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Original poster

Buying a house with partner who has children with ex

374 replies

Kjv83 · 22/08/2025 20:25

So I am just about to buy a house with my partner. We are going in 50/50. He has children from his ex partner but I dont have any and we wont have any of our own in the future. Am I being unreasonable by saying I want his half of the house signed over to me in the event of his death and not the children? They only live with us 8 days a month so its not like they will be homeless. As far as I am concerned, if one of us dies then it should go to the other person to alleviate the pressure of selling the house whilst grieving etc which is ultimately what would have to happen. Plus if he left his half to the kids then I would want to leave mine to a third party meaning we could both be in a situation where we would be homeless in the event of death. If its signed over to the survivor and we had a life insurance policy covering x amount to pay towards the mortgage to reduce it by the half that the deceased was paying then all would be good. The added complication is that I am needing heart surgery due to a childhood defect so getting life insurance is going to be a mission..... I have a group life policy through work which he is a beneficiary of which I guess may have to do? Basically, I am stuck in quandrey as I feel like people will think im being selfish but I relinquish any responsibility for the children and he knows that, I dont see why they should benefit from me. He can have a separate life insurance payable to them. Is it as straight forward as I think? Legal advise is just a minefield 😫 has anyone been in same position?

OP posts:
GentleJadeOP · 22/08/2025 20:41

I think you have to buy as tenants in common then but not sure

TheAutumnCrow · 22/08/2025 20:45

You will benefit from talking through the details with a solicitor, seriously. Go through everything.

tripleginandtonic · 22/08/2025 20:45

Why shouldn't his children inherit his half of the house? You could have the right to live in it for your lifetime

whatonearthishappenin · 22/08/2025 20:46

I mean you can’t really stop him from leaving his assets to who he so wishes? And I can well understand why he would want to provide for those who depend on him in the event of death… can you not?

You don’t seem to understand what it means to be a parent, if I were your partner and I had children, that would be a huge red flag.

charlieandthechocolatfactory · 22/08/2025 20:46

No his children get his half.

as pp said, you could live in until your death

Mrsttcno1 · 22/08/2025 20:46

Yeah that would be unreasonable, his % of his asset should go to his kids. What I’d do if I was him, and what most people do in this situation, is leave my % to my children but give you a lifetime interest so that you can continue to live there, no urgent need to sell and you can stay as long as you want, but ultimately my half will be my children’s when it sells.

charlieandthechocolatfactory · 22/08/2025 20:46

whatonearthishappenin · 22/08/2025 20:46

I mean you can’t really stop him from leaving his assets to who he so wishes? And I can well understand why he would want to provide for those who depend on him in the event of death… can you not?

You don’t seem to understand what it means to be a parent, if I were your partner and I had children, that would be a huge red flag.

This

CutFlowers · 22/08/2025 20:48

I think he would be a pretty rubbish Dad if he agreed. I wouldn't be able to respect him.

It is not uncommon to leave a life interest to a surviving partner, with the children inheriting eventually, but the children wouldn't be benefiting from you if they inherited your partner's half of the house, they would be benefitting from their Dad's work and assets.

SullysBabyMama · 22/08/2025 20:50

You can buy insurance that pays his child support (instead of it coming from your home) if he dies. Maybe you could agree the children get extra life insurance increasing the amount every 5/10 years as the property value alters?

Original poster
Kjv83 · 22/08/2025 21:18

So hang on.... its ok for him to leave his half to his kids and i therefore have to move out and start again but im expected to leave my half to him and he remains and his kids eventually benefit from my monetary input seems as I have no one to leave it to? Think not 😂 as joint tenants (which is what we are planning) we will automatically leave it to eachother, tenants in common you can stipulate. What I have been recommended to do is do joint tenants then put in place a will that says after we have both gone then it can be split between his children and my part can go to whoever I see fit. This means we will both get to live in to through to the end of our lives and ultimately his kids only get his part and not that whay I contributed to. This is not a red flag. I never wanted children, he knows this and I do not financially contribute towards them, never will. Thats up to him, bring kids into the world, he pays for them!

