Buying a house with partner who has children with ex

[Kjv83]

So I am just about to buy a house with my partner. We are going in 50/50. He has children from his ex partner but I dont have any and we wont have any of our own in the future. Am I being unreasonable by saying I want his half of the house signed over to me in the event of his death and not the children? They only live with us 8 days a month so its not like they will be homeless. As far as I am concerned, if one of us dies then it should go to the other person to alleviate the pressure of selling the house whilst grieving etc which is ultimately what would have to happen. Plus if he left his half to the kids then I would want to leave mine to a third party meaning we could both be in a situation where we would be homeless in the event of death. If its signed over to the survivor and we had a life insurance policy covering x amount to pay towards the mortgage to reduce it by the half that the deceased was paying then all would be good. The added complication is that I am needing heart surgery due to a childhood defect so getting life insurance is going to be a mission..... I have a group life policy through work which he is a beneficiary of which I guess may have to do? Basically, I am stuck in quandrey as I feel like people will think im being selfish but I relinquish any responsibility for the children and he knows that, I dont see why they should benefit from me. He can have a separate life insurance payable to them. Is it as straight forward as I think? Legal advise is just a minefield 😫 has anyone been in same position?

No i am completely aware of the TIC meaning and am happy with this. I never wanted the kids to get nothing, it was me wondering if them getting it coukd be delayed to protect the remaining survivor. Its not a mercenary attitude its me protecting myself as the one with the money. We have very separate finances and will be that way even in marriage which I am sure no doubt some people will disagree with but thats how WE want it. I said inheritance isnt a given, I know people who wont get a penny and I also actively encourage my parents to spend every penny they have and enjoy life with it. I don't want or need their money

Thank you 😊 just because you have children i do see why it means you have to leave stuff to them. Its not a given. However I wasnt saying he shouldn't leave it to them like they make out i was

Untrue. He doesnt want them to have it til we are both gone. Thats fine with me

What i believe in is up to me. In her case she can work, could of worked, but chose not to. She still doesnt pay into a pension and is making no provisions to ensure there is a legacy for her children. Thats has been left to him it seems

No its not to spite him. I have given my reasons. My half can go to whoever I wish as can his. His children aren't an issue. Never have been never will be. He doesnt want my money and I dont want his. We would always respect eachothers wishes

Remind me again, why did you decide to ask these questions on a parenting forum rather than another money matters forum?

Yes I have got that vibe. Funny how's its MUMSnet which ahoild include all mums step or not. It should also be a place for women to speak their mind and air views, issues etc without being personally attacked but here we are! I say he is welcome to leave his half to the kids as that what he feels he should do, that was never an issue and I leave mine to my person of choice and i get called mercenary and tit for tat 🤦🏽‍♀️ cant win!

I asked a question to a forum whereby there may be people who have been in the same boat. We have had legal advice and have been given many options so wondered what others had done. I used to work in a solicitors and know that sometimes the advice they give is more based on profiting from the individuals rather than best advice. What I didnt come here for was to be ridiculed for how me and my partner bring up his children alongside his ex wife but it seems to have taken a turn in which its evident as the childrens dad's partner I will never win with what I say on here and people are very closed minded feeling like everyone should live and think as they do

Are we meant to to be impressed by a man who has a wife and a fiancée at the same time? And a woman who gets engaged to a man who was still married? 😆🫣 This is hardly something to boast about.

I don’t think you’re in a position to report anybody given you are the only person who has hurled abuse and insults at other posters.

I suspect they might tell quite a different story given your toxic comments about them and their mother. You might think that you conceal your resentment and dislike of them when they are at their father’s house but given how oblivious your comments on this thread have shown you to be that is incredibly unlikely to be the case.

You claim to respect a woman whom you have describe as a “thing”, “stupid”, “inferior to you in every way”, “poisonous”, a “domestic mother”, “toxic”, a “loser”, etc.

OK then.

She’s probably spending her money on raising her children because - like any decent parent - they are her priority: something you wouldn’t know anything about and clearly find incomprehensible.

No she spent her money on a brand new car instead of a house as she doesnt work enough to afford a house so got declined for a mortgage and her girlfriend refused to fund it. She is now in a position whereby she has no money left. How sad at the age of 40. I respect her as a parent. I dont need to like the woman! We are amicable thats the main thing and admits she doesnt like me as jealous of me..... cute!

There is nothing wrong with being engaged to someone whilst still married in my mind and its ok for you to have a difference in opinion. It just shows intent. Their marriage was well over before it was over but yet again you know nothing about this and make assumptions. You really do need to learn that people do not need to conform to your way of thinking. We are not all the same luckily

How can I report the full thread? Is making me sick to see how someone can hate so much 2 underage children and their mum.

This thread is not helping anyone, if OP is not a troll she clearly needs mental health help to work in her hate and jealousy issues. Please @mumsnet delete this thread .

Here you say she does not work enough but before you said she doesn't work.

She might not work "enough " because she can only work when tge children are at dad's home. Also why are you talking about her? You should focus this thread on helping you financially, to get a clear picture about how to purchase this house not to insult a mother and her 2 children who I remember you they are you step children.

Clearly you are only choosing to read what you wish. At no point have I said I hate the children. Nor resent them. Nor do I hate their mother and she doesnt hate me! We all get on perfectly well. Whilst you may not agree with my opinion about her on which you have no information regarding the basis on which I form my opinion, it is exactly that, my opinion! You are failing to concentrate on what the post was about which is not our fanily unit, it was me reaching out to how people may have been in a similar situation to me re buying a house with my partner who has kids with someone else. It wasnt an open invitation to comment on my relationship, the kids, the kids mother etc. Just the clear up the working thing, she didnt work til she had to which was after the marriage ended and she realised she was now financially on her own. She chooses now to continue only working one day a week employed as it interferes with her going to the gym, having her nails done etc. She has full ability to work at least 4 days a week as my partners mum and her mum has them 2 days a week for her. Oh she does do cash in hand work whilst claiming FULL benefits and committing fraud but its all ok she apparently shes the perfect mum 😂

There is a valid reason for him prioritising his dc over you. They are his dc. Children are literally the only justifiable reason to not leave things to your partner as far as I’m concerned. Because your partner should be your favourite person in the whole world. Other than the children you created.

so for you to choose to leave your money to someone other than your partner when you don’t have dc means he isn’t the most important person in your world.

so why are you with him? Why is he with you? I wouldn’t be with anyone who put anyone else before me other than children.

He thinks its fair to leave it to my nieces and nephews who i love very much so thats not for you to question. He says why should his children benefit from my wealth? Its not my position to provide for them, its his and his ex partner.

I don’t know how to do it but just wanted to say I agree with you completely. The OP is probably the most unpleasant person I’ve come across on here.

I feel for those poor kids. Their dad a largely absent, their step mum despises them and both of them think money is a substitute for time and love.

I’ve done similar. We did tenants in common and my share will pass to my children when we’ve both passed away or decided to sell after the others death xx

Already did. Still standing.

You cannot judge someone just because their opinion differs to yours. Nothing i have said is out of turn, you know nothing about my situation. The dad is very much present in their lives on the daily, just because the mother won't allow more time or his job doesnt it doesnt make him a bad dad, far from it. The kids love me and the time we spend together but thanks your concern. Money doesn't buy happiness but it helps believe me!

Yes this sounds like the best course of action. Thank you for posting and not to unfairly come at me or the way our family unit works x

Probably because this is a forum and nothing here has broken any rules. You have an opinion of me, which you are entitled to, I have an opinion on the kids mother which I am entitled to and that is based on real facts. I have repeatedly said this wasnt this post wasnt about me and how myself, my partner, the kids and his ex live our lives or about my views on things, it was about the best way to ensure the kids get the inheritance after we are both gone. You and many others have chosen to direct the conversation in a way it didnt need to have gone