How to give money fairly to children

[PetaMatt]

Following my mother's death I have inherited a large sum and I want to use it to help my children onto the property ladder (I am taking advice about varying the will).

I am due to receive about £800k. Where DS1 lives, a decent one bed flat costs about £250k. Where DS2 lives it would be more like £350k. I know they are both keen to buy a flat.

WWYD-

1. give them each the price of a one bed flat (£250k and £350k)
2. give them each the price of a one bed flat as above plus give DS1 an extra £100k
3. give them each the price of a one bed flat as above and reflect the £100k difference in my will
4. give them each £250k and suggest DS2 gets a mortgage for the difference
5. something else?

I don't need the money myself although I will appreciate the security of having whatever is left.

Please give them the same . Otherwise it’ll destroy your family.

Give them exactly the same amount. My Dad’s about to change mum’s will (she passed recently) to benefit my sister and youngest brother as, in his words, ‘they need it more’, and I’ll be honest it has really made me & my other siblings feel like shit for being financially responsible all our lives.

Exactly the same amount. Where they live is a choice.

This with thousands of bells on

I'd give them each the same ... only to be spent on a property though.

Give them the same.

Agree absolutely. The only fair thing is to treat them the same

Keep it equal - even giving £250k would be a huge chunk of a £350k flat!

The same. I'd be inclined to get some financial advice as to how best to minimise the tax implications though. They might be better off if you gave them the same deposit amount which they can then afford the mortgage on and for you to max out their ISA's annually for 10 years.

I would give them £250k each and they can decide where/what to buy. This would leave you £300k as a buffer for you just in case.

If you were going to give one 250k and one 350k I would just split it evenly and give them 300 each

I would give them each £200, so half your inheritance split in two. Keep half yourself - you don't know what the future will bring.

I can never understand why anyone would give differing accounts. Circumstances may differ but the impact of one child receiving more than another is incalculable.

Equal split and you can’t tell them what to do with it, other than requesting it all go on a property. What if they want to buy a nicer, 2 or 3 bed and take on a mortgage? That could be a sound financial decision for the long term. You’re a great mum to be thinking of this.

Clearly the answer is to give them exactly the same.

This

£250k each as long as you’re very sure you’ll be ok in retirement yourself. The advice about ring fencing it in the event of divorce is valid too but I’m not sure how that would work legally.

It's their choice to some extent but if a child was likely to just go on a spending spree and want more money later, I wouldn't give them anything.

I meant on property, however, once one gifts money, it gets a bit tricky. I guess the op could pay it over at exchange on their behalf.

The same.

Either child might prefer to buy a house with a mortgage (rather than a flat). That could end up being a good decision for them so I would just decide an amount (the same each) and let them know that it is there for them when they are ready to buy property.

You did mention varying a will. As long as you know if you do this then the money will go straight to the (adult) child. So if they choose to quit their jobs and spend a few years travelling with the money, gamble it or anything else it will be beyond your control.

Give them the same, whatever feels the right amount to you.

Let them decide what to buy and whether to top up with a mortgage.

My parents gave my sister £180k to buy a house. That bought the entire house - no mortgage. I meanwhile have never had a helping hand from them. I was ok with it at the time but now they’ve done their will in a bit miffed to be fair. My sister at the time wasn’t working due to ill health but has been working g the last 8 years, earns well
for where they live and has t had to pay any mortgage in that time. Yet she still hasn’t saved a penny - just enjoyed living his mortgage free life. Meanwhile, I’m 45, have a massive mortgage that I can afford but won’t pay off until I’m nearly retired. In my parents will, they’ve simply adjusted it to say on their death I get £180k more than my sister. What this doesn’t account for is the fact that their £180k property will have increased in value quite significantly by the time my parents pass. It also doesn’t account for the potential they had to save money while I had to plough mine into the mortgage. Ultimately they’ve done well out of this deal.

so what I’m saying is I guess, treat your kids equally - give them both the same amount t at the same time. What they do with it is their business. One might decide to buy a fixer upper and the other might choose a new build that’s already done but at least you’ve treated them fairly.

The same each. I have always tried to treat my children equally. You don’t want one to feel resentment to the other.

I wouldn't do the top up in the will thing because the money won't be worth the same. I don't mean in inflation I mean in use.

One of my siblings was given £200k by my DM. There is talk of it being made equal in the will. But that 200k (or lack of) has led to different life decisions and opportunities. £60-70k now would have allowed us to move house, change jobs, make hugely different life decisions about where our DC grow up. All things my sibling has had. £200k in 20 years time is too late for us and my other sibling.