OP posts:
Original poster
Kjv83 · 22/08/2025 21:20

Mrsttcno1 · 22/08/2025 20:46

Yeah that would be unreasonable, his % of his asset should go to his kids. What I’d do if I was him, and what most people do in this situation, is leave my % to my children but give you a lifetime interest so that you can continue to live there, no urgent need to sell and you can stay as long as you want, but ultimately my half will be my children’s when it sells.

Yes this is what I have been advised and think is best course of action. Thank you for your input 🙂

OP posts:
OSTMusTisNT · 22/08/2025 21:27

He can, and should, leave his half to the kids with you having a life interest.

His kids, and Grandchildren when the time comes, will always be more important to him than you are. Partners come and go but kids are for life. If you aren't happy playing second fiddle, its maybe time to backout now.

You can leave your half of the house to the cat home though and give him a life interest.

whatonearthishappenin · 22/08/2025 21:29

You are choosing to leave your assets to your partner (that is a matter for you). It’s also a matter for your partner as to who he wants to leave his to: if he didn’t want to leave them (at least eventually) to his children he isn’t a very good father.

You say you don’t want children and seemingly you don’t want children in your life either. Perhaps you chose the wrong partner. Poor kids.

Minnie798 · 22/08/2025 21:30

This is a common occurrence. Many marriages end in divorce and there are often children from the first marriage/ relationship to consider.
In this situation, leaving my 50% of the property to anyone other than my children wouldn't be an option. That's where tenants in common comes in. You each leave your 50% to whoever you choose, with a lifetime interest for the surviving spouse/ partner to remain in the home. When the surviving spouse also dies, that is when the people 'inheriting' get their share.

FuzzyWolf · 22/08/2025 21:32

He should leave his half to his children. You should leave your half to whoever you choose and it has no bearing on what their will says about you. There is no reason why you can’t live in the house until your death if he dies first. A good solicitor will help you get this set up.

Original poster
Kjv83 · 22/08/2025 21:35

OSTMusTisNT · 22/08/2025 21:27

He can, and should, leave his half to the kids with you having a life interest.

His kids, and Grandchildren when the time comes, will always be more important to him than you are. Partners come and go but kids are for life. If you aren't happy playing second fiddle, its maybe time to backout now.

You can leave your half of the house to the cat home though and give him a life interest.

His kids have little respect for him and have very little time for him probably because of their poisonous mother so let's hope they become a little more deserving through the ages! I dont care what he does with his proportion, I disagree that it should be a given it goes to children though. I dont expect my parents to leave me their wealth in fact I actively encourage them to sell their house and live in rented so they can enjoy the money they worked hard for! I am the main breadwinner in the household by some margin and that wont change so maybe thats where my thoughts come from. Him as an only child and his children will be seen good by his parents so I don't believe im being selfish. Also, yes my half will be going to cats protection 👍

OP posts:
PinkPhonyClub · 22/08/2025 21:36

Op you say in one post you’ve been advised JT but in another straight after you’ve been advised for him to leave to kids with you as a life interest which would need TIC. Those are completely different structures.

The issue of it being joint tenants, passing to you and then you leaving them something via a will depends on (a) your estate having any value to leave and (b) you keeping them in your will when you don’t have to.

Original poster
Kjv83 · 22/08/2025 21:44

PinkPhonyClub · 22/08/2025 21:36

Op you say in one post you’ve been advised JT but in another straight after you’ve been advised for him to leave to kids with you as a life interest which would need TIC. Those are completely different structures.

The issue of it being joint tenants, passing to you and then you leaving them something via a will depends on (a) your estate having any value to leave and (b) you keeping them in your will when you don’t have to.

