In laws request change mortgage/postnup.

[ThisGutsy]

My husband is due to receive inheritance, because of this, his mother has requested to change our mortgage from joint tenants to tenants in common, which would include a post nup! We’ve been together for 20 years & married for half of that so to me it seems weird to request this at this point of our marriage? Just wondering what others feelings are on this matter or have advice moving forward. I’m not keen on the idea.

HNRTT. Sorry to hear that, OP. It must be upsetting.

If you feel strong and confident and don't want to be weak and mistreated then instruct your DH you don't accept this passive 'floating an idea' and 'MIL wants' about someone else's inheritance. He should tell his DM to forget this as you are family or you know where you stand with him.

Then say Good for your DSIL for having your DBIL's back, at least she knows who her family is.

If they want to progress this then tell him to tell MIL to tell you face to face to make her feel the weight of asking this rather than being pleasant to your face in the future.

Good luck.

'@ThisGutsy , it's 'The love of money is the root of all evil'. (1 Timothy 6:10)

I'd ask your PIL why they want a postnup now, do they know something you don't?

This! I wouldn't be impressed with him if he were mine. He should have shut it down the minute it was mentioned. That he hasn't would make me question his feelings about the longevity of the marriage.

Probably he just wants to shut his control freak mother up and you agreeing is the easiest way to do that, but I dislike mummy's boys so that's no excuse, he shouldn't be happy to insult you as a solution and hope you don't realise. Then throw you under the bus as the bad guy who won't do it, as a preference to straight up telling her no, off his own back and never mentioning it to you.

You're the one he should be protecting from his mother, he's just shown you his first priority is protecting himself.

Also if it is an inheritance the will has to be followed. If the money has been left to him then his mother's opinion on that is irrelevant and she shouldn't be voicing one, just complying with his Nan's wishes. Who the hell does she think she is, trying to insert herself into your marriage like that?! Shit stirring bitch is probably wanting to cause an argument between you. If you didn't already know, she's not your friend, I'd distance myself from her.

Hard no - that’s ridiculous. Let him handle it with her, don’t engage further and have a little time-out from the MIL. Absolute batshittery when you’ve been married 10 years.

One of my parents is like this. Slightly different circumstances as my spouse has older children.
Honestly, we haven't done anything legal as such but for one inheritance from my side I took out a policy so the same figure goes to my children.

I don't want to cause upset with elderly relatives at this point it's easier to let them feel that there assets are protected than it is to cause family drama but in the long term I can't see it being an issue.

My husband and I spent the few thousands that’s were left by one of my Grandmothers on stuff and the household.

He won’t inherit anything from his parents, they sold their home and rent ! I suspect they gave the money to other family members.

If my husband was saying to change the deeds on the house, it suggests he doesn’t see a future with you.

I would be furious.

I wouldn’t be seeing her again either, and he would be seeing to himself too.

Do you have children that aren’t his?

ThisGutsy, as you get on so well with MIL maybe just ask her what her reasoning is, get it all out in the open?
You’ll probably be able to clear up any of her worries & form an even better relationship?

"My husband has said he will not push it on to me."

That's big of him. He can't. Too late.

There's a particularly vile ad campaign running at the moment for lawyers offering this kind of service, and perhaps it's wound your MIL up. If she is foolish enough not to let it go and discusses it directly with you, I think I should ask her coldly "what do you take me for?"

@Inlawout I've also had this discussion with my parents about future inheritance that will be split 50/50 between me and my DSis. Despite being married for 15 years and together for 20 years, they would rather her share not go into her marital pot, incase she then dies and her partner remarries. I’ve been with my DP for 10 years, but haven’t said the same thing about me, to me. I’ve kindly told them that when they’re dead, will they really be worried…🙄

Finally, if they do progress down the post nup route then they need to set out what they want in writing and you'll need to spend a significant some to get independent legal advice. I hope it doesn't come to that. If it does, I'd be interested how, of itself, changing the ownership title in the way they want would impact on any future settlement, depending on your jurisdiction (am off to research).

Best way to deal with this particular breed of MIL is to totally ignore her ideas.

Just carry on as if she didn't suggest anything.

When your husband regurgitates his mum's ideas at you, just say no that's not what's happening.

Tbh particularly if there are kids involved I don’t think this is an invalid concern.

I’ve come across lots of situations where men have remarried where this has been a factor.

So sorry.
Could it be something to do with your MIL's feelings towards her daughter's husband. Maybe she doesn't trust HIM but she would be concerned to treat her children's spouses differently?

But also surprised your DH didn't query it.

Er. No. Your mil has no right to put stipulations on your husband's inheritance. He can spend it all on chocolate bars if he wants. He doesn't have to pay off your mortgage with it, that's up to him. But ultimately you married and your mil must understand that this means you are a team? I'd tell her to do one myself.

I’m not sure what the relevance of tenants in common is. Surely any inheritance is separate from the “matrimonial home”? Or has he inherited a house and it’s that property that you MIL wants as TIC ?

If it’s just money, then put it in a savings account and think about it later.

Another tactic is to hold a mirror up to your MIL's suggestion. You could do this by asking her what was in her pre-nup, post-nup and mortgage arrangements.

The look on her face trying to squirm an answer out would be priceless, worth all the hassle she's putting you through.

Is he planning to use the inheritance to pay off some of the mortgage? I am struggling to see the link between the way you own your property and the inheritance tbh

Tell her you’ve done it with a 75% share in your favour

I would say No and see what happens next.

And this is what's wrong with your attitude. The OP and their DC are his primary family now. Referring to "family money" whilst not including the OP, the person he married and chose to build a life with, in the definition of "family" is so so very wrong.

They asked, you said no.

The real bone of contention will arise if they act upon your no (although I don’t see how they can given this is a bequest directly from your DH’s DGM to him. They don’t have a legal leg to stand on). If they nonetheless try to make it a thing I’d be telling them that they are doing everything right to see that their son ends up rich and divorced. Money is the root of all evil, if you give it that power.

Only people who know the price of everything and the value of nothing push things like this.

That said, the same applies to you. The fact is, your DH has said he won’t entertain this. Except that for what it is: he is not putting money above your marriage. Don’t dwell on this to the point it changes things. It’s within your control not to dwell. You won’t forget, but you don’t have to harbour offence either.

Absolutely do not do this @ThisGutsy

Your MIL does not get to dictate the financial arrangements in your marriage.

Its not even her money to begin with!

Edited to add that the fact your DH has brought this suggestion to you means he also thinks it’s a fair one. I’d really think about what that tells you about how he sees things…

This!

Honestly, OP, I'd ignore this suggestion. It doesn't even make sense as a way of protecting this money (which belongs not to MIL but to DH), unless I've missed something. If you love your MIL just smile and nod and change the subject. It's not her business or her decision as she must know at some level.