Buying a house with partner who has children with ex

[Kjv83]

So I am just about to buy a house with my partner. We are going in 50/50. He has children from his ex partner but I dont have any and we wont have any of our own in the future. Am I being unreasonable by saying I want his half of the house signed over to me in the event of his death and not the children? They only live with us 8 days a month so its not like they will be homeless. As far as I am concerned, if one of us dies then it should go to the other person to alleviate the pressure of selling the house whilst grieving etc which is ultimately what would have to happen. Plus if he left his half to the kids then I would want to leave mine to a third party meaning we could both be in a situation where we would be homeless in the event of death. If its signed over to the survivor and we had a life insurance policy covering x amount to pay towards the mortgage to reduce it by the half that the deceased was paying then all would be good. The added complication is that I am needing heart surgery due to a childhood defect so getting life insurance is going to be a mission..... I have a group life policy through work which he is a beneficiary of which I guess may have to do? Basically, I am stuck in quandrey as I feel like people will think im being selfish but I relinquish any responsibility for the children and he knows that, I dont see why they should benefit from me. He can have a separate life insurance payable to them. Is it as straight forward as I think? Legal advise is just a minefield 😫 has anyone been in same position?

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You really should follow @AgathaCristina’s recommendation and find a good therapist.

Go get lives 🤣 you are boring us now. I am not sure i am the one that needs therapy. Maybe you need to learn about accepting people's differences in opinions and how they choose to live their lives. Not be so judgemental

If he isn’t contributing equally to buying the property he shouldn’t own equal shares with you. Sounds like a piss take if he expects that. You should buy as tenants in common and sign a deed of trust specifying what % each party owns, in proportion to their contribution.

Says the person who is calling other posters “uneducated”, “losers”, and has displayed the delusions of grandeur and self-declared lack of empathy that is typical of a sociopath; the person who believes they are “superior in every way” to their partner’s ex-wife (strange that he married her and hasn’t married you, huh?) and feels that children shouldn’t receive an inheritance but that they should because they’ve been shagging someone.

As other posters have said, it’s quite funny if you are a teenager with a nasty stepmother on some kind of ironic wind up, which would explain the poor grasp of language, lack of social skills, the desperation to inflate your own ego and the absurd levels exaggeration. However, if you are a real person of adult age who genuinely believes what you have written here to be the case then I am afraid it is unlikely that any kind of therapy will be sufficient to make you a functional human who is able to interact with others without becoming a laughing stock with people giggling once you’re out of earshot.

Why are you ignoring what people tell you?

A joint tenancy does not let you split. The house belongs to both of you together with the survivor owning the whole property. They can then leave this to whoever they want on their death. You can’t put a provision in your will about what the survivor does with their assets on death.

Any stipulations in the will to say anything different would be invalid at best or could invalidate the whole will at worst.

You would need to be tenants in common to own a share each that does not autamatically go to the survivor.

I am not ignoring anyone. There are many options we are considering. He wanted to do JT and just have a life insurance payable on first death to eachother but I highlighted that the kids wouldn't get a look in so best to go down the TIC route. Then it was the conundrum of what if either of us dies first etc but got that answer now. Its now just sorting with our solicitor

We couldn't marry as he was still married til the divorce was finalised just 2 weeks ago 🤣 we have been engaged since Xmas 2023 and had to wait to get rid of her obviously. We plan to marry in the Maldivies when we go in October ith a legal ceremony here actually but you carry on making assumptions 🙄 I am a fully functioning 42 year old as is my partner who have a large circle of friends etc who do not consider how we are or how we live our lives to be a laughing matter. You are a very closed minded, opinionated person and we quite frankly laugh at people like yourself who feel the need to conform. We are not in the 1900s still if you hadnt noticed. Now please refrain from wasting your precious time on commenting on my thread before I report you. Thanks

op you clearly loathe your partner’s children and ex wife. Why on God’s earth are you buying a house with him. I feel very sorry for his kids. This is not going to end well.

To him, I expect his children are more important than a cat charity.

Ah yes. The bit on the side. Of course.

