In laws request change mortgage/postnup.

[ThisGutsy]

My husband is due to receive inheritance, because of this, his mother has requested to change our mortgage from joint tenants to tenants in common, which would include a post nup! We’ve been together for 20 years & married for half of that so to me it seems weird to request this at this point of our marriage? Just wondering what others feelings are on this matter or have advice moving forward. I’m not keen on the idea.

how did he float it? Did he say "Mum has suggested"?
"I'd like to"?
"what do you think of this"?
Did he say why he wanted to do it?

Did he say what business it is of hers? Ie why she is involved?

Not sure if you had a church wedding, but the words ‘let no-one out asunder’ come to mind, and I would be quoting them to my MIL if she had tried that one.

But your DH must be pretty thick to repeat that suggestion to you. I would really be rethinking things, and possibly being more protective around my own finances going forward.

Sorry Op, that’s a shitty suggestion. If there is a sensible context to it , DH needs to explain pronto.

Money really brings out the true nature of people doesn't it! I've been married to dh for many years, during that time I've inherited money from my grandparents and parents and have always put it into the joint "pot". It's been used to upsize property, bought as we always have done, as Joint tenants. It's been deposited in the joint bank account and used to pay off overdraft, loans etc in both names. Never once did I, or my family, ever consider that dh might divorce me in the future and take half of it and insist on conditions in wills where he'd never have access to it etc Yet, when his dad, who I have always got on well with, made welcome in my home, included in all occasions and even ended up help care for in old age, made his new will after MIL died, he specifically had a clause included that stipulated that the inheritance was to go to dh only and in the event that something happened to dh, either before FIL died or before the estate was distributed, then dh's share of the inheritance was to go to another of FIL's blood relatives, it was definitely not to go to me or our children. Dh was most embarrassed about this and tried to get FIL to change his will (he'd given him a copy for safekeeping). FIL wouldn't budge and actually admitted that his Solicitor had asked if he was sure and told him it was a very unusual way to do things and that a special clause would have to be included. I, personally, felt very hurt on behalf of myself and our children. However, I continued to care for FIL, did all his shopping, took him to medical appointments etc, I did it for dh as he'd helped me care for my own parents but I was hurt and never felt the same way about FIL again. It wasn't about the money, it was the knowledge that FIL really didn't give a damn about me or the children. My own darling dad would have been of the mindset that if something had happened to me then dh and the children would have needed his inheritance money even more. I'd be absolutely fuming with your MIL.

My MIL wanted to change her will to leave to g-children not her sons (including my DH). Her husband dissuaded her. I took the message she intended. We don’t now speak (though this was years ago and my effort fizzled out over years, not just this issue)

I don’t see a problem but then I’m financially practical and have seen the impact on family finances by divorce, death and remarriage.
TIC is very sensible. Speak to any financial adviser and they would recommend this.

I can see where she is coming from re inheritance. But you can choose to ignore it. Or if you were ever to divorce you could choose to exclude it from the marital assets if you feel that strongly about it. Ultimately it is your Hs money.

I can see your MIL's pov but unless it's her own will she wants to specify this in, she can't make you.

The issue with Joint Tenancy is that it can lead to children being disinherited if the surviving spouse remarries. A tenants in common arrangement alongside mirror wills that name the children as ultimate inheritors but the surviving spouse having a lifetime interest in the property is functionally no different from what happens if there is ownership by joint tenancy and the surviving spouse leaving everything to their children without complications. The difference comes in the event of remarriage as then all previous wills become void and the whole property could end up being inherited by unrelated children of the surviving spouse's new spouse.

We own our home with a joint tenancy bit since I had cancer last year (thankfully now recovered) it has been preying on my mind that if I died while DH is young enough to have a 2nd-round family my child could potentially be disinherited.

I wonder this. What did he say?

Im on fence. My dh is coming into a sizable inheritance and Iv suggested a post nup to protect his asset. He was a bit flabbergasted I suggested it but as I said you never know what the future holds

What an absolute cow. How can she try and control your financial affairs in this way?

She has no right to know what type of mortgage you have. Absolutely ridiculous and I'd be seething and beyond insulted.

So, does she have a similar set up? I doubt it.
If dhs grandparents wanted it protected in this way, they would have arranged their affairs in that way. They didn't.
Leave dh to sort with his mother.

Do you and your husband have children, @ThisGutsy . If you do, are they all both of yours?

I'd love to see the reciprocal Gransnet post and reaction.

