could accept money from someone if one of the conditions of receiving was they're allowed to be a dick to me.

My husband recently inherited a share of his parents' house. He knows I'm unlikely to inherit anything. He put it in the joint offset account against our shared mortgage, and when I said something about "his" money, he straightway said it was family money. It'll probably get spent on the kids.

That's the reasonable approach in a longstanding marriage. Your MIL's idea is not and I can understand why you'd be very disappointed that your husband entertained it, it smacks of mistrust.

I just don't think I have an enough HRT on. Surely there's a point you just say fuck it, take a chance. I mean you do that if you go down the 20 something get together & married.
I kind of feel that by facilitating family connections over decades I deserve a seat at the table.

Well, your MIL has just ruined your previously good relationship. It's none of her business as the money isn't hers. Nothing you have done would lead her to believe that you are some sort of gold digger that your husband needs to be protected from. I'd be fuming. He should have taken a leaf out of his sister's book and ignored the idea completely.

Your MIL is just thinking objectively about protecting the money for her children.

I wouldn’t blame her for raising the suggestion. But it seems inappropriate after 20 years together. I would be saying No to my husband very strongly on this and expecting him to take my side and say No to his mother.

I’d be furious in your shoes OP, how dare she involve herself in your marriage like this? Your finances are your business, not hers. And the money is not even coming from your MIL, it’s coming from your husband’s nan. I’d also be furious with my husband for even suggesting such a thing to me rather than simply shutting it down with his mother.

What is with parents trying to financially control their adult children like this? It’s so creepy and unnecessary.

It would not bother me, because if I was planning on staying married, it will benefit me too, and if we did split up, it's already been helping with the day to day living expenses if you're bringing your mortgage down.

My best friend's mother came in to her marriage the wealthier one after an inheritance. My friend's mother died in her late 60s. The father remarried in his seventies. The new wife is set to inherit what the mother brought to the marriage, as the father has wrecked his relationship with my friend and told her he's cut her off. So my friend's mother's inheritance will now be going to the new woman and HER children, in the likely event of her outliving the father, and assuming the father doesn't change his mind and leave it to my friend and her brother. So, I can totally see why the MIL in the OP's case would want to prevent that from happening, if she possibly could. If there are grandchildren I'd bypass the OP and her husband and leave it in trust if they are under 18 or gift direct to the GC.

It's not personal, imo, to the OP, the MIL is aiming to protect the inheritance for her GC, long-term.

They're cheeky, old bastards for suggesting this. I can't believe your husband presented the idea to you in the first place. A man would've told his parents not to be so stupid and go and do one.

Tell M-in-Law to butt out.

Job done.

We gifted DD a significant sum as a house deposit. This has been ringfenced should they decide to split. I love my SIL but that doesn't mean I want to give him £££ should he or indeed she, decide to divorce. They were both fine with that.

I'd be saying nope to that.

I would probably agree that (if there is a watertight legal way to do this) his inheritance is ringfenced for him in case we did divorce at this stage.

But i'd also be looking, in that case, at any money i would be bringing into the relationship in the form of future inheritance, and any money i had already brought in (inheritance) and have either those amounts ringfenced for me, or deducted from his inheritance and ringfence the rest.

Is that even legally possible? I may also ask MIL why she's suggesting this and what does she know that i don't

We were advised on doing our wills to change to TIC. I can't remember the detail but it's to do with care home fees so if one of us needs care before the other we cannot be forced to sell the house to cover this, leaving the other without. I think the first to die would leave their half in a trust for DC rather than directly to the other or something. I know I should understand this better but what I'm saying is that it is in NO WAY even slightly to do with cutting each other out of shared assets or one of us leaving each other or even the possibility of divorce. It's entirely to keep the assets between me, dh and dc.

Edit: I've checked my notes and TIC means The deceased's share can be left to anyone specified in their will, or distributed according to intestacy rules. So if one of us dies then their half is left to our dc so it won't be used against care home fees for the other that's it. If dh dies, dc inherit his half and only my half is used for my care home fees.

We changed our home ownership from joint tenants to tenants in common, entirely because of things I've read about children of previous spouses losing out to second wives if the widower remarried. I was not having that happen to my child. It also protects that half in case the surviving spouse has to go into care. Our will does state that the remaining spouse has a lifetime right to stay in the home.
Post-nup request is weird though.

@ThisGutsy, this is a simple matter. Firstly, it is your husband’s decision, not his mother’s. Secondly, it will either become ‘marital property’ or not. This depends on how your husband handles the money, and is specific to an inheritance not just any asset. You can look this up or take advice. Once that is determined, you need to look at the inheritance and tax position in case you or he dies. Good luck.
Edit: PS - your tenancy is a matter between you and the Land Registry, again not MIL’s decision.

Oh dear sorry OP but your husband is thinking about a divorce.

If his mother said this and he did not laugh and tell her not to bring it up in a conversation again he see this as a valid choice.

He did not come out with guess the crazy idea mum had today he when is this an idea we should look at.

@ThisGutsy Have you thought of speaking to a solicitor to find out EXACTLY what it would mean to you and your family and the pros and cons of it?

Because I don't think it's as bad as you think

@SirBasil yes of course. Anything my DH inherits or is given will be protected in exactly the same way as mine is. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander obviously.

I agree wuth pp upthread that this is your husband's decision and he should not have mentioned it to you.

Aaah, I have one of those types of mothers. In the end I sent my parents a text stating very clearly that my husband and I don't discuss inheritance or money with anyone.
She kept wanting to know about his recently deceased mother's estate and kept making empty threats about wills, pretending to be funny. It irritated me so much.

It's interesting because I come from a country where inheritances are not shared with spouses. I don't have an opinion on that but I think after 20 years of marriage I would be offended also.

My husband has said he will not push it on to me
So why did he even mention it to you? Have you told him how it makes you feel?

OP how much approx are we talking about?

Will you get an inheritance at some point? Are the amounts comparable?

Postnups are more suitable to literally after marriage, soon after, they often consolidate the prenup.

I do think a postnup soon after marriage that excludes what you bring in and also inheritance is really useful and not a bad thing, after all an inheritance is supposed to go to who you want it to, it can be generational family money and shouldn’t end up being taken in a divorce imo

The request for tenants in common is nonsense. A postnup 20 years in seems odd. Maybe grandma needs to set up a trust.

We already had ownership of our property as tenants in common 50/50 so we could put the property in Trust for our daughter if one of us died and she wouldn't then be dis-inherited if the surving spouse re-married. I appreciate there are still issues with this form of ownership but it worked best for our situation.

My mother offered us some money on condition that we changed the percentage ownership more in my favour so I declined the offer. She ended up giving it to us anyway when she knew I was determined not to upset the long standing marriage with such matters but she included a 'letter of intent' with the gift that it wasn't 'meant' for my husband (who she never liked) and said 'that will give you evidence of a greater claim if you do end up divorcing'. I don't recall ever keeping the letter and we are just about to celebrate a milestone wedding anniversary. I appreciate some up thread say it is a matter for OP for your DH however I did have to talk to my DH about it as he needed an explanation of why I had temporarily found the need to not speak to my mother for a few weeks or invite her round for her regular Sunday lunches.