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Original poster

Buying a house with partner who has children with ex

374 replies

Kjv83 · 22/08/2025 20:25

So I am just about to buy a house with my partner. We are going in 50/50. He has children from his ex partner but I dont have any and we wont have any of our own in the future. Am I being unreasonable by saying I want his half of the house signed over to me in the event of his death and not the children? They only live with us 8 days a month so its not like they will be homeless. As far as I am concerned, if one of us dies then it should go to the other person to alleviate the pressure of selling the house whilst grieving etc which is ultimately what would have to happen. Plus if he left his half to the kids then I would want to leave mine to a third party meaning we could both be in a situation where we would be homeless in the event of death. If its signed over to the survivor and we had a life insurance policy covering x amount to pay towards the mortgage to reduce it by the half that the deceased was paying then all would be good. The added complication is that I am needing heart surgery due to a childhood defect so getting life insurance is going to be a mission..... I have a group life policy through work which he is a beneficiary of which I guess may have to do? Basically, I am stuck in quandrey as I feel like people will think im being selfish but I relinquish any responsibility for the children and he knows that, I dont see why they should benefit from me. He can have a separate life insurance payable to them. Is it as straight forward as I think? Legal advise is just a minefield 😫 has anyone been in same position?

OP posts:
TheClaaaw · 01/10/2025 09:25

Kjv83 · 01/10/2025 09:13

Not every one has only their house to give as inheritance. Some people have life insurances, death in service etc as well as money in the bank. Think we need to not hyperfocus on the housing situation. No parent will see their child go without just because they decide to gift the house to one another upon death.
Divorce is a difficult subject to cover.... in our relationship I am the one bringing in more money, putting more into the house after the deposit as my partners divorce cost him dearly and came out with only just enough to restart together

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Regardless, his share of the house should go to his children, not to you. It sounds like you’ve got plenty of money to support yourself so why are you trying to stop him passing his assets to his children?

Original poster
Kjv83 · 01/10/2025 09:32

TheClaaaw · 01/10/2025 09:25

Regardless, his share of the house should go to his children, not to you. It sounds like you’ve got plenty of money to support yourself so why are you trying to stop him passing his assets to his children?

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No he is choosing to not give them the house to provide me stability and vice versa. If either was to die tomorrow, there would be hardly no equity anyway to go to any party and we would be left in a situation whereby the survivor would have to sell the house. If he died all his inheritance due would go to them in addition to life insurances. We want to not add to eachothers grief. You need to look at the bigger picture here

OP posts:
TheClaaaw · 01/10/2025 09:42

You’re contradicting yourself now. You said you’re “bringing in more money and putting more into the house”. If that’s the case and it’s sufficiently significant to be of any relevance then how could there be “hardly no [sic] equity anyway”?

What do you mean “all his inheritance would go to them anyway”? If he’s received an inheritance then why would he not have money to pay a house deposit?

I’m afraid your story doesn’t make any sense but what does shine through very clearly is your callous and dismissive attitude to his children which shows that you should not be marrying anybody who has children.

lobster1974 · 01/10/2025 09:59

Kjv83 · 01/10/2025 09:32

No he is choosing to not give them the house to provide me stability and vice versa. If either was to die tomorrow, there would be hardly no equity anyway to go to any party and we would be left in a situation whereby the survivor would have to sell the house. If he died all his inheritance due would go to them in addition to life insurances. We want to not add to eachothers grief. You need to look at the bigger picture here

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I agree, my partner and I have taken steps to ensure we are financially secure and protected in the event of either of our deaths.

Original poster
Kjv83 · 01/10/2025 10:00

TheClaaaw · 01/10/2025 09:42

You’re contradicting yourself now. You said you’re “bringing in more money and putting more into the house”. If that’s the case and it’s sufficiently significant to be of any relevance then how could there be “hardly no [sic] equity anyway”?

What do you mean “all his inheritance would go to them anyway”? If he’s received an inheritance then why would he not have money to pay a house deposit?

I’m afraid your story doesn’t make any sense but what does shine through very clearly is your callous and dismissive attitude to his children which shows that you should not be marrying anybody who has children.