But... wtf does your mil have to do with it anyway if it was left to him by his gran? or was it left to her and she's gifting it? Either way, this isn't what I'd stand for. to change your mortgage?! No way. I would agree to ring fence it, but that would then go for your inheritance too. I don't like this protectionism in a strong, trusting marriage. Not the place for it

Doesn't tenants in common mean 1 partner can sell their share of the house without the consent of the other tenants in common? Unlikely that he would, but that alone would be enough to make me put my foot down.

@Peoplemakemesigh as I said upthread look at it from the other side. You are married. Your parents leave you (as you are talking normal house prices) £300k. You and your husband equally pay into a mortgage but this would reduce what you both pay each month by say £600 which clearly you can then do what you want with that so clearly you both benefit from this arrangement, including him.

You then say to your partner if we actually break up after 20 years, kids, and a full life (meaning something must have gone catastrophically wrong) let’s just set that money aside considering it’s mums money.

His response was then, oh well I may be benefiting now and in the future from this money coming in at this point (through lower mortgage payments, probably not having to work as long, benefiting if the house was sold to release some money for retirement) and I love you so I don’t want to blow up my marriage but I am going to now blow up said marriage on the principle that your mum, in this situation of a divorce doesn’t want half of it to go to the ex husband …..

Well, if I was you I would be heading to the divorce courts first.

Absolutely no - marriage is ‘for richer, for poorer’ you therefore each accept upside and downside risk financially, surely. If he inherits then it’s a family asset regardless of what happens afterwards (ie if you divorce!) Can understand the sense of a pre-nup if there’s a significant imbalance of wealth brought into the marriage, but for me anything that comes afterward is automatically joint.

Does your dh have full understanding about what he's actually asking or is he just thoughtless?

My dh has absolutely zero interest in money. I'm the total opposite, work in finance and am fairly financially switched on - so I handle all of our finances, from bills to investments, insurances, all of it.

If MIL put this suggestion to dh with a casual enough approach and a list of benefits, I can absolutely see him glazing over and nodding along then suggesting it to me with the same level of importance he'd assign to suggesting a new electricity supplier 😂 He just probably wouldn't think but I imagine would be fairly shocked after hearing my take on it and would sincerely apologise.

As PPs have said, if the inheritance is coming straight to DH it has nothing to do with MIL ... unless, that is, she's an executor and attempts to ignore the directions in the will

And this is where your DH comes in; he's already failed to tell her not to be so ridiculous, so I'd worry whether he's so keen to get the money that he'd throw you completely under the bus

You mentioned that he'd "floated the idea past you" @ThisGutsy, but haven't said what attitude he's shown himself, and the answer to that may make a difference

Are you in E&W? The rules on inheritance vary a lot by jurisdiction.

If in E&W as pp say, inheritance cannot be withheld by your MiL if its in the DGM will. She is trying it on and risking upset to her DC relationships. I would not be changing the terms of my mortgage/tenancy based on her say so.

You need to check the latest on this but last time I had cause to check, if an inheritance is kept in a separate account it doesn’t count has shared property in the event of divorce. If its in joint names or used for joint ventures then it is counted as shared. However 20 years into a relationship and especially if you have DC I’d be giving her the side eye for the suggestion (I’m assuming your marriage is not at imminent risk of ending).

Wow! I didn’t expect this huge response, thanks all! Yes we have children that are ours, no children from previous relationships.

DH returned home after having the conversation with his mum & just said it’s been advised. He has no idea what he would like to use the inheritance for, but yes it probably would be used to pay off some of the mortgage.

'It's been advised..' still conveniently passive. Nothing to do with me. Tell him to grow a backbone/get off the fence.

I'm the same, I find it easy to be practical & non emotional about these things BUT I've observed a few situations where a person you would never, ever have believed to change or become underhand when it comes to money do just that.

I don't understand MIL's logic but I'm not in the UK. You've both paid towards the house. What would the changing the mortgage terms mean for you? Would you loose your equity in the home entirely? Normally inheritence would be separate anyway, unless the recipient chooses to share. Is it that different in the uk? From my understanding it's not.

What does she want the post nup to entail? Regardless of any agreement, if your husband wants to share the funds with you he can so I don't see the point.

I have to agree that money and families seem to bring out the worst, a simple family bereavement with no expectations of inheritance turned into a can of worms by my in-laws and my son who under age got dragged into a family trust situation we had no idea about and could cost hundreds of pounds in legal fees to sort out, why people create so much drama around money is beyond me. You are married I don’t get this our side of the family money.

‘No thanks hubby. I trust you and hope you trust me and in marriage what’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine. I don’t want a post up or to change my mortgage and because I’m hurt it’s been suggested I don’t want to discuss it again. Thanks’