Buying a house with partner who has children with ex

[Kjv83]

So I am just about to buy a house with my partner. We are going in 50/50. He has children from his ex partner but I dont have any and we wont have any of our own in the future. Am I being unreasonable by saying I want his half of the house signed over to me in the event of his death and not the children? They only live with us 8 days a month so its not like they will be homeless. As far as I am concerned, if one of us dies then it should go to the other person to alleviate the pressure of selling the house whilst grieving etc which is ultimately what would have to happen. Plus if he left his half to the kids then I would want to leave mine to a third party meaning we could both be in a situation where we would be homeless in the event of death. If its signed over to the survivor and we had a life insurance policy covering x amount to pay towards the mortgage to reduce it by the half that the deceased was paying then all would be good. The added complication is that I am needing heart surgery due to a childhood defect so getting life insurance is going to be a mission..... I have a group life policy through work which he is a beneficiary of which I guess may have to do? Basically, I am stuck in quandrey as I feel like people will think im being selfish but I relinquish any responsibility for the children and he knows that, I dont see why they should benefit from me. He can have a separate life insurance payable to them. Is it as straight forward as I think? Legal advise is just a minefield 😫 has anyone been in same position?

You come across like you dislike his kids. Why are you in a relationship with a man who has kids and responsibilities? Of course he should leave his half of the house to his kids and not you

My Aunt bought a home with her partner. Both have two adult children each. My Aunt left her half to her son's with the condition that her partner could live in the property until he died/moved into a home/wanted to sell - and her partner made the exact same stipulation in his Will, leaving his half to his children. This arrangement is not unusual, if both of even one half of a couple have children from a previous relationship. You can't honestly expect your partner to cut his own children out of his Will???!!! Why would he leave his half to you, when you already have your own half?! I suggest you think about what you are actually taking on. This man has children, and I assume children under 18. It's always possible those children who currently are only staying with their Dad 8 days per month, could end up staying permanently if something was to happen to their Mum! You aren't just taking on your partner, but his children too. Wholeheartedly accept that, or let him find someone who will.

Yes he will do they will get it when we are both dead. I chose him not his kids 🤣 i cant get with someone then meet his kids 6 months later and then dust him off because I dont like them although I havent said I dont like them, I just think they could be a little more respectful etc but I think its the ex wife's doing as she doesnt discipline them like he does. They have different parenting styles

I have no issue with his kids having his half when we are both gone. It was before we are both gone i had the issue with as I was leaving my half to him so he need not move out etc and we didn't know we could allow the survivor to continue living in it til their death for it them to be split. He doesnt want them to have it til we are both gone so please check facts before coming at me. We simply asked what other people had done or suggested. I accept his children, we get on well, there is no issue between me and them at all!

But if you’re planning on marrying the man and buying a house with him then it’s naive to say you chose him and not his kids.

You literally said you didn’t like them in your previous post.

And your tone has conveyed that throughout.

I feel so sorry for them, go karts or no go karts.

How can you feel sorry for kids who are loved by their parents and get everything they want and need and are brought up in a comfortable safe environment by two couples? Weird

I knew he had them and this doesnt bother me. Never has never will. Like i said I didnt meet his kids til way after we met, couldnt fall in love with the guy then get rid just because his ex wife doesnt bring them up properly! Overall they are fine, just the teenage years kicking in along with some influence from the ex wife

You keep mentioning the fact that the environment is safe, warm, they have money spent on them etc.

What you don’t seem to get is that what kids need more than any of that is to feel loved. You say they are loved but is that really evident in your house? Living with a stepmother who actively dislikes them and a father who didn’t want them and only puts up with them as long as they don’t get in the way of his Big Important Job is not a loving environment actually.

Errrrm my partner loves his children very much thank you as do they love him. Its not my place to love them, i know for a fact their mum would lose her mind if she knew I loved them. I treat them as my own when here but not in an overly affectionate way. She trusts me with them and is happy with how I am with them. If she had any concerns I am sure should would raise those with my partner and would have agreed to mediation when we suggested it in previous. Whilst they may test my patience and I disagree with how they are sometimes, I do not actively dislike them or show them any negativity! Again this has nothing to do with the subject matter so why dont we leave mine and his relationship with his kids (which is perfectly fine!) out of all this! Fed up with repeating myself to be honest. Its like people come here and just read what they want and feel the need to put their 2p in regardless of how irrelevant it is! You are not the childrens mother and she is happy with me and my care for her children. Thanks

Money does not equal love.

Trying to buy love or use money to rid of guilt or obligations really isn't a substitute.

The kids will know what a dead beat who doesn't love them he is.

It's not up to the ex wife to bring them up.

Its an abdication of responsibility to even phrase it like that.

If she's struggling it's probably to do with the lazy fuckwit who doesn't give two shits about his kids (but hey look he threw a lot of cash at them to demonstrate how much he loves they, so that's ok and the kids will just forget how much he can't be arsed with them).

Nice projection.

Keep trying.

Wtf are you on about? You really are deluded! Keep trying to stick up for a dead beat mum who milks everyone she meets for money yet cant be arsed to work a day for herself 😂 absolute joke. They love their dad and he loves them. He does alot for them more than most dads i know. Now kindly get a life and get off my thread before I report you as well

Na.

I'm just not money obsessed.

HTH.

Nor am I, i have enough money of my own i dont need his unlike his work shy ex. I dont agree with people feeding off of people ex wife or not!!!!! You obviously have feck all money to worry or care about. Feel sorry for u! Anyway just off to tuck the kids into bed before meeting with their friends they met on holiday when we took them away this year for the 2nd time for another fun filled day out tomorrow 😆 good night 🤭😴

Absolutely agree with this. The OP is facing some crazy responses. No one is entitled to anything really in life. I would rather my parents and in-laws use their money to suit their lives now than keep fretting about leaving it to us kids.

jesus Christ I’m talking about children. They are obviously still children, not 40 year old adults. When you are talking about children in the scenario their father has died, a snotty ‘people should make their own way in the world’ really just announces you’re an asshole. Some children have to make their own way in the world, it’s an enormous disadvantage and a societal tragedy that this happens. Nobody thinks it’s a fair or just outcome ‘people should make their own way in the world’

He should leave his half to his kids and you your half to another person . Mumsnet hates step parents. Could see already the charming comment about you playing second fiddle / not being important. Starts early in the thread . I would see a solicitor

You are very transactional. You seem to live a tit fir tat life and your use of a laughing emoji suggesting you think you are uncontroversially right indicates how messed up your thinking is.

you think because he wants to leave it to his dc then you should leave your half to someone else just to spite him. He has dc. HE HAS DC. You knew he had dc when you got with him.

if you were not with him you would not have the value of half the house. You think you should ‘win’ over his dc ‘loss’?

and no way would I trust you would leave everything to his dc if he died first and you got it all. A will stating what happens after your death to his share is not valid. Once it’s yours you will be able to do what you want.

You don’t even have dc of your own but you are determined his wont get a bean from you ever. You don’t like them do you. You resent them.

you have just proven that if you partnered up again after his death you would leave everything to your new partner not his dc because that is what you are expecting him to do now

dc should NEVER be disinherited over a new partner.

He can do what he wants with his part…. Except leave it to his dc apparently 🙄

So now you think women who were SAHP don’t deserve a share in Pensions.

in their case it makes sense as they agreed she would take a greater share of the other assets for a clean break. But your assertion that women who are SAHP don’t deserve pension share is both misogynistic and archaic.

you’ve made it clear several times that he couldn’t parent due to his job so she enabled him to create a good career by taking on the domestic responsibilities. This is WHY SAHP get pension share. Because he only succeeded in his job due to her. Had he actually parented fully he would not have been able to do his job. You have made that clear. Those are your words.

OP we don’t know you. We don’t know the mother or the dc. All we have to go by is how you come across here.

You come across very badly. You really do come across sounding very bitter, respectful, ill-educated and quite quite unpleasant. You are giving Eastenders standing on the street shrieking vibes. The phrases you use, your use of name calling and your overall attitude towards anyone other than yourself is somewhat crass and base. It is hard to imagine you being anything else going by your writing style and comments.

you don't seem to have understood that tenants in common with an interest in possession trust will ensure that you carry on living there for as long as you want, but at the same time you cannot disinherit his children - which it seems from your wording remains your preferred outcome

your statement that your are richer than him also suggests a very mercenary attitude to your "marriage". Statistically, as a male, he is more likely to predecease you, so if he agrees to a joint tenancy he is a fool as you can walk off with the lot which you seem to think should be the case as children don't "deserve" inheritances...