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Original poster

Buying a house with partner who has children with ex

374 replies

Kjv83 · 22/08/2025 20:25

So I am just about to buy a house with my partner. We are going in 50/50. He has children from his ex partner but I dont have any and we wont have any of our own in the future. Am I being unreasonable by saying I want his half of the house signed over to me in the event of his death and not the children? They only live with us 8 days a month so its not like they will be homeless. As far as I am concerned, if one of us dies then it should go to the other person to alleviate the pressure of selling the house whilst grieving etc which is ultimately what would have to happen. Plus if he left his half to the kids then I would want to leave mine to a third party meaning we could both be in a situation where we would be homeless in the event of death. If its signed over to the survivor and we had a life insurance policy covering x amount to pay towards the mortgage to reduce it by the half that the deceased was paying then all would be good. The added complication is that I am needing heart surgery due to a childhood defect so getting life insurance is going to be a mission..... I have a group life policy through work which he is a beneficiary of which I guess may have to do? Basically, I am stuck in quandrey as I feel like people will think im being selfish but I relinquish any responsibility for the children and he knows that, I dont see why they should benefit from me. He can have a separate life insurance payable to them. Is it as straight forward as I think? Legal advise is just a minefield 😫 has anyone been in same position?

OP posts:
Alltheyellowbirds · 22/08/2025 23:15

Kjv83 · 22/08/2025 23:10

Not my doing it was decided between them two. She knew from having the children that he wouldn't be able to have high care level due to his job. Dont shoot the messenger! If it changed then fine but deal with it at the time a dependant on what he wanted to do

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What exactly is this oh so important job, that would prevent him from caring for his children even if their other parent died? Because I can’t think of one. Maybe an astronaut who is in space for years at a time?

Original poster
Kjv83 · 22/08/2025 23:15

Alltheyellowbirds · 22/08/2025 23:11

I honestly don’t know who is worse, OP or the Dad.

And I bet there’s nothing wrong with the mother at all, all this badmouthing of her is so predictable. Maybe she has issues with them for good reason - five minutes into this thread I’m pretty sure I would if I were her.

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She had issues as soon as she realised she would no longer be supported financially by him 😂 hates the fact I was in his life before she had met me or the kids had. Green eyed monster! Thats what you get for being a cheater then settling for something less than what she had then probably realised I was 100 times the woman she is 🤣 ( his words not mine!)

OP posts:
PrinceRegentLady · 22/08/2025 23:16

My partner & I both have children by previous relationships and when we move in together we will absolutely each leave our share of the house to our own children- my share to mine, his share to his. We have discussed this extensively.

To disinherit your children for a partner - the idea just horrifies me. I would never do such a thing, or expect my partner to do so. How on earth could anyone ever respect a man who did such a thing? How on earth could I respect myself if I profiteered at my partner’s children’s expense?

We also will not have life interests. The survivor will have to either buy out the deceased person’s children’s half share in order to stay in the house - or if that is not possible sell their half & move to a smaller house. That’s life. There are worse things than downsizing.

Original poster
Kjv83 · 22/08/2025 23:17

Alltheyellowbirds · 22/08/2025 23:15

What exactly is this oh so important job, that would prevent him from caring for his children even if their other parent died? Because I can’t think of one. Maybe an astronaut who is in space for years at a time?

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He is high up in the Met actually...... long days, time away etc. Has to do x amount of years service to make it worth while. Funnily enough they aren't that flexible

OP posts:
Original poster
Kjv83 · 22/08/2025 23:18

Heyhelga · 22/08/2025 23:11

This relationship and house purchase is never going to work I suspect.

3 years and a ring says otherwise.....

OP posts:
Original poster
Kjv83 · 22/08/2025 23:20

PrinceRegentLady · 22/08/2025 23:16

My partner & I both have children by previous relationships and when we move in together we will absolutely each leave our share of the house to our own children- my share to mine, his share to his. We have discussed this extensively.

To disinherit your children for a partner - the idea just horrifies me. I would never do such a thing, or expect my partner to do so. How on earth could anyone ever respect a man who did such a thing? How on earth could I respect myself if I profiteered at my partner’s children’s expense?