Yes, we were originally advised JT due to the fact we wanted it just to go to eachother and we would have a life insurance payable on first death. Then when we queried re money for the kids, we were given two options a, leave as JT and a life insurance payable to the survivor and he takes a life insurance with the kids a sole beneficiaries for them to have some money or b, go as TIC, have a life insurance policy payable on first death, allow the survivor to stay in the property til their death then it pays out half of the property to the kids and my half to whoever I may choose. Both seem viable options.....

OP posts:
OSTMusTisNT · 22/08/2025 21:47

Kjv83 · 22/08/2025 21:35

His kids have little respect for him and have very little time for him probably because of their poisonous mother so let's hope they become a little more deserving through the ages! I dont care what he does with his proportion, I disagree that it should be a given it goes to children though. I dont expect my parents to leave me their wealth in fact I actively encourage them to sell their house and live in rented so they can enjoy the money they worked hard for! I am the main breadwinner in the household by some margin and that wont change so maybe thats where my thoughts come from. Him as an only child and his children will be seen good by his parents so I don't believe im being selfish. Also, yes my half will be going to cats protection 👍

Show quote history

Maybe you should buy 100% if you are substantially wealthier?

Obviously split utility bills but the property belongs to you.

LittlleMy · 22/08/2025 21:50

Mrsttcno1 · 22/08/2025 20:46

Yeah that would be unreasonable, his % of his asset should go to his kids. What I’d do if I was him, and what most people do in this situation, is leave my % to my children but give you a lifetime interest so that you can continue to live there, no urgent need to sell and you can stay as long as you want, but ultimately my half will be my children’s when it sells.

Totally agree and if I ever bought with a partner who has kids, this is what I’d expect.

Original poster
Kjv83 · 22/08/2025 21:52

OSTMusTisNT · 22/08/2025 21:47

Maybe you should buy 100% if you are substantially wealthier?

Obviously split utility bills but the property belongs to you.

Show quote history

Yes unfortunately he doesnt want this.... which made me a little concerned and tbh we were in this situation to start with as he was living with me and we both sold our homes to buy together as I couldnt hack the kids running riot in my house and disrespecting it. It would put us back in the same situation. I love my partner but the kids were a big compromise for me. I get on well with them and dont want to seem like the wicked step mother but I am just looking after my own interests here

OP posts:
Notagain75 · 22/08/2025 21:52

He should leave his half of the house to his children. Something could be set up so you can live in the house. If you are in a relationship with someone you have to accept that your partner's primary responsibility will.be to his children.

Original poster
Kjv83 · 22/08/2025 21:57

Notagain75 · 22/08/2025 21:52

He should leave his half of the house to his children. Something could be set up so you can live in the house. If you are in a relationship with someone you have to accept that your partner's primary responsibility will.be to his children.

Absolutely not disputing his primary responsibility is to them. I get that but I need to protect myself so i am not left homeless when he dies or vice versa or that the house cannot be sold from under mine or his feet. I just felt me not wanting it to go straight to his kids when he dies was wrong but then similarly why should it when he is protected if i died first because I dont have kids!

OP posts:
Original poster
Kjv83 · 22/08/2025 21:59

whatonearthishappenin · 22/08/2025 20:46

I mean you can’t really stop him from leaving his assets to who he so wishes? And I can well understand why he would want to provide for those who depend on him in the event of death… can you not?

You don’t seem to understand what it means to be a parent, if I were your partner and I had children, that would be a huge red flag.

Never wanted to be a parent. Couldn't think of anything worse and see no benefit in people having kids but thats not an argument to be had here. He chose to have them, he can pay for them which he does. I shouldn't be expected to leave what would be my half to them. He can do as he pleases with his part

OP posts:
Original poster
Kjv83 · 22/08/2025 22:00

Mrsttcno1 · 22/08/2025 20:46

Yeah that would be unreasonable, his % of his asset should go to his kids. What I’d do if I was him, and what most people do in this situation, is leave my % to my children but give you a lifetime interest so that you can continue to live there, no urgent need to sell and you can stay as long as you want, but ultimately my half will be my children’s when it sells.

I meant not go to his kids on first death they would have to wait til we are both gone before they get his part

OP posts: