Buying a house with partner who has children with ex

[Kjv83]

So I am just about to buy a house with my partner. We are going in 50/50. He has children from his ex partner but I dont have any and we wont have any of our own in the future. Am I being unreasonable by saying I want his half of the house signed over to me in the event of his death and not the children? They only live with us 8 days a month so its not like they will be homeless. As far as I am concerned, if one of us dies then it should go to the other person to alleviate the pressure of selling the house whilst grieving etc which is ultimately what would have to happen. Plus if he left his half to the kids then I would want to leave mine to a third party meaning we could both be in a situation where we would be homeless in the event of death. If its signed over to the survivor and we had a life insurance policy covering x amount to pay towards the mortgage to reduce it by the half that the deceased was paying then all would be good. The added complication is that I am needing heart surgery due to a childhood defect so getting life insurance is going to be a mission..... I have a group life policy through work which he is a beneficiary of which I guess may have to do? Basically, I am stuck in quandrey as I feel like people will think im being selfish but I relinquish any responsibility for the children and he knows that, I dont see why they should benefit from me. He can have a separate life insurance payable to them. Is it as straight forward as I think? Legal advise is just a minefield 😫 has anyone been in same position?

But why should his children's money go to you on his death.

I really don't think you should buy a house together.

This, why should his children not inherit from him?

If he dies first I can live in the house til I die then the children get his money. You have to look at me protecting myself and not being left in a situation whereby in the midst of grief I am having the additional worry of having to sell the house, move etc. It would be the same for him. It alleviates addition unneeded unwarranted stress. The kids would get £100k each on his death anyway then benefit from the house later on. Think you may have misunderstood.....

I never said they should never inherit from Him! See my response to last post

He agreed he would absolve himself of parental responsibility?

He apparently didnt want kids. She did. I wasnt there but in the divorce proceedings she got more than she would have normally because it was agreed when she had the kids she was the main guardian or something🤷🏽‍♀️ havent really asked. Its not anything to do with me, its what they agreed

That is not what you said in your first post. You just said that when he died you should get the house.

It is other posters who suggested that instead you could stay in the house til you died and then the money go to his kids.

Because your attitude towards the children is alarming.

This. Very selfish of OP of not wanting him to leave his half to his children. You should have fallen in love with a childless man OP.

I think you’re probably expressing yourself in a less than desirable way because you’re being goaded.

That said if this really is your attitude please reflect on how damaging it potentially is to children (whether you care about them or not) who will shortly be part of your immediate family. Whether you want the children or not - unfortunately for you it’s a package deal.

If he didn't want kids why he had more than one? Why he is in the birth certificate... c'mon don't be naive.

Well yes i stick by that but that was before considering the other options which seem OK to me also. At the end of the day, just because they might not get the house it doesnt mean they will get nothing. They will still have the inheritance from the grandparents which will be in trust and a 100k each. Its up to him really but ultimately if his half goes to the kids then mine wont go to him

I can only go by what I read in the mediation notes from their meetings and the financial settlement from court which said exactly that! He financially supported them thats the main thing

The one thing that gets me is people not being accepting of how people choose to live their lives. It may not fit into their ideal but there is no need to comment or express personal opinions beyond the original question. I have expressed my thoughts and reasoning and have found a potential resolve to ensure both me and his children have what we are entitled to. Like I said, i may not be the children's biggest fans for various reasons but I do ensure they are brought up in a safe, comfortable, happy environment when in our care. I was accepting from day one of his children due to how much I feel for him and am very much aware they come as a package. I am fully supportive of him and his parenting and respect him as a father who ensures the mother and the kids go without nothing

If I told you how many lies my ex said in court... it does not matter what your partner says, if he didn't want children why he had more than one? Why he didn't have a vasectomy? ...

What because I accept them as his and allow him to parent them with his ex wife as they wish? I am a hands off party, its not down to me to parent apparently (according the the mother) so I dont. Doesn't mean I dont provide them a nice safe comfortable environment to be in when in our care. I am not nasty to them, we are respectful to eachother for my partner and eachothers sake. We dont have to be one big happy family. People shouldn't choose to be with people suitable to be their kids step parent, whilst I agree it is a factor, the main thing is their compatibility with that person. My partner would not have chosen me or have me round his children if he didnt think I was worthy

He did have a vasectomy.... the first one failed hence the 2nd child. He had another which worked. Luckily for me as children were never in my life plan from early on. It came from her mouth in the documentation not his. She knew he didnt want kids because he wanted to follow his career choice. It was her choice to birth his kids desire this

This is turning into an ever more complicated scenario and unfortunately I’ve been barking up the wrong tree thinking that the OP’s partner is the hard up one.
If he’s high up in the Met he surely can’t be short of money, and unless he’s only just started which seems unlikely, he’ll eventually be in line for a pension most of us can only dream about. Added to that it’s been stated that he’s an only child and that his parents will not see him or his children go without, so this being so I can now understand why OP doesn’t want her half of the house to go to them.
I can’t quite understand why the OPs partner has had, and continues to have minimal contact with his children since he split from their ‘difficult’ mother but this is ever more reason why they both need to enter the marriage with eyes wide open to his responsibilities and with watertight tenants in common wills that leave no doubt as to who will benefit from their joint property purchase on their death and when, and any other assets they have.
If ever there was a case for good legal advice before marriage this is one. Sorry to say but at the moment it doesn’t seem that this will be a marriage made in heaven

My partner will see in excess of £2m come his way following the death of his grandparents and parents and whilst I earn more than him yearly, I am not in line to inherit a fortune. He will also have had 30 years service by the time he hits 55 years so yes he will be getting an amazing pension as this was left alone in the divorce settlement so me asking for the house is a drop in the ocean really! However it does seem there is a resolve that will keep me happy in my living and him/his children happy in his and my death. The kids will already get a princely sum plus life insurance.
My partner has them as much as she and his work will allow (she actually wanted him to have them less so she was entitled to more Cms which shows what she is like!)
Apart from this situation, our life is very settled and immensely perfect but we have to make sure we are doing right to protect us both

My half of the house, pension savings etc goes to my husband, we have DD, however I took out a life insurance policy for the next 35 years with a value of £200000 which will only go to my son from a previous relationship.

When that runs out I will reconsider my options, but I will not leave my son with nothing.

If I was your partner I would have been seeing massive red flags a long time ago..the responses you've had on here say it all.

But if something happened to him soon, they would still be young and need parental support - if he’s dead, he leaves everything to his children to continue bringing them up. They don’t sound old enough to have jobs and houses of their own. It’s a parents responsibility to make whatever provision they can. If I were dying of cancer, we would have my dhs will changed so if something happened to him too everything would go into a trust for our young children. And vice versa.

Him- only has his children 6 days a month. Openly critical of his ex (who does the lions share of parenting). In a new relationship only a month after separating from his ex. With someone who has absolutely no interest in the welfare of his children. Would allow someone not related to his kids to have custody if something happened to their mum. Because you know, he has a job.
Op- doesn't see the home as the children's too. Agrees that if the children ever lost their mum , dad doesn't need to bother stepping up.
How is this man even attractive to op, his attitude towards his kids and ex is a massive red flag.
Op is also a red flag. What are the adults in these kids lives actually playing at.

That seems reasonable. The kids wont be without in any sense

Nope he doesnt feel that way. He knew my thoughts and feelings from the beginning and is on board with that. Mine and his relationship and how it works shouldn't be at question here. He didnt want a new mother for his children they have one