Do the maths! There would only be the deposit in the house if he died imminently which is 50/50. As its a new purchase, minimum payments towards the mortgage made. Therefore no/minimal equity accrued hence very little for them to inherit from the house. We are going 50/50 in relation to the deposit and the monthly cost but i am going to be the main person who contributes to the refurb as i have more money in savings and earn more. He has alot of money coming from his parents and grandparents on their death which would automatically be passed to him, if he isnt here, then it goes to the kids. He was only left with enough to pay 50% of our deposit out of the divorce. End of.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kjv83 · 01/10/2025 10:02

lobster1974 · 01/10/2025 09:59

I agree, my partner and I have taken steps to ensure we are financially secure and protected in the event of either of our deaths.

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Which i feel is right! Many others don't and thats fine but it seems we are in the minority. I was warned that this would be the case and that I would be ridiculed for mine and my partners views on what we wish to do 🙄

OP posts:
Freshfacet · 01/10/2025 10:07

TheClaaaw · 01/10/2025 09:42

You’re contradicting yourself now. You said you’re “bringing in more money and putting more into the house”. If that’s the case and it’s sufficiently significant to be of any relevance then how could there be “hardly no [sic] equity anyway”?

What do you mean “all his inheritance would go to them anyway”? If he’s received an inheritance then why would he not have money to pay a house deposit?

I’m afraid your story doesn’t make any sense but what does shine through very clearly is your callous and dismissive attitude to his children which shows that you should not be marrying anybody who has children.

So it’s blessing that these children are subjected to visiting so infrequently

Freshfacet · 01/10/2025 10:08

Basically, I am stuck in quandrey as I feel like people will think im being selfish

what “people” will know that you are concerned about?

lobster1974 · 01/10/2025 10:09

Kjv83 · 01/10/2025 10:02

Which i feel is right! Many others don't and thats fine but it seems we are in the minority. I was warned that this would be the case and that I would be ridiculed for mine and my partners views on what we wish to do 🙄

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I know the feeling! Ignore them, your life with your partner isn't their business anyway.

SanityWhatsThat · 01/10/2025 13:33

Not read the whole thread, but your partner is deluding himself if he doesn’t realise with JT that you could very well easily change your mind and your will after his death if you inherit his half…

This happens a lot - it happened in my family with my aunt leaving her property to her partner who was supposed to on his death leave it to other family members but conveniently decided to otherwise once he had legal ownership...

So your partner should if he wants his kids to inherit anything simply grant you a lifetime interest.

kirinm · 01/10/2025 13:58

What sort of a bastard says he doesn’t want his kids in something those kids might one day read. He sounds like an arsehole.

CandidHedgehog · 01/10/2025 14:55

Kjv83 · 22/08/2025 21:18

So hang on.... its ok for him to leave his half to his kids and i therefore have to move out and start again but im expected to leave my half to him and he remains and his kids eventually benefit from my monetary input seems as I have no one to leave it to? Think not 😂 as joint tenants (which is what we are planning) we will automatically leave it to eachother, tenants in common you can stipulate. What I have been recommended to do is do joint tenants then put in place a will that says after we have both gone then it can be split between his children and my part can go to whoever I see fit. This means we will both get to live in to through to the end of our lives and ultimately his kids only get his part and not that whay I contributed to. This is not a red flag. I never wanted children, he knows this and I do not financially contribute towards them, never will. Thats up to him, bring kids into the world, he pays for them!

Well, no. Nobody is saying you need to leave your half to your partner.

A life interest to the partner followed by the value of that person’s half of the house going to whoever that person wants seems the sensible route for both of you.

TheClaaaw · 01/10/2025 17:44

Kjv83 · 01/10/2025 10:00

Do the maths! There would only be the deposit in the house if he died imminently which is 50/50. As its a new purchase, minimum payments towards the mortgage made. Therefore no/minimal equity accrued hence very little for them to inherit from the house. We are going 50/50 in relation to the deposit and the monthly cost but i am going to be the main person who contributes to the refurb as i have more money in savings and earn more. He has alot of money coming from his parents and grandparents on their death which would automatically be passed to him, if he isnt here, then it goes to the kids. He was only left with enough to pay 50% of our deposit out of the divorce. End of.

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How strange. Now you’re claiming you’re “going 50/50 with the deposit and monthly cost” yet a few posts ago you claimed that you were putting more money into the house than him.

You’re contradicting yourself constantly. You’re fooling nobody.

TheClaaaw · 01/10/2025 17:45

Freshfacet · 01/10/2025 10:08

Basically, I am stuck in quandrey as I feel like people will think im being selfish

what “people” will know that you are concerned about?

Anybody who reads this thread for a start, I should imagine.

