Buying a house with partner who has children with ex

[Kjv83]

So I am just about to buy a house with my partner. We are going in 50/50. He has children from his ex partner but I dont have any and we wont have any of our own in the future. Am I being unreasonable by saying I want his half of the house signed over to me in the event of his death and not the children? They only live with us 8 days a month so its not like they will be homeless. As far as I am concerned, if one of us dies then it should go to the other person to alleviate the pressure of selling the house whilst grieving etc which is ultimately what would have to happen. Plus if he left his half to the kids then I would want to leave mine to a third party meaning we could both be in a situation where we would be homeless in the event of death. If its signed over to the survivor and we had a life insurance policy covering x amount to pay towards the mortgage to reduce it by the half that the deceased was paying then all would be good. The added complication is that I am needing heart surgery due to a childhood defect so getting life insurance is going to be a mission..... I have a group life policy through work which he is a beneficiary of which I guess may have to do? Basically, I am stuck in quandrey as I feel like people will think im being selfish but I relinquish any responsibility for the children and he knows that, I dont see why they should benefit from me. He can have a separate life insurance payable to them. Is it as straight forward as I think? Legal advise is just a minefield 😫 has anyone been in same position?

If I am reading this correctly you are put out that he could (will?) leave his half to his children and that would leave you homeless whilst grieving. However, it’s perfectly ok for you to make him homeless so that your money can go to a cat charity?

@Kjv83 If you are getting married the house goes into the mix if you divorce. If you are not married keep your assets separate. I think you are being harsh on dc who, presumably are not yet adults. It would guarantee a rift between them and dad if he leaves everything to you and you aren’t even married. As others have said, dc inherit after your life interest in the property.

No. Thats incorrect. He feels he should be giving it to his children it on his death if he was to go first. My problem here is that I have no one to leave it to so I expected to give it to him and vice versa then its split when we are both gone which would be delayed so I suggested he bridge the gap with a life insurance payable to them so its win win in effect. I dont think this is unreasonable

You get a will with a clause - if he dies first, you have tenancy rights until sale of the house OR your death. And vice versa. This prevents either of you being homeless.

His half then passes to his children and your half to whoever you wish.

So you are happy for his half to go to his kids as long as you get life interest to life to live there

equally you can leave your half to him - any family you have ? Best friend or animal home

We will get married soon but his divorce has only just been settled and there are other things going on that take priority. Being unmarried and him having children from previous means I have to protect my assets. Like I said I expect him to leave his half to them after we are both gone but not on his death if he does first

Yes absolutely. He just felt guilty for it being delayed til we are both gone if he goes first hence me suggesting a life insurance policy that pays to them til I go. Mine will go to him if I die first then when he goes it will be split between his children and cat protection 😂 (i joke, I have 9 nieces or nephews i can leave it to)

But I think everyone on here from the beginning has said to get his will set up to say you can live in the property until you die.

Really this is something that needs to be resolved before committing to the house or else you (or he) buy the property outright and the other one isn’t financially involved with your finances remaining completely separate.

This is the resolve. Thank you. I just think he feels guilty that they will have to wait if he goes first but he can take life insurance put payable to them which means they will get something payable on his death and then another sum when I go aswell

How old are the kids? If God forbid their mum died or became very unwell they would live with you full time. Is this something you have even thought about?

I actually think it’s rather mean to given to a cats home and not the dc of a the msn I love. If their mother has been instrumental in forming their views, you just continue to push them away and punish them all over again. Two women behaving badly doesn’t make it right in my view. They are children. It’s not their fault their parents don’t get on.

I agree with this. Op does not sound compatible with a partner who has children. Based on her posts.

Yes I think he thinks im being unreasonable by asking him to do this and so does his parents. I dont think it is unreasonable hence me asking on here and seems everyone agrees it should be done the way I suggested. I never disputed his half going to the children on both our deaths, im not that callous I just didnt want them having it on him dying, leaving me at risk of homelessness whereas that was never an issue for him as I had no plans to leave it to anyone but him!

You just need to buy as tenants in common and get wills stating his half of the house goes into trust for his kids but you're allowed to continue living in the home. This is pretty standard.

Think about it from the kids' perspective... their father dies, if his assets go to you, you can then remarry then his kids are left with nothing from their father's estate. If you then die, their father's money goes to your next husband. That's unfair on the kids. Regardless of what you think of the kids, their father is being responsible by ensuring they're looked after if anything happens to him. You won't be forced to move out if you get the wills sorted.

Maybe give your half to your neices etx

as when he dies after you the whole estate will go to those selfish kids you don’t really like

so maybe be a wonderful aunty and help your niece /nephew

I feel really sorry for the kids, the tone of voice you use when speaking about them is shocking. I can’t imagine you’re going to be a very loving stepmother.

Its already been decided that this wouldn't happen on her death. She has a new partner who wants to be in their life and also my partner could not have them full time due to his job. This was a provision that they had children in the first place, she was the sole guardian even when they were together

No im just selfish and dont think i should provide for kids that aren't mine. Doesn't mean me and him aren't compatible

I dont need to love them, they aren't mine. He is understanding with this and I dont deem myself as their stepmother as such. I will add their mother doesnt want me to have anything to do with their discipline or any other matter, the same as she doesnt allow her partner to

This is the intention 😀

This

I think you should be more focused on what is happening during life. You don’t like his children and don’t want to be in a parenting role. If you buy a house with a man with minor children, you need to be prepared for them to start living with you full time on no notice. No discussion, no preparation, you may just come home one day and for whatever reason that is now the children’s primary home. This should never be a problem because dad’s home is always their home.

if that thought terrifies you instead of thinking you can just take a deep breath and get on with it, put the brakes on this immediately.

See previous re care going forward. Living with us full time wouldn't be an option

Going against the grain here. When I was in this position, we left our half of the house to each other, and he had a separate life insurance policy with the kids as beneficiaries. I don’t see there being anything wrong with making sure your partner is ok in the event of your death!

This is so naive.

Mother and new partner tragically die in a car accident… is your partner going to say “Sorry kids I can’t have you because I have a job” 🤯