As long as his children are minors or very young adults, if he dies, all his assets should go to support his children immediately.

the good news op is that his children probably won’t be coming for their few days a month as soon as they have a vote. This situation is beyond toxic and I feel very sorry for them.

Because his ex wife is nothing to do with me, he has nothing to do with her. The kids are not an issue. Whether I like them or not they are his and we live happily when they are here and have a lovely life

Unless the new partner has parental responsibility it's not a given that he would get parental responsibility if anything happened to their mother. The default for social services would be the actual father.

They already have money in trust for them. There is nothing toxic here at all, me and the ex partner get on and respect eachother, so do me and the kids. Just because I dont like the ex wife due to her behaviour doesnt mean its toxic. Far from

??????

Sorry OP I haven't read the whole thread so apologies if what I say has already been mentioned.

You need to hold your beneficial interest in the property as tenants in common with a 50:50 split. This means that on the death of one of you the other will not inherit the share of the deceased spouse as would happen when holding your beneficial interest as joint tenants.

You will then both need to execute wills giving each other a life interest in your share of the property. This life interest will then terminate on the death or remarriage of the surviving spouse. On the happening of one of these events then your share will pass to who you have nominated in your will (normally your own biological children or someone else). This set up is very common where it's a second marriage and both parties want their own biological children to ultimately inherit their share of the property but don't want to see their partner made homeless.

Hope that helps. Xx

Yes the general consensus is exactly this so I think this is the route we are happy to go down so we dont feel rushed when one of us dies to do anything with the house and the children will get what they deserve (my partners half) and my half will go to whoever I may nominate. I thank you for your sensible response unlike some who tried to make out i didnt want the children to have anything. My concern was either of us being left with no option to sell the house if joint tenants and the survivor couldnt afford it or if the half had to go to our nominated party on first death which again would cause issues for the survivor x

But you said earlier that they have little time I respect for their Dad?

They dont. When they are here they are typical kids of their age, mouthy etc which he doesnt stand for unlike their mother. When not here they dont answer their phones and have very little contact with him. We think its more so the mum influencing this unfortunately

Thanks for keeping me entertained whilst I watch my partners children enjoying themselves karting which he funds and I support though

That’s the second time you’ve mentioned he’s paying for this. Do you think it’s unusual that a father would pay for activities while the children are staying with him? Do you think he deserves a medal for not sending the bill to their mother? And so weird for you to add “which I support though”, like you also expect a medal yourself for allowing it.

Your posts are so bizarre. Do you have no experience of any kind of family life?

Make up your mind. In half your posts you complain about them being mouthy, not respecting your partner etc, and then in another you were boasting that they bring you breakfast in bed every day.

And on the subject of making up your mind - you’ve taken every opportunity to stick the boot into the ex-wife saying that she won’t allow Dad to have the children any more than the current six days a month as it would reduce her child maintenance payments and all she’s interested in is his money. Yet at the same time you have told us repeatedly that he doesn’t want them any more than that, that his big and important job prevents it, and that he only agreed to have the children in the first place if he didn’t have to spend too much time with them. So which is it?

We take them karting which is an expensive hobby for them to have and costs over 10 thousand per year which he pays for in addition to the cms. The point i make is they are happy children with us and well looked after. We take time out of our weekends even when its not our weekend to ensure they attend competitions etc as the mother isnt supportive. I was brought up in a loving family thanks 😊

Typical kids then..... teenage ones at that 😂

So where are the go carts kept? Do they own them? If renting, carting isn’t £10,000 pa.

What relevance does that have? My partner did it til his early 20s before taking up drifting, they took an interest and got the kart and his dad, the kids grandad, maintains it as he is a mechanic. With maintenence, entry costs, trailers, time away etc it adds up obviously. As I said i dont see how its relevant but the point is they enjoy their time with us, we make sure they take part in hobbies, have time away etc and he pays alot more in addition to the maintenance whereas she doesnt do anything with them apart from drag them to the gym. Before you even start, she had plenty of money from the settlement from the sale of the family home and because she couldn't get a mortgage due to not working then she has spent all the money..... cos shes responsible like that 🙄