We also will not have life interests. The survivor will have to either buy out the deceased person’s children’s half share in order to stay in the house - or if that is not possible sell their half & move to a smaller house. That’s life. There are worse things than downsizing.

If we both had kids i wouldn't disagree with this. I have no children so expect it to work the same both ways. I dont want to leave him struggling to make ends meet when im gone so the resolution is to defer payout to the kids when both gone to ensure stability for us both

OP posts:
Alltheyellowbirds · 22/08/2025 23:21

Kjv83 · 22/08/2025 23:17

He is high up in the Met actually...... long days, time away etc. Has to do x amount of years service to make it worth while. Funnily enough they aren't that flexible

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Oh, well if he’s HIGH UP IN THE MET then I take back everything.

Dont be ridiculous. Lots of people have jobs that involve long hours or trips away. If catastrophe strikes and they have to be there for their children they make changes.

Original poster
Kjv83 · 22/08/2025 23:21

Geranium879 · 22/08/2025 23:13

A fair bit of what the op is saying doesn’t stack up, and the rest is just vile. Suspect this is a wind up.

It totally stacks up. Just because you may not agree doesnt mean its fabricated.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kjv83 · 22/08/2025 23:23

Alltheyellowbirds · 22/08/2025 23:21

Oh, well if he’s HIGH UP IN THE MET then I take back everything.

Dont be ridiculous. Lots of people have jobs that involve long hours or trips away. If catastrophe strikes and they have to be there for their children they make changes.

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Policing to that degree doesnt really work around kids/child care especially when we live 2 hours from london...... like I said this was something they agreed on before the kids were born and has been spoken about again since the split. Its nothing to do with me

OP posts:
Nicecuppatea2025 · 22/08/2025 23:27

This must be a wind up 🤢

OP come on, now. Be serious.

SlipperyLizard · 22/08/2025 23:28

Why don’t you just get life insurance on him, payable to you, so that if he dies you have sufficient money to buy the kids out?

Mancity08 · 22/08/2025 23:29

You go in as tenants in common
in the wills
you both say that the other person can live in the house until they pass
He leaves his half in trust for the children
You - who ever you wish

Itstheshowgirl · 22/08/2025 23:29

RedToothBrush · 22/08/2025 22:59

You wouldn't get a choice if their mother died. It's unlikely but you really should be considering the potential possibility.

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I think OP sounds like she would expect her DP to choose her over his children in this scenario.

Alltheyellowbirds · 22/08/2025 23:30

Kjv83 · 22/08/2025 23:23

Policing to that degree doesnt really work around kids/child care especially when we live 2 hours from london...... like I said this was something they agreed on before the kids were born and has been spoken about again since the split. Its nothing to do with me

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You said that if the mother dies the plan is for her partner to take the kids? So how could it have been the plan since before they were born, when she didn’t have that partner then?

Also, you said in another post that she doesn’t want either you or her partner to be a stepparent to the kids or to have any involvement with them, so it seems very odd that she’d want him to be sole carer on her death.

Nothing about this makes sense. The only thing coming across loud and clear is that you want nothing to do with these kids, and their big important policeman dad doesn’t much either.

Poor fucking kids.

Original poster
Kjv83 · 22/08/2025 23:30

SlipperyLizard · 22/08/2025 23:28

Why don’t you just get life insurance on him, payable to you, so that if he dies you have sufficient money to buy the kids out?

Maybe a decreasing term assurance is worth considering as maybe a cheaper option. Never thought about that. Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
Kjv83 · 22/08/2025 23:31

Nicecuppatea2025 · 22/08/2025 23:27

This must be a wind up 🤢

OP come on, now. Be serious.

Not sure why u are coming at me.....

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 22/08/2025 23:32

Kjv83 · 22/08/2025 23:13

He does tell her but as most mums do, she pulls the strings. One foot wrong and she threatens to limit access. She doesnt agree with anything he says ever. We have been together 3 years, I've seen it from the start as they had only split for 1 month when we met. She hasnt changed

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So the mum wants her partner of 3yrs or less to have the kids over their dad if she dies

and your partner the dad is ok with this ?

Sorry that makes him a crap dad

how old are these poor kids

Yachtingaroundtheworldiwish · 22/08/2025 23:33

He definitely should leave it to his children. You leave your half to anyone you choose.

99bottlesofkombucha · 22/08/2025 23:34

Kjv83 · 22/08/2025 21:20

Yes this is what I have been advised and think is best course of action. Thank you for your input 🙂

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to be clear though, this is leaving his assets to his children, arranged so you’re not homeless.
but there is no way I would make that a lifetime interest, maybe 10 years? you are just now buying a house together and you’re an adult. my children would be my number one priority in the event of my death, and no one who does otherwise should call themselves a parent. I think it would be different if you had been together 20 years, or if you had done 10 years of school runs, but instead your relationship has not been so long and everything you say sounds like you don’t give a shit about the children.

Original poster
Kjv83 · 22/08/2025 23:36

Alltheyellowbirds · 22/08/2025 23:30

You said that if the mother dies the plan is for her partner to take the kids? So how could it have been the plan since before they were born, when she didn’t have that partner then?

Also, you said in another post that she doesn’t want either you or her partner to be a stepparent to the kids or to have any involvement with them, so it seems very odd that she’d want him to be sole carer on her death.

Nothing about this makes sense. The only thing coming across loud and clear is that you want nothing to do with these kids, and their big important policeman dad doesn’t much either.

Poor fucking kids.

Edited
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The plan was he would she would be main guardian when alive (he didnt want kids but she did) and in her death it was her parents in addition to my partner. Now she is with her partner, she will also be involved in their care in that event but her partner does not get involved with parenting day to day at presnt. Yes it may mean we have them more than 6 nights a month if she died but thats fine. You cannot shoot someone down or judge how two people bring kids into the world just cos it doesn't fit your beliefs

OP posts:
Original poster
Kjv83 · 22/08/2025 23:41

99bottlesofkombucha · 22/08/2025 23:34

to be clear though, this is leaving his assets to his children, arranged so you’re not homeless.
but there is no way I would make that a lifetime interest, maybe 10 years? you are just now buying a house together and you’re an adult. my children would be my number one priority in the event of my death, and no one who does otherwise should call themselves a parent. I think it would be different if you had been together 20 years, or if you had done 10 years of school runs, but instead your relationship has not been so long and everything you say sounds like you don’t give a shit about the children.

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His children will be seen good by his life insurance and money from their grandparents. Its not like they will be in any rush for the money so dont think its unreasonable. We shouldn't be hanging about waiting for our parents to die to inherit money. The children aren't my priority, I dont hide this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kjv83 · 22/08/2025 23:43

Blondeshavemorefun · 22/08/2025 23:32

So the mum wants her partner of 3yrs or less to have the kids over their dad if she dies

and your partner the dad is ok with this ?

Sorry that makes him a crap dad

how old are these poor kids

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The partner lives with her, she sees them everyday. Knows them well etc. She has asked if she can be involved and she agreed. He is ok with this as he respects her and wouldn't go against the grain! They are 13 and 15 so not young

OP posts:
Original poster
Kjv83 · 22/08/2025 23:45

Yachtingaroundtheworldiwish · 22/08/2025 23:33

He definitely should leave it to his children. You leave your half to anyone you choose.

They can have his half when we are both gone. I was asking if me saying after we have both gone was unreasonable which I dont think it is and most agree

OP posts:
OnePinkDeer · 22/08/2025 23:45

You don't have children, and you're not going to have children.

So who's your next of kin?
If you want him to leave, here's half of the house to you on his death.Where's it going to go when you die?

You're going to cut his children completely out of any inheritance from him, and you don't exactly have anywhere to leave it. That's so unfair.

Original poster
Kjv83 · 22/08/2025 23:47

OnePinkDeer · 22/08/2025 23:45

You don't have children, and you're not going to have children.

So who's your next of kin?
If you want him to leave, here's half of the house to you on his death.Where's it going to go when you die?

You're going to cut his children completely out of any inheritance from him, and you don't exactly have anywhere to leave it. That's so unfair.

It will go to my nieces and nephews as previously stated. I dont see why his children should benefit from my money when I do have people I can leave it to just not my own kids

OP posts: