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In laws request change mortgage/postnup.

195 replies

ThisGutsy · 17/09/2025 10:26

My husband is due to receive inheritance, because of this, his mother has requested to change our mortgage from joint tenants to tenants in common, which would include a post nup! We’ve been together for 20 years & married for half of that so to me it seems weird to request this at this point of our marriage? Just wondering what others feelings are on this matter or have advice moving forward. I’m not keen on the idea.

OP posts:
Maray1967 · 17/09/2025 13:28

I agree no post nup but TIC is extremely sensible. DH & I are TIC and PIL have recently changed from JT to TIC. If one of you goes into a care home and you are TIC, after both of you are dead the Local authority can only take half the value of the house. If you’re JTs they can take almost all of it.

Maray1967 · 17/09/2025 13:31

Ultimately this is to do with house ownership not mortgage. DH and I are TIC but there is no longer any mortgage.

LoyalMember · 17/09/2025 13:32

ThisGutsy · 17/09/2025 13:14

Wow! I didn’t expect this huge response, thanks all! Yes we have children that are ours, no children from previous relationships.

DH returned home after having the conversation with his mum & just said it’s been advised. He has no idea what he would like to use the inheritance for, but yes it probably would be used to pay off some of the mortgage.

Sorry, but that's pathetically noncommittal and passive. You would, and should, expect your husband to tell them to mind their own f#cking business.

NotABiscuitInSight · 17/09/2025 13:34

I wouldn't be happy. I'd say I took my vows and the legal contract of marriage seriously and nothing has changed that makes me want to change my legal standing. End of.

Ultimately it comes down to trust. If I inherited or won 10 million, I wouldn't be seeking to ring-fence it.

OP, I don't want to be a bitch but I have to ask, is there any way this is coming from your husband or any chance he wants a divorce and he and MIL are framing her as the bad guy and to add an external pressure of (not looking like a gold digger)?

Because everyone knows marriage means legal rights, so why seek to change them?

FictionalCharacter · 17/09/2025 13:37

ThisGutsy · 17/09/2025 10:45

Well this is the weird thing, MIL and I have a brilliant relationship! She has also asked her daughter to do this with her husband, who has ignored the idea! The inheritance is coming directly to my husband. We both work, both pay towards the mortgage and have a brilliant marriage. I just don’t want to continue our marriage with this control. My husband has said he will not push it on to me, however the fact it’s been mentioned & already ruffled my feathers.

If the inheritance is coming directly to DH from his grandmother, it isn't MIL's money and it's nothing to do with her.

What does she think a "post nup" is?!

Your DH should make it clear to his mother that he makes his own financial decisions, in consultation with his wife.

Bigcat25 · 17/09/2025 13:39

God, sorry for the typos. Was your husband advised by a lawyer op, or just his mum?

Lovingbooks · 17/09/2025 13:39

ThisGutsy · 17/09/2025 13:14

Wow! I didn’t expect this huge response, thanks all! Yes we have children that are ours, no children from previous relationships.

DH returned home after having the conversation with his mum & just said it’s been advised. He has no idea what he would like to use the inheritance for, but yes it probably would be used to pay off some of the mortgage.

It sounds like MIL has got a bee in her bonnet, advice by who? You are married what is your DH implying by accepting her view over yours. Of course inheritance could be put to good use so that you all benefit. I would play it that I refuse to sign anything without my own “advice” his reaction will be most telling if he sees this as his instead of ours.

Billybagpuss · 17/09/2025 13:41

Surely your DH has a will that leaves it to you anyway. Does mil have any reason to believe your marriage won’t last?

Are you likely to inherit in the future?

nixon1976 · 17/09/2025 13:41

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/09/2025 10:53

Blimey, neither of us would even countenance such a thing. It’s staggeringly disrespectful to your marriage and hurtful to you. I can’t see how the suggestion won’t damage your relationship so I’d follow the sister in ignoring it. Has it made you see your husband in a different light?

This. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

But I would never think of her in the same light again, that's for sure.

nixon1976 · 17/09/2025 13:43

Zilla1 · 17/09/2025 13:16

'It's been advised..' still conveniently passive. Nothing to do with me. Tell him to grow a backbone/get off the fence.

Quite.

You've been together 20 years, joint children. If he inherits, you both inherit. You're a team.

I will inherit nothing, my husband will inherit quite a lot. We will share it, and pass it onto to our JOINT children.

I'm shocked by her (and him)

godmum56 · 17/09/2025 13:46

ThisGutsy · 17/09/2025 13:14

Wow! I didn’t expect this huge response, thanks all! Yes we have children that are ours, no children from previous relationships.

DH returned home after having the conversation with his mum & just said it’s been advised. He has no idea what he would like to use the inheritance for, but yes it probably would be used to pay off some of the mortgage.

that's plain weird...

MabelEstherAllen · 17/09/2025 13:52

OP, please get good advice before agreeing to this. If your husband dies before you and if there’s any possibility he might have any secret debt, you could be really screwed if you change the ownership to TIC. If you’re Joint Tenants and he dies before you (and it happens far more frequently that men die before women), then the house will automatically pass to you. If the ownership is TIC, then his share of the house will be used to pay off any debts before any remainder passes to you. TIC can leave women really vulnerable, so please make sure you get good advice.

mondaytosunday · 17/09/2025 14:00

My parents set up a trust so that if one of us married and divorced the ex could not have any of it (don’t ask me the details, this was in another country and that was basically the idea, none of us were married at the time). But if I had just straightforward inherited I would have certainly had it as family money, as it would have been if my DH inherited. I trusted my husband explicitly, and he me. He earned far more than me and was very generous.
I would not be happy either a post nup or losing the right of survivorship. I’d be asking why.

Renoonabudget · 17/09/2025 14:02

He can put it in a single account in his name if he's so concerned about keeping this money away from you. They can all get fucked with the changing the mortgage to an unequal weighting after 20 years of marriage and kids!

My husband would never even broach this with me, he would have told his parent no and I wouldn't have even heard abput it. When I got a 60k inheritance I whacked it all on the mortgage when it came to the end of the fixed rate term. We're a team and I considered it joint money!

AxolotlEars · 17/09/2025 14:05

99bottlesofkombucha · 17/09/2025 11:13

I’ve been married for close to 20 years and if my dh suggested this I’d say firmly oh no if we have to get lawyers involved at this stage I think we should keep it simple and just go straight to the divorce. Then I’d ask mil next time I saw her why she wants her son to be divorced, as that is surely the obvious outcome of asking me 20 years in for a postnup, so presumably that’s her goal.

I would say this too! How outrageous for your mil to overstep in this way. The audacity!

DuchessofReality · 17/09/2025 14:06

I would try to keep things as factual as possible. I think there is a huge danger here of either the blind leading the blind, or Chinese whispers blowing things out of proportion.

It is entirely possible that the solicitor dealing with the estate has mentioned in a general way that maybe a post nup would be a good idea. Or talked to the MIL about inheritance tax planning in general. That would be a sensible conversation for a solicitor to have, and of course may lead to increased fees for them.

And then MIL has mentioned it and DH has mentioned to you.

But what seems to be lacking is a coherent explanation of why it may be a good thing for any of the parties involved. And I think, if possible, it would be good to put aside the emotion and understand the pros and cons of anything that is being suggested. And asking those questions would make it clearer where these suggestions are coming from and why.

Don't forget that MIL has presumably recently lost her mother. Either with or without her blessing, a portion of her mother's estate has come to her son rather than to her. There may be some emotions on her side tied up with this that have nothing to do with how she thinks about you.

Taking the house/mortgage/tenants in common bit first. This would not seem to have anything to do with divorce protection. IANAL but the house is clearly a marital asset, and how it is owned doesn't change that. So a change to tenants in common would be for one or both of two main reasons - to split the ownership unevenly (but that wouldn't matter on divorce, only on death) and then to allow transfer on death to pass under a will. So if the house is owned TIC but DH's will leaves everything to you, nothing has changed.

If the idea is that DH leaves it to someone other than you, then TIC would allow this to happen, but the most common thing to do in this case would be to have a life interest trust for the spouse, going to the children on the spouse's death. It protects the inheritance for your joint children from either the children of a second marriage after the death of the first spouse (a more common problem if the woman is the first to die) or from a 'predatory marriage' of the second spouse, as marriage invalidates a will, and so sometimes widows can be vulnerable to someone wishing to marry to obtain assets.

Assuming you have a long and happy marriage to DH, the people that benefit from this arrangement are your children, to the detriment of a hypothetical future spouse of yours. That doesn't seem a particularly bad idea.

The post nup is obviously more of an issue. I presume the answer to the question 'MIL, why do you want DH and I to have a post nup' would be 'so that you don't get any of this money he received from my mother if you divorce'.

And that might be a reasonable wish, and it may be what happens anyway even without a post nup. But it might be worth exploring what a likely post nup would look like.

Between a happily married couple in long marriage, a post nup should consider the needs of the couple first. If ring fencing this inheritance would mean that you would have an inferior house to your husband should you divorce, is this what he would want? If the assets that you both have currently without this inheritance are more than sufficient for the needs of both of you, would you want some of this inheritance that came from his grandmother? Would you be content for this to be placed into trust for your children on divorce, for example?

Anything anyone tells you, do your own research and don't assume it is true/correct in your situation.

ItsaMOBone · 17/09/2025 14:20

We gave our DD a chunk of money for a house deposit when she got married. There is no way on earth we’d have advised her to do a prenup let alone a post-nup. It’s a deeply offensive concept. (As it turned out, her DH’s parents also gave him money - more than we gave her. They didn’t suggest it either. It’s not “normal”.)

Rosscameasdoody · 17/09/2025 14:36

ThisGutsy · 17/09/2025 10:32

His Nan has died so yes inheritance. My husband floated the idea past me & I expressed how unhappy I was with this idea. I’ve looked into tenants in common & it’s not a road I wish to go down at this point of our marriage.

OP I’m sorry to say that if he decided to change the terms to tenants in common he can do so without your consent. When you say he ‘floated it past’ you in what way did he couch it ? Is he seriously considering it ?

Rosscameasdoody · 17/09/2025 14:39

MabelEstherAllen · 17/09/2025 13:52

OP, please get good advice before agreeing to this. If your husband dies before you and if there’s any possibility he might have any secret debt, you could be really screwed if you change the ownership to TIC. If you’re Joint Tenants and he dies before you (and it happens far more frequently that men die before women), then the house will automatically pass to you. If the ownership is TIC, then his share of the house will be used to pay off any debts before any remainder passes to you. TIC can leave women really vulnerable, so please make sure you get good advice.

OP doesn’t have to agree to it. He can simply serve her notice that he’s changing the terms of the tenancy and go ahead without her consent.

holrosea · 17/09/2025 14:39

Hi OP,

Absolutely not suggesting that you might or should divorce over this, but from a quick glance at the Rights of Women guide to finances in a divorce, there is no distinction made for inheritance in matrimonial property:

"Matrimonial property is any money, property or assets owned individually by you or your spouse or which you own jointly." Then it goes on to list how this might be a house, savings, pension, etc..

What I mean to say is that his mum sounds a little misguided in that there is no way to protect "his money" in a marriage, because by marrying you he agreed to make everything legally and financially joint and shared. As PP have pointed out, pre- and post-nups are not legally binding in the UK and the only thing that could really influence the split of equity in a property is a deed of trust.

I can understand why him proposing it has ruffled your feathers. I am a cynic and love a confrontation so I'd have all sorts of questions lined up:

  • does he not see you as a team?
  • does he think that he should get a financial benefit over and above you and/or his kids?
  • by proposing TIC, does he plan on splitting? Protecting "his half"?
  • Does he no longer plan on leaving you "his half" upon his death?

Someone less snarky than I may want to look at Relate for guides to talking about money. I think you need to sit him down and tell him why this has upset you rather than letting it fester.

A guide to financial arrangements after marriage breakdown - Rights of Women

This legal guide sets out the law when separating your finances following divorce or judicial separation.

https://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/family-law-information/a-guide-to-financial-arrangements-after-marriage-breakdown/

Elsvieta · 17/09/2025 14:40

Why wouldn't you want to be tenants in common? It means if one of you needs care the other half of the house can't be taken to pay for it - if one spouse dies without needing care they can leave their half to someone else (but that person doesn't benefit til the second spouse is dead). Then if the widowed person needs to be in a care home, only their half counts as assets. I don't understand why anyone does anything different - what are the supposed advantages of being joint tenants? You should be tenants in common for your own sake. But it's very weird for in-laws to be commenting on your financial arrangements like that.

Refuse the postnup, obviously. And politely tell the in-laws, if they say anything, that you'll stick to discussing your finances with your husband. And he can discuss his inheritance with his granny's solicitor. They sound a bit over-involved.

ruffler45 · 17/09/2025 14:44

I thought that tenants in common or joints tenants only relates to ownership of a property. The mortgage is just a way of paying for a property regardless of the type of ownership.

Does MIL actually the wording of the individual wills which can say anything regarding other money (i.e. inheritance money) or goods.

Lovingbooks · 17/09/2025 14:46

TIC he could leave his share of the house to whoever, OP doesn’t get a life interest automatically unless he writes his will that way and wills can be changed. All this is putting op in a worse position than now as stands if he dies she gets his share automatically. If he’s considering this it does suggest he doesn’t think the marriage will last I would be hurt. Also because MIL thinks this is a good idea suggests interference and control. Protection against care home fees is often cited as a reason for this but unscrupulous unqualified will writers say this which leads me to Advice. It would be interesting to know where the MIL has got advice..

Scottishskifun · 17/09/2025 14:46

My MIL has recently stated similar to DH and I - in her words well how do I know you won't just take it all which I found charming as its not from her estate by DHs granny.

DH wouldn't even entertain the conversation with her though.
I am a believer that the money should remain with the person it is gifted to but yes there are certain things I would expect my DH to use some money towards such as the mortgage and some home repair bills.

Skybluepinky · 17/09/2025 14:52

Your mil hates you, don’t agree.

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