TheClaaaw · 01/10/2025 17:46

Kjv83 · 01/10/2025 10:02

Which i feel is right! Many others don't and thats fine but it seems we are in the minority. I was warned that this would be the case and that I would be ridiculed for mine and my partners views on what we wish to do 🙄

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Yes, we can all see what you wish to do: disinherit his children.

What’s surprising is that you seem to be surprised that people aren’t in favour of such behaviour.

Original poster
Kjv83 · 01/10/2025 18:56

TheClaaaw · 01/10/2025 17:46

Yes, we can all see what you wish to do: disinherit his children.

What’s surprising is that you seem to be surprised that people aren’t in favour of such behaviour.

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Not disinheriting anyone 🤣 you clearly cannot read or just overlook the details I.e. me saying how/why i am putting in more. Nor do you seem to have a life as sit on here all day commenting rubbish on posts. Didn't come here for your sole opinion so kindly stop entertaining us!

OP posts:
PocketSand · 01/10/2025 19:17

Do your partner’s DC know that he never wanted them? You have broadcast it on here over and over. It’s not all about money. What emotional impact this will have?

Original poster
Kjv83 · 01/10/2025 20:48

PocketSand · 01/10/2025 19:17

Do your partner’s DC know that he never wanted them? You have broadcast it on here over and over. It’s not all about money. What emotional impact this will have?

We really dont get your point but whatever it is I think you are barking up the wrong tree! 🙄

OP posts:
TheClaaaw · 01/10/2025 20:52

PocketSand · 01/10/2025 19:17

Do your partner’s DC know that he never wanted them? You have broadcast it on here over and over. It’s not all about money. What emotional impact this will have?

This.

And what an awful father to marry a woman who detests his children.

Original poster
Kjv83 · 02/10/2025 07:41

TheClaaaw · 01/10/2025 20:52

This.

And what an awful father to marry a woman who detests his children.

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You are boring! You obviously do not read! Now go and get on with your life instead of trying to bring my almost perfect life and perfect partner down 👍

OP posts:
TheClaaaw · 02/10/2025 10:22

Your “perfect life” which you feel the need to seek advice about from strangers on the internet, and then become furious when the vast majority didn’t say what you wanted them to say and, therefore, resorting to making rude personal comments to other posters about whom you know little or nothing. Thank you @Kjv83for the amusement you’ve provided, albeit unintentional.

TheClaaaw · 02/10/2025 10:27

Freshfacet · 01/10/2025 10:07

So it’s blessing that these children are subjected to visiting so infrequently

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It’d probably be more of a “blessing” for them if they were allowed to see their father without having to tolerate this woman he’s shacked up with. It’s hardly surprising they don’t want to visit given the contempt seeping from her posts here even when she’s desperately tried to portray herself as reasonable; one can imagine how she must behave towards his children in person.

Original poster
Kjv83 · 02/10/2025 10:39

TheClaaaw · 02/10/2025 10:22

Your “perfect life” which you feel the need to seek advice about from strangers on the internet, and then become furious when the vast majority didn’t say what you wanted them to say and, therefore, resorting to making rude personal comments to other posters about whom you know little or nothing. Thank you @Kjv83for the amusement you’ve provided, albeit unintentional.

Edited

I simply asked what others in a similar situation to mine would do or did. Clearly you arent in the same position as myself or some others on here so perhaps shouldnt have put your two pence in. At the end of the day you are entitled to your opinion as that are what forums are for. People can say what they like but ultimately its up to us how we see fit. Its very contradictory of you to say I got personal when you (and others) also made comments about me and my partner when you know very little about us and only proceeded to form opinion on the basis of the limited information provided. How very grown up of you!
You obviously have nothing better to do with your time than try to bring me or others down but luckily I am confident in the person I am, the relationship I have, the comfortable home I provide my partners children and my very exciting future therefore am unaffected by your noise 👍

OP posts:
Original poster
Kjv83 · 02/10/2025 13:59

TheClaaaw · 02/10/2025 10:27

It’d probably be more of a “blessing” for them if they were allowed to see their father without having to tolerate this woman he’s shacked up with. It’s hardly surprising they don’t want to visit given the contempt seeping from her posts here even when she’s desperately tried to portray herself as reasonable; one can imagine how she must behave towards his children in person.

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They love coming to visit and hate going home. Infact the number of days we have them has now increased! Me and the children have a good relationship; I've told you this before but once again you choose to over look that and continue to have a dig. Its getting tiresome

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