Buying a house with partner who has children with ex

[Kjv83]

So I am just about to buy a house with my partner. We are going in 50/50. He has children from his ex partner but I dont have any and we wont have any of our own in the future. Am I being unreasonable by saying I want his half of the house signed over to me in the event of his death and not the children? They only live with us 8 days a month so its not like they will be homeless. As far as I am concerned, if one of us dies then it should go to the other person to alleviate the pressure of selling the house whilst grieving etc which is ultimately what would have to happen. Plus if he left his half to the kids then I would want to leave mine to a third party meaning we could both be in a situation where we would be homeless in the event of death. If its signed over to the survivor and we had a life insurance policy covering x amount to pay towards the mortgage to reduce it by the half that the deceased was paying then all would be good. The added complication is that I am needing heart surgery due to a childhood defect so getting life insurance is going to be a mission..... I have a group life policy through work which he is a beneficiary of which I guess may have to do? Basically, I am stuck in quandrey as I feel like people will think im being selfish but I relinquish any responsibility for the children and he knows that, I dont see why they should benefit from me. He can have a separate life insurance payable to them. Is it as straight forward as I think? Legal advise is just a minefield 😫 has anyone been in same position?

Because that’s allowed. You may post asking a question about one thing, but when readers of your post pick up on something concerning (in this case the callous way you referred to your step-children) they are allowed to follow that thread.

Didn't refer to them as anything. They are my partners kids. We as a family do not refer to them as a my step children. That's our choice

Are you being deliberately obtuse? I didn’t say you referred to them AS your stepchildren. I said the callous way you referred TO your stepchildren caused concern, and that is why the thread moved away from your original question. You can start a thread, but you cannot then control how other people choose to respond to it.

Havent said anything that should be a concern. I have said throughout this i have no issue with them. You are creating a situation when there isnt one. My partner has read this whole thread and doesnt get what you are getting at.....

Well that’s because they are not your step kids.

I can see why you’re getting a lot of hate due to the language used, but ultimately you’re not unreasonable to want your share of the house to go to your blood relatives, over your future husbands DC who will be inheriting from grandparents. Neither are you unfair to want to not have to sell upon the death of your husband should be die first.

What about savings? Will you have separate savings? He will get a large lump sum upon retirement. Are you intending for this to pass directly to you as his spouse? I have 3 DC and i’d certainly want my DC to inherit from my years of hard work, not a second wife.

They aren't my step kids, we aren't married. We will have separate savings and joint savings as we do now. What he chooses to leave me i would gratefully accept as he would from me. If my mum died now, she would pass to my dad, surely this is no different? Just because im not his first wife doesnt mean we shouldn't benefit from eachother as if it was our first marriage. Sure we will all be seen good when the time comes

You’re engaged and are getting married soon. I apologise profusely, I should have said “soon-to-be-step-children”. Or not, because thus is just silly semantics,

No, but if you were his first wife and his savings passed direct to you, they’d go to the DC upon death of the wife as she would leave her estate to the joint DC. But in your case, his savings will go to your beneficiaries, your nieces and nephews. Why should his life savings go to your nieces and nephews? It’s no different to what your original post is about, that you don’t want half your house going to your husband’s DC. If he’s reading this as you suggest then he should keep his pension lump sum in his own name, and make sure his will states his savings go to his DC. Fine for joint savings to go to you, but do you think it’s right a huge lump sum goes to your blood relatives over his?

No money of his will go to my family or vice versa from the house anyway. Any other will go to eachother and some from him to the kids

I didn’t mean from the house, but he will likely get a large lump sum on retirement which he should ensure is in an account in his own name and will states it goes to his DC, rather than to you, which then passes to your beneficiaries. As this is what happens in a lot of 2nd marriages and kids from 1st marriages end up not inheriting at all as all passes to the 2nd wife. If I ever got married i’d be ensuring that my DC were my beneficiaries.

He has put some to me and some to them already. Again thats what he wanted but that has nothing to do with this really

Nothing to do with you providing to his dc which you seem obsessed about.
read my post again. It’s about you not leaving your share to him because he’s not leaving his share to you. how transactional.

he has a reason for doing so. His dc are the most important people in his life. You leave to the most important people.

it is valid that one’s dc come before one’s partner. That is the only circumstance anyone should come before one’s partner.

you don’t have dc so you would prioritise your nieces and nephews over your dp.

Which he has stipulated. Its fair in his eyes. He doesnt have an issue so why do you. Its strange 🤔

This was my thought. I do not think you should marry him op. Or be in a relationship with someone with children when you are so opposed to them.

3 years is really nothing in the course of a lifetime!

Everyone starts somewhere and it will be 30 yesrs before you know it!

It’s probably easier not to get married and live separate financial lives. Just work out who stays in a joint owned house. What a huge amount of fuss! If you don’t marry you keep what is yours and so will he.

Get advice from a solicitor. He would need to have in his will that his half of the house goes to you. Thats what my partner has in his will. I'm not wanting to live in a house I equally own with him and his children are waiting for me to die so they can inherit! I dont have children so if I die first my half of the house goes to him and his children will eventually get it.

Do it !! It secures your safety you can always put a clause if he passes first it goes to you then you could leave it to the children and yours to whom ever

wills can be changed whilst the person is still alive...
your suggestion provides no surety for his desire to leave an inheritance for his children

tenants in common with an embedded interest in possession trust cannot be altered after his death.

joint tenancy means the survivor can do anything they want as there are no restrictions on their 100% ownership

Flipping heck ! Thats not security then well I hope you get sorted best wishes for all your futures.

I don’t think I can recall an OP coming across as more unpleasant on a thread than this one

so if he dies first you get the whole lot and his children get nothing?

I note that you have (magnanimously) allowed his children to get their inheritance from their father if you die first

I wonder who brought more money to the marriage, you or him.... I presume it must be you given your one sided bargain and he presumably has an expensive divorce behind him.

Not every one has only their house to give as inheritance. Some people have life insurances, death in service etc as well as money in the bank. Think we need to not hyperfocus on the housing situation. No parent will see their child go without just because they decide to gift the house to one another upon death.
Divorce is a difficult subject to cover.... in our relationship I am the one bringing in more money, putting more into the house after the deposit as my partners divorce cost him dearly and came out with only just enough to restart together

That's correct.
Allowed his children to get their inheritance? My partner makes his own decisions and we want the house to go to the surviving partner.
There was no bargaining, either he ends up with the house or I do. You are assuming we are married. The house we live in is mine so if I died tomorrow he gets my house.